I am

I am ignorant-
I don't know what it is like to be a person of color living in America. I have no idea what it is like for them to live day in day out feeling like they don't matter...that black lives don't matter.
In truth, the black population wants us to know that they think the white man thinks that black lives don't matter. When it's black gang members killing other black gang members in Chicago then nobody shouts black lives matter.

I realize that...
I am privileged-
I am a middle class white woman living in a middle class white neighborhood. I live in small town USA. We don't have gang wars where at least 6 people are shot dead every single weekend. In my town we don't have any neighborhoods that are called "The Projects" or The Slums. We don't have dope dealers selling crack on our street corners. We didn't have any protesters marching thru our streets or burning down our stores or torching cop cars or looting after the Grand Jury's verdict.

I realize that...
I'm angry-
When I watch the news and see people are looting the stores, I wonder how in the hell does the Grand Jury's decision make breaking into stores and stealing and looting okay? Where is the connection between the two? A select group of people made an unpopular decision based on evidence which pissed them off so let's go steal stuff?! Let's burn down our town cuz that'll show 'em how mad we are. I've never looted any stores and made it a rational decision in my mind that I deserved to have these things, so it was ok. I've never looted at all. Doesn't make any sense to me. They are complaining about the way that they are being treated and yet they are burning down their town and looting and throwing bricks and God knows what else.

I realize that...
I am intolerant-
If I lived in a place like they do, would I feel entitled to steal stuff that I want because a white cop shot a black man? Would any of this have happened if a black cop shot that black kid? Would people still be screaming and crying and protesting if this was a black on black thing? What if it was a black cop and a white kid? Or is this about the fact that the black man had no weapon? Now, couldn't his size have been a weapon? Couldn't his anger have been a weapon? Couldn't the fact that he and his people have been oppressed for the last 200 years made him angry enough to hurt someone or at least "look" like he was gonna hurt someone? I'm serious...Black people are using the history of slavery as a weapon, as a reason for hating white people.

I realize that...
I am saddened-
I will never know what it is like to grow up a person of color. I will never know a hatred so deep that it goes back 200 years and keeps fueling the fire of a certain race of people. I don't even like my own attitude over all of this. I don't know those people who live in Ferguson-either white or black. They live in a state of tension that must at times seem surreal, even to them and this makes me sad. Do they never know peace or have peace or experience any peace, ever, at all? Is there never a time that they can live tension free? Do they ever feel like they can breathe and just be themselves and live their lives?

I realize that...
I am blessed-
Blessed beyond my wildest imagination.
To be born white, to live in Suburbia, to live in the US of A, to never have to wonder if the cop car rolling down the street is out looking for me because of the color of my skin.  I've never known hunger or homelessness, or drug addiction. I've never had to live in the projects or live off of welfare, my people were never slaves, we've never been hunted down for any reason.
I get it. I am very privileged and I've led a very charmed life.

And I realize that...
I am a child of God. We are all children of God. You, me, them, us. Black, White, Red, whatever.
We all deserve to live our lives in peace. We all deserve to be loved, to be forgiven, to be redeemed.
Setting fires, stealing and looting, throwing bricks and bottles just doesn't seem like the right solution to me. Isn't there a better way? Isn't there a way we can learn to live in peace and harmony with ourselves and our neighbors?

Jesus...please come and save us all.