On my knees.

How in the world did it become June already?

And where exactly does the time go?!
Whoosh....
It was just Christmas!
Seems as if there was just snow on the ground.
And we all know how fast the Summers go by, don't we?

Been on my knees working in my garden for weeks.
Looks good.
Full of life and color.
Everything is so green and lush.
Grass, bushes, flowers, trees.
Isn't too hot or humid.
No mosquito's yet. And very few Bee's so far.

It's nice to sit in a comfy lawn chair on the new mulched patio
with a glass of wine or Iced Tea and just relax at the end of the day.

I like the fact that I have accomplished so much in the garden.
By dinner time I'm tired, but it's a good tired type of feeling.
My hands hurt tho. So do my knees. They could use a break.

Washing the dirt off of my hands
Stomping the muck off of my boots
Easing the kink outta my knees and back
Downing a coupla Advil for me poor joints.

It's all so worth it when I can stand back and admire the results.
Hopefully I can sit back and admire it now.
They say a gardener's work is never done.

I'm ok with that tho.
I don't like sitting around with nothing to do.
I feel too useless, like I'm not contributing to the family
or something. idk

Ha! When was the last time I sat all day?
Can't remember to tell the truth.
My days are full of watching the grandkids
and doing laundry, dishes, making meals
and working in my gardens.

So why then do I feel as if I don't contribute to the family?
What's got me thinking that what I do all day isn't enough?
And it isn't enough for whom? Me? Or him?
And WHY isn't it enough?
Because I don't make any money at it?
When did my self worth become equal to how much I earn?
If this is about money, when the Hell did that happen?

Is it because I stay at home?
Is that it?
Is that guilt then?
And who's guilt is it? Mine or his?
Should I feel guilty cuz he has to go to work and I don't?
Is he resentful of me cuz I am at home and he's not?
And if I'm guilty and he's resentful, when in the Hell did that happen?

I like gardening cuz it keeps me on my knees
And on my knees is a good place to find myself
Cuz then I am in the perfect position to pray.

I think I'm gonna go back out to my gardens
Drop to my knees and pray while I weed and water.

I pray dear Lord:
For him. For me. For us. 
For blue skies. For the perfect amount of rain. For flowers.
For birdsong. For Mosquito's and Bee's.
For Grandkids. For dishes and laundry.
For aching hands and knees.
For forgiveness and redemption.
For Peace. For me. For my soul.

I thank you Lord:
For him. For me. For us. 
For blue skies. For the perfect amount of rain. For flowers.
For birdsong. For Mosquito's and Bee's.
For Grandkids. For dishes and laundry.
For aching hands and knees.
For forgiveness and redemption.
For Peace. For me. For my soul.
Amen