Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The Beast

There are so many words crammed inside of me.
And they all want to be expressed so badly.
I want to weep.
Out! Out! they scream inside my head.
Let us out!
These words are like frightened people with pitch forks hunting for a beast in a dark forest.
And this beast lives in the dark maze-like forest that is inside my brain.
So much I want to say and yet no way to say it.
My thoughts are like rabbits and squirrels; skittish and running off ...
Helter skelter like, as if they are running for their very lives and
Afraid of the unknown.
My thoughts are like too many people trying to get thru a door way.
They all get stuck and nobody can move.
What's the opposite of writers block??
Is there such a thing as Typer's Jam?
Why can't I type fast enough before I lose my train of thought?
I know that I need to write but I don't know how!!! I feel like wailing.
I feel verbally constipated. that too gross? I'm stuck. It's true.
Too much to say and no way to process it.
Talk about frustrating!!
One minute I feel as though I could write a book, the next I'm unable to type out a complete thought.
This post here has taken me about two weeks to post because I am only typing a sentence or two a day.
Then I wait for something more inspiring to write about.
And all I hear is a buzzing in my head.
Like cicadas.
Except the buzzing.
Nothing inspiring, nothing motivating, nothing meaningful.
I'm dry. I'm frustrated. I'm done.
Why can I not find a way to light this my blog of mine on fire?
Why has it been so hard to light a fire underneath myself?
I need to get a move start puttin' into words the thoughts and feelings that I have.
To write out the God stuff that I am seeing on a daily basis.
What is holding me back?
What is it that I am afraid of?
Who's leading that angry mob to my front door??
Why do I continually feel as though I am slogging through mud and water trying to out run them?

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