Tuesday

After the hustle and bustle of summer (what hustle and bustle??)
I am so ready for the cooler weather heading our way.
I am sick unto death of being hot and sweaty.
If this is "The Change", then I've been going through it for over 7 years.
Summer anymore makes me feel cranky and out of sorts.

Walking to the library yesterday with the grand kids,
made me feel like I wanted to scream.
Half way there, I come across two ladies that I went to high school with.
They are out walking their usual 5 miles a day that they feel they must map out
and then put on Facebook for the rest of us to not really give a damn about.
It was so hot and humid and I was so hot and sweaty.
And they look like a million bucks...ok not a million dollars really
but a couple of hundred maybe, in their walking shorts and shoes that match.
And their hair was perfect...not messy or  mussed up or even in a pony tail.
They had make up on for shits sake!
They smiled at me and said Hi.  Said the grand kids were cute.
To which I responded with-
"I babysit them for 8 hours a day. At the end of the day they're not so cute anymore".
What a stupid thing to say...and they are still cute at the end of the day!
Tsk...why am I so inept at small talk??

I knew what I looked like...I'd been walking for a block and sweating since I had
stepped out of my house.
My hair was flat, my face was flushed, I was wearing my usual scowl.
You know the one, right?
The one I wear when I'm walking to the library and pushing a one year old in a stroller and trying to keep a 4 year old from riding his bike into the street and oncoming traffic.
I judged them for looking too cool and perky...I can only assume they judged me for looking as haggard as I felt.
Is it wrong to tell you I could have sworn that I heard them whisper to each other
 "Weirdo"    as I turned from them and went on my merry way?
Did they? Or is that just my imagination running away with me?

Enough already!! Will these hot flashes never end? Will I ever not be irritable??

Went to the department store with my sister yesterday morning.
Standing in the checkout line, I felt the heat flash over me.
Sonofa....!!!
My deodorant vaporizes instantly...gone...like I never put it on.
I can feel the sweat glands come to life on my head.
I swear I hear a sizzle.
I am instantly aggravated at the poor cashier and my sister too if I'm being honest.
These flashes make me so irritable.
I would almost call it a fight or flight reaction.
I felt that sense of momentary panic...like I wanted to leave the store that instant.
My sister claims to have never felt any menopause symptoms,
so in my mind, I punch her in the back of her head as I storm out of the store,
but I don't actually leave the store.
It's just in my imagination, a little fantasy, for those few minutes as I stand there
and roast to death in the hottest fucking store on Earth!

I feel like a limp dish rag.
Humidity while never any body's friend, is especially tortuous to me.
I can't seem to get away from it this summer.
I can't stop my head from sweating nor my hair from becoming flat.
Big life issues, right?

I told my hairdresser that I want short hair...pixie short.
She said I wouldn't like it.
I beg to differ.
I heard somewhere that every woman should know the freedom of having short hair once in their lifetime.
I am so ready for that freedom.
Personally, I'm rather sick of bitching about my hair on this blog of mine.
Again, I say Enough Already!!

Is it wrong to pray to Jesus to alleviate my menopausal symptoms?
Is it wrong to ask Him to give me courage and strength and cooler weather?
Is it wrong to say to Jesus "Enough already?"
Probably not.

Dear Jesus,
Enough already.
Enough with the hot flashes.
Enough with the sweating.
Enough with my judging of others.
Please help me deal with these things
in a different way.
Give me, grace, peace, forgiveness.
Give me cooler weather, less humidity.
Give me wisdom to stay indoors.
Give me words to say during small talk.
Give me more cute grandchildren.
Give me more of You.
Amen