As expected I am grieving.
I am heart broken, sad, adrift.
My thinking is fuzzy and I am forgetful
For some reason, I can't figure out how to grocery shop for everything I need.
I hate wearing jeans and prefer my husbands sweats instead. His T-shirts too.
Nothing smells like him anymore and I miss that. I threw out his toothbrush.
I miss the feel of his warm skin and the sound of his voice. I miss his eyes.
I miss holding hands and kissing goodnight and the way he used to kiss my neck.
I allow myself the luxury of bawling my eyes out whenever I feel like it.
I prefer being by myself and so far others have respected my wishes.
I feel like I am a wounded animal and just want to be left alone to nurse my wounds in private.
For the moment I enjoy the silence and the solitude.
The world is getting scarier by the day and I wish he was here, healthy and whole, to talk to.
I am eating and sleeping (probably too much of both) but I think it's allowed for new widows.
I need to learn how to process this new life I've been given and put it into my writing.
Still a work in progress and I am ok with that. No rush. No hurry.
I'll keep you posted.
Love, Lolly
