Questions

It seems to be a bit of a thing here lately...
at least with some of the blogs that I read,
To give the audience (You guys) a chance to ask the blogger (Me) questions.
It scares me a bit.
What could the 4 of you possible want to know about me?
Or what if the 4 of you don't even have any questions that you want to ask me?
How horrible would that be?
So I guess I'll take a leap of faith here and just ask-
Do you have a question for me?
Anything you're wondering about me but afraid to ask?
Any burning desire to know what makes me tick?
Something that really isn't any of your business but you're curious?
Cuz now is the time to ask.


Summer is quickly coming to a close here.
My gardens are starting to wilt no matter how much I water them.
The grass is turning brown..lots of heat and no rain.
Some of the neighborhood trees have leaves that are starting to change!
School starts for my perfect and tiny 5 year old grandson in 12 days.
When did THAT happen? Holy Cow! He's in Kindergarten!!

Him and I are getting along and liking each other.
Hills and Valleys with us...always.

I got a new IPhone with a shitload of more space.
So I joined Instagram and am loving it.
Want to follow me?
Let me know and I'll give you my Instagram name.
It's my real name in case you are wondering.
But I feel like I can trust you ladies.

That's it for now.
Looking forward to your questions...(I think)
Enjoy the rest of your Summer!

Love, Lolly

Tripping on vacation

Took ourselves on a family trip to the mountains.
It was supposed to be a vacation.
Ended up being a trip instead.
What's the difference you ask??
A vacation is something that relaxes you...
You feel the cares of the world slip away
There is no itinerary...no plans.
A vacation replenishes a person-body & soul.
Not so much with a trip.

We drove 19 hours that first night and day.
Mapquest said it was a 12 hour drive.
I guess Mapquest doesn't factor in traveling
with 3 kids under 5 and potty breaks.
And stopping for gas. And snacks.
And walking around to ease the aches
in the back and legs of the adults.
And wind driven rain and flooded roads.
The first four hours we drove in rain and wind and on black shiny wet roads.
I thanked God when I saw dawn break over the Minnesota horizon.
It was an easy drive once the rain let up.
Minnesota and South Dakota are basically flat.
Except for the Black Hills.

Our cabin was nestled in the forest at the top
of one of those hills. Elevation 5600 feet.
It took 1 hour on switchback gravel roads
to get to it.
The actual driveway to the cabin was 11 miles long.
And once we got there I wanted off that mountain.
The air was too thin. I was filled with anxiety.
We were in such a remote spot. No people. No town.
And knowing that it would take an hour to get back down those twisting gravel roads to civilization made me panic.
The scenery was beautiful. The cabin was amazing.
And I wanted nothing more than to go home.

In the middle of the very first night I woke up short of breath.
Woke up my husband and said to him-
"You gotta get me off this mountain. I can't breath."
It was a full blown panic attack.
I don't know if it was from the long drive
or the switchback roads or the thin air.
He tried to calm me down by talking to me.
But it didn't help.
I was wringing my hands, my mind was whirling.
Our bedroom was so damn black. I felt disoriented.
I wanted someone to call a helicopter to come and
fly me off that mountain.
I couldn't imagine having to drive back down those roads.
Guess what? No cell service. No Wifi. No internet.
Not that I would have really called a helicopter.
But in the middle of a panic attack most people
aren't thinking rationally at all.

I tried praying but couldn't concentrate on the words.
I laid there on that unfamiliar bed made out of logs
with only one word swirling around my head....Jesus.
JesusJesusJesusJesusJesusJesusJesusJesusJesus

The last thought I remember having before I fell asleep was this-
"Ok GOD, You've got me on this mountain.
Now what do you want me to see?"


This was the view out my window at 5:30am.


I jumped in the shower, got dressed, grabbed a cup of coffee and my journal and went outside.

First thing I saw was all of the pine trees...
All of them reaching towards the heavens.
It looked to me like they were raising their hands in praise.















The very next thing I saw was a doe and 2 fawns walking up the gravel driveway.
One fawn was older than the other.
I imagined that the older one was like a 10 year old
sibling to its 5 year old brother.
The 10 year old was prancing sideways and skipping.
It leapt high in the air and kicked its hoofs out.
The doe kept eating the scrub grass and the 5 year old stayed right by her side.
But this older fawn just kept leaping and skipping and prancing.
It seemed to be filled with so much joy!
And I was too entranced to take a picture.

The next thing I noticed was the sound of the wind.
It seemed to pick up in intensity just as I started to notice it.
The leaves of the Quaking Aspen trees were fluttering
and the saplings started swaying.
I swear I heard whispering.
Put it together with the smell of Pine and the sounds
of birds and a clear blue sky and scurrying bunnies
and I could feel myself starting to relax a bit.
I kept walking and found wild flowers and swaying grasses
and so much purple clover.
At the end of the driveway on the left side
was a gurgling little creek filled with rocks.












Nice and quiet and tranquil, right?

We spent the next 4 days driving up and down those darn gravel roads.
Every touristy thing we wanted to do or see was at the bottom
of that switchback mountain road.
We were centrally located to all of the area attractions.
Which meant that once we got down to the bottom,
which took anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour,
then...THEN it was another 30  miles to our  destination.

We saw Mount Rushmore and Custer State park.

We saw Crazy Horse Monument and the town of Deadwood.
We saw Sturgis and the tiny mountain town of Rochford.







We saw Buffalo from this far away---
We saw Prairie Dogs and some sort of deer.




And finally on the last day of our vacation we saw The Badlands.
Simply stated they were stunning, beautiful, awe-inspiring.

Every day trip we took we saw something beautiful.
We let our 5 yr old grandson pan for gold.
We got all 3 grand kids ice cream and souvenirs.
Him and I got Harley shirts from Sturgis.
One day we let our grown kids sleep late and fed the grand kids breakfast.
All of us got irritated with each other and short tempered after so many days of close proximity in the car.
Our 1 year old grandson is a pincher and a hitter.
Our one son-in-law showered once in 5 days.
Our other son-in-law was mean and strict to his nephew and niece.
(our 5 yr old grandson & 2 yr old grandaughter)
I complained about the speed of the car as we careened down that mountain every day.
One daughter was sloppy. One was ultra neat.
My husband took around 800 pictures.
And walked much slower than the rest of us, so we were always waiting for him to catch up.

Honestly? I felt like I started to unclench my fists and my jaw on the way home.
I learned that vacation to me means The Ocean, not The Mountain.
I learned that both of my son-in-laws could be jerks.
I learned that altitude sickness causes anxiety.
I learned that I could drive on I-90 through 2 states and not be afraid of the Semi's.
(I usually don't drive at all on trips. This trip was a game changer for me.)

When we got home I looked up the meaning of those Quaking Aspen trees.
And here's what I learned:

Aspen: Tree of Loyalty and Harmony 
Symbolic of the "Voice of Spirit" 
The Aspen, considered part of the poplar family, has a habit of shimmering or quivering in the breeze making a distinctive rustling, whispering sound. 
In many cultures and religions the wind is associated with the "Voice of Spirit," and in the boughs and leaves of the Aspen, the wind finds a distinctive voice to inspire those who would listen with patience and sensitivity. The movement of the wind through the canopy and the sun dappling through the leaves can have a mesmerizing effect, encouraging a contemplative and meditative frame of mind.

The wind blows all around us as if it has a will of its own; we feel and hear it, but we do not understand where it has come from or where it will end up. Life in the Spirit is as if it were the wind of God.  John 3:8

I learned to appreciate the voice I heard in that wind.
It was telling me that everything was gonna be all right.
And indeed it was.
After 6 days together in a cabin in the woods at the top of a mountain,
After being aggravated and panicked and hot and tired,
After driving that long road back home,
Everything was indeed all right.

Processing.....

We've been away... on our trip to the mountains.
It was a trip not a vacation.
More on that later.

We've had a rather wet summer so far.
Lots of indoor activities...no swimming
No sand box, no playing out of doors.
Lots of DVDs and books and Legos.

I'm struggling to keep up with reading my blogs.
I've also got a large stack of books that I want to read
and am finding I have no time for that either.

If you asked me what I do with my time
I wouldn't be able to give you an answer.
I don't know where the time goes.

7:30am the grandkids get here.
Noon we eat lunch.
5:00pm they get picked up.
8:00pm I'm more than ready to go to bed.

I blink and the day slips by me.
I close my eyes and the night slips by too.

Still processing all we saw and did on our trip.
Will post when I find the time.
Ha!

No complaining, right?

Went to my last dental appt today. Finally got that last cavity filled.
Had the rest of my teeth cleaned. Had the last of my gums scraped.
And realized that my dental hygienist is a condescending bitch.
Sorry Lord.
That must be the pain talking. But for real...she was rude.
Asking me questions that she really didn't care about.
Interrupting with a new question as I was answering the old one.
Asking me if I liked to eat popcorn...it embarrassed me.
I cried cuz it hurt and she told me to stop touching my face,
As I was wiping away my tears.

ANYWAY...
No more complaining, right?
Thank You Jesus for my teeth.

It's mid summer here and I'm waiting for some summer sun.
No complaining, right?
Thank You Jesus that I haven't had to water my gardens yet.

We are going on vacation with all of our kids and grandkids.
No complaining, right?
Thank You Jesus for kids and grandkids and vacations.

Thank You for the verdant green of a lush overly wet summer.
Thank You for libraries that have children's DVD's and books to read.
Thank You for time-off of work and schedules that coincide and
and enough money to be able to afford a family vacation.
Thank You for cabins in the woods and for Mt. Rushmore and the Badlands.
Thank You that we are all healthy enough to travel and to drive ourselves
in cars that we can afford and that we get along better than well enough
to spend the next 7 days together in 4 rooms plus a kitchenette and a bathroom.

Thank You for eyes to see and ears to hear.
Thank You for legs that work and teeth that chew.
Thank You for these creaky bones that hold up this 53 year old body-
Without them I'd be a puddle on the floor.
Thank You Jesus for dentists that give a shit about my teeth.
Thank You for cranky rude hygienists that ask me inane questions.
Thank You Jesus for popcorn.

Thank You Jesus for left over spaghetti for dinner
And for the Pinot Grigio that I drank with it.

Thank You for the sunshine today
and for the grandson that I played outside in it with.
Thank You for 3 hour naps for 2 year old grandaughters.
Thank You for a husband that works overtime
so he can be free for a week of vacation.

Thank You Jesus for all of it.
Amen.

Time-Out

My 2 year old grandaughter likes washing her hands.
When we play outside, I prop open the screen porch door
so they can come and go as they need to-
to fetch new toys and so my 5 year old grandson can go potty.
Yesterday my grandaughter came up to me with mud on her hands.
There is a tiny hill of mud in one corner of the yard leftover
from planting a bush and they have been digging in it.

I brushed the dry mud from her hands and said to her
"There! All clean!"....and unleashed her fury.
NOOOOO!!! she screamed at me.
She marched herself  right back to that mud pile
where she grabbed 2 fist fulls of mud, marched back to me,
then marched passed me with her two tiny clenched fists
and with all her strength hurled that mud into the screen porch
via the propped open door.

She turned around, walked back over to me and with the sweetness of a Viper
said  "Me wash hands Granny?"

Uh...sure. Let's go wash your hands.

Back in the yard a few minutes later they both want
to play with the bubble mower at the same time.
They spill 32 ounces of bubble mixture on the ground
while wrestling each other to fill the "gas tank".
When she asks for more bubbles I tell her that they are all gone.
NOOOO!.....more fury is unleashed.


Earlier in the day she had asked to play with their tiny pop up tent.
She said "C'mon brother..play with me."
Brother refused ....and unleashed her fury.
She dove at him with her fingers extended like claws.
He defended himself a little too harshly.
She howled and scratched and clawed,
He threw her down after shoving her in the face.
I physically had to pull the two of them apart.
Into separate corners they went for a 5 minute time out.
One minute into this time out he says to me-
"Granny? When I'm done with my time out can I play
with the pop up tent?"

What the.....????
Seriously??? I wanted to lose my mind right then.
Five minutes later they both crawled into that tent and laughed
and played nicely together til snack time.

I have the day off today unexpectedly and I'm lonely for them.
I need my head examined I suppose. I feel at a loss sitting here by myself.
Most days are spent feeding, chasing, wiping, separating the two of them.
What do I do without them?? Laundry? Mop floors? Grocery shop?
Work on this blog post for two hours??

Okay, okay...Time's up. I'm gonna head out.
Wasted too much time trying to say I miss my grandkids.

A day in this life.

My painful tooth has been pulled.
I cry when I come out of anesthesia...anybody else do that?
Wonder if it's my body's way of feeling the loss of that tooth.
I go back to the DDS in 2 weeks to have two more cavities filled.
Geezaloo...wish me luck on that day.

It is a beautiful day today. Temperature is going to be 72.
Gonna take these grandyoungins of mine on a field trip
to the local department store which in this case is Walmart.
We went to Target on Wednesday to get prescriptions.
They got popcorn and juice boxes from the snack bar.
You'd have thought it was Christmas for them.
So damn excited to be eating stale popcorn.

Found bugs in every single box of cereal in the pantry.
Threw out 4 mostly full boxes. Shit.
At nearly $4.00 per box that really sucks.

The man has been overworked lately at his job.
Which makes him surely and rude at home.
Been trying to pray him through it.
Meaning I keep asking God to keep watch over him.
(In my head the prayer comes out like this-
Jesus..shut him up. I'm sick of listening to him complain.
Please help him find gratitude for something..ANYTHING
in his life that will help him to know You)
(( The fact that I complain about him is not lost on me))

As I type this my windows are open and I hear the birds.
The grand kids are watching cartoons
and eating bowls of cereal without bugs.
Yesterday we planted carrot and radish seeds in clay pots.
First thing this morning they checked to see if there was growth.

Last night I went shopping with my sister.
I found a cute new swim suit that doesn't make me look fat,
and it is comfortable at the same time.
And a new pair of jeans and a $7.00 pair of really cute sandals.
Shopping is sooo cathartic...yes??

In 2 weeks we are going on vacation to South Dakota.
It's been a long time since we've gone anywhere,
and we've never been west of the Mississippi River.
Well... once, 34 years ago, we drove to Dallas Texas
by way of Missouri and Oklahoma.
We drove threw the night so we didn't really see anything.

Are you bored yet?
This is the mundane stuff of my life.
And honestly?? I wouldn't trade it for anything.
(well, I could do without these damn painful teeth of mine)





Amen.

toothache

I have a toothache.
Most likely an abcess in the molar my dentist just filled 2 weeks ago.
He told me the filling wouldn't last long.
It was a rather large cavity.
So I made the necessary arrangements to have it pulled today.
GOD! but I surely do hate teeth.
Aside from the fact that I eat with them on a daily basis,
My teeth have never been kind to me.

My mom calls them sugar teeth- they are prone to cavities.
Every filling eventually fails leading to a root canal.
Which in turn will fail, which leads to extractions.

To be truthful, I would need 4 dental implants to replace
the teeth I've lost to extractions.
I've already had 1 dental implant done which cost $5000.00!

How do they expect people to afford this??

I'm nervous and anxious for it to be over and done with.
I want the pain to stop but I hate the feeling of that
bloody gauze clenched between my gum and teeth
after the procedure is over.

Have you all figured out that I am never happy on this here blog?!
That I complain Way. Too. Much.???
Sorry friends.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting.
I promise you that I am working on my positive attitude.