Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong

I found these 2 questions on another blog:

How has loneliness been a part of your faith journey with Jesus?
When I started on this faith journey, I was feeling a million things.
I was mourning the loss of my sister,
We had just put our beloved dog to sleep,
I was feeling humiliated for being fired from my old job,
I was stressed because no one was hiring during this recession.
(When I finally did get hired it was by a woman who owned her own company
She ended up verbally abusing me; and telling the other workers that I was crazy. I was with her company for a year.)
But I wouldn't have ever said that I was lonely.
One day I was driving into work listening to a Christian radio station
when the female DJ asked the listening audience- 
Are you in a dark place in your life?
Are you lonely?
At a dead end job?
Are you in a bad relationship with nowhere to turn?
Are you looking for someone to save you?
Are you looking for a Savior?
Jesus can save you friend. Jesus loves you. He cares about you. 
Turn to Jesus.
I immediately started bawling right there in the car,
on the highway, on my way to work.
To me, it felt like it was Jesus saying these words to me
and not a female DJ with a southern accent.
I felt His presence. 
It felt like He was talking directly to ME!
And it made me feel crazy.
And I cried for days.
When I told my sister what had happened in the car
she said that hearing the voice of God usually does make people cry.
And that made me cry. Mostly because she believed me.
I started reading anything and everything I could get my hands on
that would keep me close to Jesus.
Spiritual books, prayer books, The Message Bible.
I joined a Bible study. Then another.
I started listening to Worship music.
I started looking for life quotes that I could put up as my status on Facebook
I started walking with my worship music in my ears
And that helped me to start seeing that God was everywhere!
In a blade of grass, in the leaves of trees, in red birds sitting in bushes
In flowers, in gardens, in clouds and rain, in sunrises and sunsets.

To answer the question at the beginning of this post-
This. This is where it got lonely.
I was reading the Bible by myself
I was listening to worship music by myself
I was walking by myself
I was seeing God in the birds and flowers and clouds by myself
The deeper and more profound the quote of the day that I posted on my Facebook page, the quieter it got in my life.
It was as if everybody knew that I was going thru something huge
Yet no one asked me about it.
And I didn't want to say anything to anyone either
lest they think I was crazier than I already felt.
Also, it just felt like this was something that I had to do on my own.
God was asking me to open my eyes, to become grateful, 
To see and appreciate the beauty that was all around me, 
To see the beauty that was in my life
He was teaching me how to worship Him
How to thank Him
How to not take anything or anyone for granted
How everything He does is either a lesson or a blessing.
For me, it wasn't a bad sort of loneliness.
I don't think that I could have shared this journey with anyone at the time.
It felt too personal. Too raw. Too emotional.
And question #2-
What are the words that Jesus is speaking into your soul today?
This question can best be summed up with the song below.
Love, love, love this song!
Because this is what it feels like now!
After 2 years, it feels like I am coming outta the darkness.
It feels like He is saying the exact same thing to me-
Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

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