Just You and I

Friday morning we set out for Florida. Just him and I. And the dog.
Driving 15 hours to plant our arses on the beach and listen to the waves crash onto the shore is my idea of heaven.
We rented a beachfront condo so we can listen to the waves for the next 7 days.
I will hear YAHWEH calling to me through those waves. It will cause me to pause and listen and pray and be grateful and thankful in ways that I believe I have forgotten.
Anxiety, panic and nerves have rendered me mute, again. Or rather a form of muteness.
Whenever the anxiety hits it takes my breath away, causing me to feel slightly short of breath.
It makes me feel like I have to struggle to breathe and it makes me even more short tempered
and anxiety filled. Forcing myself to inhale then causes my muscles between my shoulder blades to tighten up, which in turn makes it harder for me to take a deep breath.
I think I just need to rest and not do anything for a while.
No house cleaning, no childcare, no TV or Internet.
(I don't watch TV that much anyway so that won't be a hardship for me.)
I will still be posting to my Instagram account though. And reading.
I have in my tote bag 5 separate books to take along. That in itself is giving me anxiety.
What if I'm bringing too many? What if I like one and start to read it I but don't get to the other  4? Why bring so many? Why not just bring one good book??? What if I only bring one book and it turns out to be a dud?? I'll need another book just in case.
Good lord. Ignore me. Now I am looking for things to fret about.

I will hear YAHWEH calling to me on that beach and my husband will hear fish calling to him.
He is bringing his fishing poles and bait buckets and tackle boxes and his chair so he can cast and fish to his hearts content.
It's a perfect vacation for the both of us.
Reading for me and fishing for him, all while sitting on a sunny beach with our toes in the sand.



Did I forget to mention that Monday April 23rd will be our 35th wedding anniversary?
We were 19 and 20 when we got married.
What were we thinking? What did we know about life or love or each other or even the world?



Nothing. We knew nothing. About any of it.
Years 1 thru 10 were spent on many an emotional battleground tearing each other apart.
We had 4 kids in the span of 6 years and never found the time for getting to know us.
Years 10 thru 28 were spent in a codependant/alcoholic rage that nearly undid us at times.
How we made it through the beginning of those years I don't know.
The start of  year 28 is when I found Alanon.  Alanon saved me and the Intervention saved him.
Years 29 thru the present have been the most comfortable, the most stable, the least volatile.
We still have our rough spots that we have to navigate now and then.
But it's an easier feeling that flows between us now.

"Our Song" is the same as the title to this post- Just You and I by Eddie Rabbit and Crystal Gayle.
Have a listen if you care to-

Never really thought about what life would be like for us all of these years later.
But I am glad to say to you, to him...
We'll be alright....Just You and I.
We made it... You and I.

See you all after vacation. I'm actually giddy with anticipation!

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly