Where've I been?

I've been busy these last 4 weeks.
Really busy.

Gardening.
Babysitting.
Redecorating the house...giving it a more Summery feel.
Pretty much just living life.

Being too busy to blog is a good thing.
It's also a sad thing.
Not really sad but what other word fits?
Certainly not bad.
Or horrible.
Or life altering.
Just sorta sad cuz I miss it sometimes.

Just means that I'm busy with the business of living.
And that's a great thing.

Here's another great thing....
Went to a Hillsong United concert with my sister last week.
Can you say  A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!!!!!
So, so good. Very cool laser show too.
I told my sister on the way home that my soul was completely full!
The arena was sold out! And packed to the rafters with Christians!
I've never seen anything like it in my life.
Soooo many people.... on a Tuesday night ....at a Christian concert.
The line to get in wrapped around the building twice!!
This video is from Sydney Australia. We were in Chicago.
The song is Oceans-

I love the line "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders."
Something about the way she sings it really resonates within me.
Found a free download of those words in a curvy little script too.

Most of the time I forget to ask Him to lead me.
I charge headlong into my day, packed with things to do
Laundry, cleaning up after children, feeding children, changing diapers.
So at the end of the day I am worn out.
Again and again I forget to ask  "Spirit lead me"......
Allatime thinking that I can do everything on my own.
So I think I am gonna print out that free download.
Frame it and hang it in the living room.

Maybe that'll help me remember; if I see it everyday.

On my knees.

How in the world did it become June already?

And where exactly does the time go?!
Whoosh....
It was just Christmas!
Seems as if there was just snow on the ground.
And we all know how fast the Summers go by, don't we?

Been on my knees working in my garden for weeks.
Looks good.
Full of life and color.
Everything is so green and lush.
Grass, bushes, flowers, trees.
Isn't too hot or humid.
No mosquito's yet. And very few Bee's so far.

It's nice to sit in a comfy lawn chair on the new mulched patio
with a glass of wine or Iced Tea and just relax at the end of the day.

I like the fact that I have accomplished so much in the garden.
By dinner time I'm tired, but it's a good tired type of feeling.
My hands hurt tho. So do my knees. They could use a break.

Washing the dirt off of my hands
Stomping the muck off of my boots
Easing the kink outta my knees and back
Downing a coupla Advil for me poor joints.

It's all so worth it when I can stand back and admire the results.
Hopefully I can sit back and admire it now.
They say a gardener's work is never done.

I'm ok with that tho.
I don't like sitting around with nothing to do.
I feel too useless, like I'm not contributing to the family
or something. idk

Ha! When was the last time I sat all day?
Can't remember to tell the truth.
My days are full of watching the grandkids
and doing laundry, dishes, making meals
and working in my gardens.

So why then do I feel as if I don't contribute to the family?
What's got me thinking that what I do all day isn't enough?
And it isn't enough for whom? Me? Or him?
And WHY isn't it enough?
Because I don't make any money at it?
When did my self worth become equal to how much I earn?
If this is about money, when the Hell did that happen?

Is it because I stay at home?
Is that it?
Is that guilt then?
And who's guilt is it? Mine or his?
Should I feel guilty cuz he has to go to work and I don't?
Is he resentful of me cuz I am at home and he's not?
And if I'm guilty and he's resentful, when in the Hell did that happen?

I like gardening cuz it keeps me on my knees
And on my knees is a good place to find myself
Cuz then I am in the perfect position to pray.

I think I'm gonna go back out to my gardens
Drop to my knees and pray while I weed and water.

I pray dear Lord:
For him. For me. For us. 
For blue skies. For the perfect amount of rain. For flowers.
For birdsong. For Mosquito's and Bee's.
For Grandkids. For dishes and laundry.
For aching hands and knees.
For forgiveness and redemption.
For Peace. For me. For my soul.

I thank you Lord:
For him. For me. For us. 
For blue skies. For the perfect amount of rain. For flowers.
For birdsong. For Mosquito's and Bee's.
For Grandkids. For dishes and laundry.
For aching hands and knees.
For forgiveness and redemption.
For Peace. For me. For my soul.
Amen