I PRAISE LOUDLY. I BLAME SOFTLY.~ CATHERINE THE GREAT
i get that i am a hypocrite.
i say one thing then turn around and say another.
it angers me when someone acts a certain way
but please look away when i act in a similar fashion.
i am a child of God.
most of the time i can see that you are not.
yes! i get the hypocrisy in that statement.
who am i to point out any flaw or defect in your character
when i am tripping, choking, gagging on my own failures??
i want what i want
and what i want is for you to act in a certain way
so my life is easier.
when i yell and snap at you i want you to change
so i don't have to.
i want you to change your behaviour
so i won't have to alter my world not one bit.
if i wake up one day and realize that i am at war
with far too many people
i would like to place the blame where it rightly belongs
and in my world that blame is on everyone else.
i like to think that maybe i am an introvert
that i'm ok with being alone,
that i prefer it this way.
but maybe the truth is that i am lonely
and don't know how to make amends
to these people that rattle the cage i've put myself in.
i want you to see my loneliness and hurt.
i want you to see my pain and frustration.
i want you to love me regardless of the way i act.
but just like a shy bird
i flap my wings when you get too close.
and i hurt myself by trying to remain alone.
maybe, if i'm gonna go with this bird analogy here,
maybe the finger pointing that goes along with the blaming
could be turned into a hand outstretched,
sort of like a perch that a small shy bird could land on,
sort of like an offering of a safe place to land.
maybe, if i allowed it, maybe that hand reaching out,
mine and theirs, could each learn to let go a little,
to not crush the offering of a safe place for us,
for me to land.
i need to learn to stop beating my wings so frantically
trying to get others to see my point, my view,
my pain, my sorrow, me.
if i quit making such a racket, wouldn't i see them more clearly too?
wouldn't life be much better if we all lived under Gods grace?
wouldn't life be much better if I allowed others to live
under that grace that God gives to me??
if God allows grace for my hypocrisy and want
wouldn't he offer the same to others?
wouldn't i want Him to offer that to others?
if i wanted to address my hypocrisy i would want that.
if i wanted to address my want i would want that too.
tsk......save me from myself Lord.