September

Sweaty McSweaterson here...
Just dropping you a line to let you know that it is hot and humid here in Illinois.
Humidity will be the death of me, I just know it.
Can I person actually die from the humidity??
I can hardly stand it.
I do nothing but perspire all day.
When I open the front door it greets me like a heavy metal slab.
It makes me cranky and short tempered.
Uh.....ahem....
So.
That is not at all what I had planned to write about.
Strange isn't it, what happens when you sit down to write.
I think to myself that I will write about DJT and the state of our world,
And then I end up writing about being angry and sweaty.
Well I suppose there could be a weird correlation there somewhere-
angry and sweaty... haha.

It's late September and the leaves are starting to fall and become crunchy underfoot.
The heat and humidity are relentless. It is cooler at night but I myself feel no relief whatsoever.
Our A/C is still cranked up high.
The grandkids shiver and wrap tiny blankets around their shoulders as they eat breakfast.

With the kids back in school it is much quieter of course.
The silence hums in my home.
Jesus still remains absent and silent over here.
No glimpse of a winged bird or gently falling leaf can thrill me.
Cloud patterns are just that...clouds or patterns. You choose.

I'm not frightened by His silence, just curious. Why did He leave?
I wonder where He has gone and who He is saving now.
And I wonder if they know He is by their side, if they can feel Him like I did.
I miss that ether of His so damn much. I miss hearing His voice.
I miss the small little miracles that He kept trying to show me every day.

I'm ok though, really. I can wait til He comes back again. Because He always does.

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

When the dust settles

It'd been years since I opened it. My study Bible.
This particular version was called the Mother's Bible and while it reads like any normal  KJV  Bible, there are little anecdotes tucked in here and there to give us poor mother's a lift, so to speak.
I'd put it into my Bible study tote bag more than two years ago and hadn't touched it since.
When I pulled it out of the tote, I was genuinely surprised to see such a thick coating of dust. I couldn't even blow it off...I tried.
How long had it been since I'd used it? I wondered. I honestly couldn't recall.
Now, mind you, I have other versions of the Bible (with The Message being my favorite), but I quickly realized that I hadn't opened any of them either.
Not in a really long time.

It was my most highlighted Bible, the one I used to read religiously (no pun intended) everyday.
It's the Bible that I used to Keep Me In The Word, you know, like-
"All I need is Coffee and Jesus".
It was the Bible I used when I  needed a scripture that resonated with me, then I would go outside  with my camera and find something in nature that resonated the same way.
I thought that was going to be my calling, the thing that was going to save me and give me purpose.
Making framed photo art with a lovely piece of scripture imprinted across the bottom.
I made a few pieces then quit.
It was harder than it looked and I didn't have the right printer to make it look professional.

God used to show Himself to me all the time through nature.
He was everywhere and I saw Him and/or His essence everywhere I looked.
I couldn't not see Him or hear Him or sense Him. Everything about me was attuned to Him.

The breeze became His caress against my face. The rain His tears. Singing birds were His voice.
The colors in the sunrise He put there just for me. The scent of flowers and Pine trees and strawberries became His cologne.
I watched Bees washing their antenna in my birdbath and knew He had told them to show me this. Look!
Cloud patterns became the way He communicated to me.
All I had to do was look up.
I saw Him in my newborn grandchildrens eyes. I smelled him in the fur at my dogs neck.
I could taste Him in a ripe juicy Pear or a perfectly grilled steak.
I gave Him thanks and praise for soap bubbles in my sink and the electricity flowing through the wires of my house. I've written down in journals countless things that I am grateful for.
I went to church every Sunday and listened raptly as our pastor told story after story about the goodness of Jesus H. Christ and the life I deserved as His follower.
Worship music became the only thing I listened to and all of the lyrics seemed directed towards me.
I stood in church with my hands raised to the heavens, waiting for Gods love to rain down on me.
Until I realized that the humming was gone and it was silent. Until He stopped showing up.
I can't say when or where but I have noticed that His particular brand of ether isn't in the air that surrounds me anymore. I no longer sense Him near by.
I still smell flowers and pine trees and strawberries, I still see bees happily buzzing around my gardens with their legs full of pollen, and ripe pears and grilled steak are still quite tasty.
But the hum of Him in my veins is gone and  miss it. I miss Him.

In Alanon they call this kind of phenomenon Falling Off The Pink Cloud.

Last week I dusted off that Bible after my sister and I decided to restart our
Thursday morning Bible Study. Her and I are going to try Coffee and Jesus again.
I'm hoping that getting back into "The Word" will help me find that ether that I miss so much.
I'm not putting any pressure on myself though, or Him either for that matter.
If there's one thing I know about Jesus is that He shows up when He shows up.
And it's always at the exact right time.
Here's hoping that all of you are doing well.

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly


P.S. I hate that mutherfuker DJT and I think Jesus does too. Sorry not sorry.