Thursday, July 25, 2013

Monday, Monday....

I am amazingly happy today and it feels so good!
It was a great weekend.
Friday night we went out to dinner with the in-laws.
Saturday we had husbands 50th birthday party.
Lynnie ought to be real proud of herself.
She  did a great job with the food, the planning....everything.
I don't know how to thank her for all she did.
With the exception of 14 people not showing who said that that they would,
the party came off without a hitch.
Great weather, low humidity, and no rain !!
Pontoon family boat ride on the river,
Eatin' under shady trees
A breeze coming off the river,
Reconnecting with old friends.....
We had a wonderful, wonderful time!
Lotsa memories and a stunning sunset to boot.

I shopped for groceries right after church
so the house is stocked with food.
Sunday afternoon we spent doing yard work and house work.
Laundry, dishes, mopping floors, mowing the lawn.
How does a house get sooo trashed when we weren't even home all weekend??
Felt good to get the cleaning done tho.
This morning the grand kids came early at 7:30 am
Grandson walked in with Grampa's party balloons tied to his "pack pack".
Grandaughter had been asleep when her Momma put her in the car seat
When she woke up at my house, her little face was all tired and sleepy
with little tiny purple bags under her eyes!
Why this is so cute and charming to me I don't know
Purple bags under my eyes never looked cute or charming! Ha!!
As I type this she is alternating between growling and giggling at her little stuffed lovie.
Grandson is eating "can-cakes" and cut up "aw sterries" and watching cartoons
This morning when I went out to water I saw two cardinals in the tree.
A male and a female. A couple maybe??
The rain barrel was full so I emptied it into my gardens.
Hopefully it will rain again later today and fill it back up.
The house is clean and cool and quiet even with the cartoons playing in the background.
I can feel the happy down in the pit of my stomach
Life, as I know it today, is great!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Losing my cool

I'm hot
I'm aggravated
Outside the heat index is 107
I need to water the plants
and as I spray the Hostas a large moth flies out and scares the crap outta me
(I think it's a bee at the time)
causing me to yank the hose
which gets caught on a branch
which makes the wet and dirty hose
drag across my clean shirt
leaving a trail of mud behind.
I get in the shower
drop the soap
nick myself shaving.
When I'm done I put on my terry cloth robe
which immediately causes me to start sweltering
even tho my husband has the AC set at 69!!
Digging through my drawers
looking for another cool summer shirt
I realize that I am digging through
that no longer fit me.
I discard shirt after shirt after shirt
useless, too tight, too short, too whatever
My hair is wet and aggravating the shit outta me
I don't like the way it is cut.
Wish that I could put it up in a pony tail.
Instead it clings to my face and neck
trying to strangle me
The dogs want to go out and they keep following me around
scratching at my feet or at door frames
reminding me that they want to go out.
I can feel them under my feet as I lurch from room to room
in that mother F-ing sweltering terry cloth robe
with a stinging cut on my leg
and hair sticking to my face and neck
too fat to wear last years Summer tank tops.
I just want to get dressed.
I go to sit down at my desk, light my candle
(which I like to think represents Gods light and presence)
and I find my son watching movies in the living room.
His allergies are acting up this morning
so all I hear is sneezing and coughing and nose blowing
and it feels like nails on a chalkboard to me.
I start reading my devotionals and my son starts to talk.
Telling me about the 2 movies he is watching simultaneously.
I move to my bedroom and find that the oscillating fan is squeaking
at a decibel only my dogs can a high pitched whine.
To turn it off would be akin to placing my bedroom in an oven
since the room faces the Sun,
so AC or no AC, the temp ramps up pretty quickly without air movement.
Leaving my squeaky, hot bedroom on my way to the kitchen, I step in a puddle of pee.
I haven't let the dogs out yet.
Guess I don't have to anymore.
Not their fault. They tried to tell me. Repeatedly.
In the kitchen, I think that I will make an iced coffee.
Cool myself down a bit.
Open the fridge. No ice.
Husband took both bags with him when he went fishing yesterday.
Defeated. Fail. Exasperated. What other words fit here?
Believe you me!!!  I am desperately trying to find the lesson in all of this.
Patience maybe??
Read devotionals and light my God's presence candle before I start my day?
Get a new lighter weight robe?
Lose 15 pounds?
Take the dogs out before I shower?
Jesus, if you're listening to this rant of mine I beg you to forgive me.
I know how truly blessed I am.
So here's my prayer-
Thank you for waking me up on this wonderful warm Summer day.
Thank you for the beautiful flowers that are thriving in my garden.
Thank you for my house and indoor showers and terry cloth robes.
Thank you for my dogs, and paper towels and large sized tank tops.
Thank you for my sneezing and coughing and nose blowing boy.
Thank you for the husband that took 2 whole bags of ice to go fishing.
Thank you for Iced Tea instead of Iced Coffee.
Thank you for letting me rant  and rave.
Thank you for loving me anyway.

This is perfect- click to read

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong

I found these 2 questions on another blog:

How has loneliness been a part of your faith journey with Jesus?
When I started on this faith journey, I was feeling a million things.
I was mourning the loss of my sister,
We had just put our beloved dog to sleep,
I was feeling humiliated for being fired from my old job,
I was stressed because no one was hiring during this recession.
(When I finally did get hired it was by a woman who owned her own company
She ended up verbally abusing me; and telling the other workers that I was crazy. I was with her company for a year.)
But I wouldn't have ever said that I was lonely.
One day I was driving into work listening to a Christian radio station
when the female DJ asked the listening audience- 
Are you in a dark place in your life?
Are you lonely?
At a dead end job?
Are you in a bad relationship with nowhere to turn?
Are you looking for someone to save you?
Are you looking for a Savior?
Jesus can save you friend. Jesus loves you. He cares about you. 
Turn to Jesus.
I immediately started bawling right there in the car,
on the highway, on my way to work.
To me, it felt like it was Jesus saying these words to me
and not a female DJ with a southern accent.
I felt His presence. 
It felt like He was talking directly to ME!
And it made me feel crazy.
And I cried for days.
When I told my sister what had happened in the car
she said that hearing the voice of God usually does make people cry.
And that made me cry. Mostly because she believed me.
I started reading anything and everything I could get my hands on
that would keep me close to Jesus.
Spiritual books, prayer books, The Message Bible.
I joined a Bible study. Then another.
I started listening to Worship music.
I started looking for life quotes that I could put up as my status on Facebook
I started walking with my worship music in my ears
And that helped me to start seeing that God was everywhere!
In a blade of grass, in the leaves of trees, in red birds sitting in bushes
In flowers, in gardens, in clouds and rain, in sunrises and sunsets.

To answer the question at the beginning of this post-
This. This is where it got lonely.
I was reading the Bible by myself
I was listening to worship music by myself
I was walking by myself
I was seeing God in the birds and flowers and clouds by myself
The deeper and more profound the quote of the day that I posted on my Facebook page, the quieter it got in my life.
It was as if everybody knew that I was going thru something huge
Yet no one asked me about it.
And I didn't want to say anything to anyone either
lest they think I was crazier than I already felt.
Also, it just felt like this was something that I had to do on my own.
God was asking me to open my eyes, to become grateful, 
To see and appreciate the beauty that was all around me, 
To see the beauty that was in my life
He was teaching me how to worship Him
How to thank Him
How to not take anything or anyone for granted
How everything He does is either a lesson or a blessing.
For me, it wasn't a bad sort of loneliness.
I don't think that I could have shared this journey with anyone at the time.
It felt too personal. Too raw. Too emotional.
And question #2-
What are the words that Jesus is speaking into your soul today?
This question can best be summed up with the song below.
Love, love, love this song!
Because this is what it feels like now!
After 2 years, it feels like I am coming outta the darkness.
It feels like He is saying the exact same thing to me-
Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.