The ebb and flow

I clean the house and feel excitement flow through me....Christmas is coming.
Jesus' birthday, presents for the kids, time spent with family.

I wake at 2am with a stomach ache and the gladness ebbs out.
I can't sleep so I will sit here in the dark and worry about a gut ache.

I wrap presents for the grandkids and the Christmas excitement returns;
Only to ebb back out again as my back cramps and my knees ache from kneeling on the floor, in the middle of a large pile of presents and gift wrap, for far too long.

In April I inherited my sisters Amish style cupboard. I don't know anything about the cupboards history but it smells old inside, like an antique store. The hinges creak and the wood shows some wear but I love it. It reminds me of my sister and I'm glad to have it.
It has sat in the garage since last year because we had no room for it, well, not really no room, just that we needed to rearrange and get rid of some other furniture first.
We got 9 inches of snow this past weekend and 8 inches of snow the weekend before that.
I tell you that because this cupboard was stored in front of our snowblower in the garage and we couldn't get the blower out without moving the cabinet first, so that is why the cabinet is now in the house.
It's been standing in the middle of the living room for a week now.
Blocking the flow of traffic and partially blocking  the view of our Christmas tree.

At 7:30 Sunday night, after cleaning the house and doing laundry all day and then wrapping presents for 5 hours I was ready for bed.
That's when he decided he wanted the cabinet moved into the kitchen.
Crap.
We moved it and now the cabinet is in the kitchen and it doesn't look all that great. It's wider than I thought. Bigger too.
And the stain on the cupboard is darker than the stain on the kitchen cabinets.
Crap crap.
Maybe I just need to get used to it being there, to seeing it there.
Maybe it'll grow on me.
Maybe I can fill it up with all the junk and clutter from around this house and never have to open the doors of this cupboard again.

Up, down, back, forth, in, out, high, low, ebb and flow.
It surprises me how quickly I can go from one to the other.

Most of my issues are first world problems, I know.
Should I use the red paper with holly or the blue paper with snowflakes?
Kneeling in the middle of a large pile of gifts purchased for our grandchildren.
Sometimes a stomach ache is from the fact that I ate too much at dinner.
I own too much clutter and need to get rid of it instead of hiding it in my sisters cupboard.

I didn't start out writing this post as a lament. But that is what it has turned into.
Somewhere on the internet I read that people who feel too much are called Empaths.
The news is frightening and I cannot watch it. And yet I have.
People are starving and dying and fleeing through the dark and the rubble.
While I complain that my knees ache from kneeling on the floor.

In the town next to ours, a car was stolen from a grocery store parking lot.
Left inside that car was the family's tiny little Chihuahua.
It was all over the news.
The weather was slated to turn sharply colder with temps well below zero at night.
Two days passed. No sightings, no updates, no car, no dog.
The family just wanted their dog back- no questions asked.
It disturbed me greatly. I knew what could happen to a Chihuahua abandoned and out in the cold.
Please God, I prayed. Please bring this dog home. Please! Please let him be found alive.

A man out for a walk with his own dog found the Chihuahua shivering and alone on a bike path on the third day. The car thieves had indeed left him off somewhere, to battle the elements on his own.
He was alive! He was unharmed. He was returned to his owners.
I thanked God and cried tears of joy.
I think we all could use a bit of a Christmas miracle sometimes.

This little miracle didn't alter the course of the world.
Or maybe it did.
All I know is that it lifted my spirits and gave me a sense of all was right in the world again,
if only for that one small moment in time.

(This post is rambling and I apologize for that.)


Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy new Year!

Thanks for reading!
Love, Lolly

write what you see

12/07/16

I found this amazing quote-

Write what you see
Fear not;
Write what you have seen

I have no idea who wrote it but when I read it the very first time it almost knocked me over.
In my head I heard a loud resounding YES!
Yes! Write what you see! Write what you have seen!
So with that in mind, today I will write what I see.

We live on a fairly busy street so I see cars and buses and trucks driving past our house all day long.
Where are all these people going I sometimes wonder to myself.
To work? Do they hate their job? Love it? Is today their first day? Or maybe their last? Will they get that promotion they wanted? Will they get a nice Christmas bonus? Will they get fired or layed off?
To school? Did they have to scream at the kids 10 times today to brush their teeth and get their shoes on? Did they remember to pack lunch money and mittens and tissues and homework? Did they breathe a sigh of relief as they pulled away from the drop off zone, the car quiet once more?
The grocery store? Just for a couple of things...hahaha, because they always come out of the store with a lot more than they intended? Do they realize that some people are going hungry today and what a huge blessing it is that they can afford to overspend on snacks and cookies and extra meat for the freezer? Did they see the Salvation Army bell ringer out front of the store freezing his butt off in his too thin Santa suit?
Library?  What book are they hoping to check out? What book  are they returning? What book are they searching for? Cooking techniques? Flower gardens? Better relationships? How to remodel the rec room? Poetry by Luci Shaw? God?
Post Office? Mailing Christmas cards? The final car payment? An overdue light bill with the hopes that their service won't be turned off during the upcoming holidays? Picking up packages sent from Aunt Sue even though it contains the same type of ugly, scratchy sweaters every single year, and they hate them? Dropping off their own packages to be mailed to the grandkids that live in Arizona and they miss those grandkids more than words can say?
Dr. appointments? Are they sick? Are they well? Are they afraid? Are they elated?

(In case you were wondering, I am the person at the library searching for poetry by Luci Shaw. The rest of the questions and people above are hypothetical.)


We had 5 inches of snow fall on Sunday. Most of it is melting off of the roof today and it is dripping down the window, which means icicles will form later tonight.
They're predicting 4-8 inches of snow will fall this coming Saturday night.
I can see our Christmas tree lights glowing. It reminds me that I really need to get started on my Christmas shopping. We went looking for gifts last Saturday and came home sorely disappointed with nothing to show for our 4 hours of shopping.
Maybe we will have better luck shopping online through Amazon.

I can see that it has taken me 3 hours to type this much. Time to get a move on with my day.

Thanks for reading,
Love  Lolly

Song of Praise

Let Wonder Have Its Way With Me

O God, your gracious Spirit
moves over the mysteries of living and dying
and is strangely present to me
in the falling leaves,
the call of wild geese,
a child's birth,
the light in a friend's eyes,
the sudden lifting of the heart,
and the deep longing which brings me to you now.
Make me aware of your presence
that wonder may have its way with me,
my passion be released,
my confidence renewed in the depths of your holiness
until, for a moment,
my longing for you be fulfilled
and I know I am really free
to share bread and intimacy,
to laugh and exchange mercy,
to be at ease in my struggles,
bold in my loving,
brave in facing down my terror,
hopeful in the rising music of your kingdom,
joyful in my living,
and graceful in my life becoming
a song of praise ever sung to you.

— Ted Loder in Guerrillas of Grace