Yesterday I sat on the front step at dusk letting the gloaming surround me.
I let myself just sit there, unmoving, staring off into space.
I felt the breeze caress my face which made me come out of my reverie and look up.
The leaves in the new tree out front were fluttering and the branches were swaying.
For a moment I felt like that tree was trying to tell me something.
So I listened, very intently, for a few more minutes as those tree branches swayed
and those leaves ruffled and twirled.
No message came to me or filled my mind.
But I did wonder....Was that you?
Then I watched as a Hummingbird flew from flower to flower in the garden.
It was so immersed in its work that it didn't notice I was sitting there.
When it finished gathering nectar on the last bloom it directly flew towards me.
It stopped at the last second and hovered in front of my face for long seconds,
Staring at me as I stared back at it.
Again, no message came through but I wondered...Was that You?
On one of my evening walks around the block with the dog
I glanced up and saw a wispy cloud in the form of an angel.
While the dog did her business my eyes stayed focused on that cloud
Because it's not often one sees an angel shaped cloud.
I even took a picture but it didn't look the same on my IPhone as it did in person.
Yet again I did wonder.....Was that You?
On that same walk, as the sun was setting, a stray sunbeam peered through the trees and caught me in the eye making it water at the intensity and the brightness.
As I stopped and blinked for a moment to clear the tear from my eye, I realized
that I was at the corner of Maple and Ash...the corner where I always cry.
Were You that light beam seeking me out on that street corner?? Was that You?
The other night as I was waiting for sleep I could have sworn I heard someone say "Hello?"
The house was dark, the dog didn't even bark but still I wondered...Was that You?
Once I woke in the middle of the night and felt for sure that you were lying next to me.
It ended up being the cat but it felt so real at the time...Was that You??
Driving to my chiropractor appointment a truck passed me at the stop sign.
I did a double, triple take. Because the man driving that truck was the spitting image of you.
WAS that You???
Was THAT You??
Was that YOU?
Was it?
The journey through grief is ongoing.
I am surviving.
Love, Lolly
