Happy Holidays

Of course I'm busy.
I'm also sick with a bad cold.
So are the grandkids.

Christmas shopping is done. Christmas wrapping is not.

We're going to my daughters house to celebrate Christmas with the entire family.
So I'm not too worried that my house must be spic and span by Friday.
Which is a huge relief because I want to take a nap right now.

My son bought himself a new cat and named him Jackson. Jax for short.
I'll post a pic when I get a chance.
He's adorable and I love him and he makes me feel like we waited too long to get another cat.
It's almost been a year since our boy Junie died.
I love cat antics and watching this little guy fly around the house while
chasing fake mice makes my heart full and happy.

It has rained or been foggy for the better part of 2 weeks.
There will be no white Christmas for us.
While I love the rain, I'd prefer snow for the holidays.

Sorry for the short note...but time keeps getting away from me.

To you, my 3 faithful readers, I want to say I appreciate you for following me
and for reading my stuff and for your comments.
I want you all to know that I read your stuff daily and also, I apologize for not commenting more.

Wishing every one of you a blessed and joyous Christmas and a wonderful and Happy New Year!

Love, Lolly

Fear

This baby girl I'm raising has no fear. She believes herself to be a warrior. She is afraid of nothing.
"Granny, I'ma climb a tree today", she says to me. And then she tries to do it.

Her brother challenges her to a race. Challenge accepted, and off they go. She shows no fear or hesitation.

She dons goggles and picks up a hammer as if it's perfectly natural for her to be a carpenter...
And it is!

Somewhere along the way I lost my courage. Fear rules me. I live afraid most of the time.
I no longer possess that attitude of "I can do anything" nor do I feel the safety of living in my small town in the USA.

I watch the nightly news (rarely anymore) and I have nightmares about what this world has become.
I keep my doors locked at all times.....Cars doors, outside doors to our house, the basement door.
I feel spooked. And I don't like it.
Last week in church there was a man of Muslim descent who I did not recognize sitting in the back row all by himself....and he made me anxious.
My sister and I went to McDonalds for a Frappe coffee...and in walked two black youths in black hooded sweatshirts...and it made me anxious.
My husband went to the gun range for some target practice and was gone for 6 hours.
And again I was anxious.
Had someone perhaps come upon him at the range and stolen his weapons??
Was he injured or worse??

Listen to me when I tell you that he is a jerk.
He spent 6 fucking hours at that damn gun range and never bothered to call home.
Not once.
What kind of a person doesn't check in, in this day and age??

I want to be big and brave and fearless, just like my 2 year old grand daughter.
But I don't know how to do it anymore.

I'm tired of the anxiousness.
I'm tired of the fear.
I want to live large and unafraid.
I want to give to the hungry my last dime.
I want to give the naked beggar the shirt off of my own back.
I want to listen to the story of the lonely widower.
I want to sit in church and not be afraid of the man with the beard in the back row.
I want to be brave and fearless like my 2 year old grand daughter.
Jesus?
Can you hear me?

Guide Me into an Unclenched Moment by Ted Loder from Guerillas of Grace

Gentle me,

Holy One,

into an unclenched moment,

a deep breath,

a letting go

of heavy experiences

of shriveling anxieties

of dead certainties

that, softened by the silence,

surrounded by the light,

and open to the mystery,

I may be found by wholeness,

upheld by the unfathomable,

entranced by the simple,

and filled with the joy

that is you.



Eyes to the sky by Joseph