As expected I am grieving.
I am heart broken, sad, adrift.
My thinking is fuzzy and I am forgetful
For some reason, I can't figure out how to grocery shop for everything I need.
I hate wearing jeans and prefer my husbands sweats instead. His T-shirts too.
Nothing smells like him anymore and I miss that. I threw out his toothbrush.
I miss the feel of his warm skin and the sound of his voice. I miss his eyes.
I miss holding hands and kissing goodnight and the way he used to kiss my neck.
I allow myself the luxury of bawling my eyes out whenever I feel like it.
I prefer being by myself and so far others have respected my wishes.
I feel like I am a wounded animal and just want to be left alone to nurse my wounds in private.
For the moment I enjoy the silence and the solitude.
The world is getting scarier by the day and I wish he was here, healthy and whole, to talk to.
I am eating and sleeping (probably too much of both) but I think it's allowed for new widows.
I need to learn how to process this new life I've been given and put it into my writing.
Still a work in progress and I am ok with that. No rush. No hurry.
I'll keep you posted.
Love, Lolly
I am so glad that you are honoring your grieving process and not expecting or asking too much of yourself. Treat yourself just like you would treat your dear child if this had happened to them. Be that loving parent that we all need. Hugs....big tight hugs!
ReplyDeleteThe people in the grief group I attended are a wonderful group. I learned so much from them. One observation that helped me-- the ones who tried to sidestep their grief or shorten it because they didn't want the pain, have not done as well. The ones who have waded deep into the pain and loneliness, holding on to God (who is now the link between the one remaining and the one gone on) and not putting a time limit on their journey, are the ones who have done the best. I think of you daily and lift you in prayer, dear friend. Each day that passes brings you closer to Art. xoxo
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