Saved and surprised

I bought this tote bag for $12.50 after reading Ann Voskamp's blog post.

There was a limited supply- only 1,000 available to be purchased.
They sold out in under 1 hour.
I was one of the lucky ones who persevered thru the excruciatingly slow and what ended up being a crashing web site to the cart and checkout.
So many others couldn't even access the site.
I was feeling very satisfied with myself for having the patience to try, try, and try again to get thru to the site domain and for supporting a great cause.
When I got it in the mail 3 days later I squealed!
My son wanted to know what I was so excited about so I showed him the tote bag. He rolled his eyes at me after reading what the bag had written on it-

God's always good and you are always loved 
                       eucharisteo

And for a split second, he made me feel bad about myself.
Said something smart alecky about the women making the bags being moved from one form of slavery only to be put into another.
From Sex slavery to Sweat Shop laborer.
And I wondered for a split second if he was right.

It aggravated me that he had such a negative view.
It aggravated me that I felt like he was making fun of me.
It aggravated me that he rolled his eyes at the bag...
as if to say "Poor Mom...just doesn't get it".
And it aggravated me cuz it aggravated me!

We have different beliefs, my son and I, when it comes to God.
He used to be a believer, then he went to college.
Came home a different boy 2 years later.
Course I'm not the same person I was all them years ago either.
I didn't find God until I was 48. (Or rather He came looking for me is more like it)

Psalm 18:16

The Message (MSG)

16-19 But me he caught—reached all the way
    from sky to sea; he pulled me out
Of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
    the void in which I was drowning.
They hit me when I was down,
    but God stuck by me.
He stood me up on a wide-open field;
    I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!

Love this Psalm. And it's so true for me at least.
I had no idea the depths I had sunk to.
No clue that I was seething with rage and self righteous behavior.
Bitter, judgemental, holier than thou.
Had no relationship with Him at all.

Oh sure, I went to church every year at Christmas.
Went again on Easter Sunday.
Took my kids to Sunday School.
But I detested going to church the rest of the year.
It was boring.
I had a million other things that I needed to get done.
The pastor talked about a God that I didn't want to know.
Fire and Brimstone type preaching sometimes.
I never came away from a sermon wanting more.
Ever.

Until I heard His voice.
Until He called my name.
Until I had no where to go but into His arms.
Until He reached down and saved me...mostly from myself.
And, yes, I was surprised to say the least.
Cuz I didn't deserve it.

But that's what is so great about God.
That's why I loved this bag....

God's always good and you are always loved 

I didn't know that was possible.
I'd never before felt the love of God.
I wondered why God was so mean sometimes.
Why He caused bad things to happen to people.
Why he let bad things happen.
Wondered to myself why He was so vengeful and angry.

But when He saved me???
I learned that He wasn't an angry God out to punish me.
He's a compassionate God who was willing to save me.
From all of the damage that I had inflicted upon myself and those around me.
He was willing to forgive me for being so angry at Him.
He showed me that He was a loving God.
He showed me that He was good.
And He showed me that I was loved.
Always.

Two songs by Mandisa that I thought went well with today's post-

What if it's God speaking

He is with you