Thursday, September 8, 2016

Swearing at GOD

Here's the latest installment on what's becoming my Blog of lamentations.

Tuesday at the OB's office, my pregnant daughter had high blood pressure.
They had her get some blood drawn. The results showed possible Preeclampsia.
They put her in the hospital to observe her for 24 hours then sent her home with an induction date two weeks from now. That will put her at 37 weeks pregnant. I'm ok with that.
I wasn't ok with Tuesday night and worrying about her and her unborn daughter.

In this family every generation has lost a child.
My grandmother lost a daughter who was 19 years old.
My Aunt lost a 3 day old newborn daughter.
My mother lost my sister when my sister was 47 years old.
I lost my own daughter at birth...stillborn.

When my daughter called and said that she had possible Preeclampsia and was going to the hospital I sort of panicked. I felt sick, nervous, worried.
I tried to pray but felt nothing but dread. Would one or both of them possibly die?
I wrung my hands. I paced the kitchen. I stared out the window.
I made Tacos with all of my excess energy and just kept dicing up veggies.
Please God..don't do this, I thought. Don't do this again. Not again.
I threw my knife into the sink and turned my eyes toward the kitchen ceiling,
Staring through it as if I could see right into Heaven and see God himself.
And I yelled out loud "You're NOT gonna do this to me again! You better fucking fix this!"

My three year old granddaughter has been constipated for 5 days.
C.O.N.S.T.I.P.A.T.E.D. !
The poor little deary....Granny has given her prune juice mixed with apple juice for 3 days.
Today when we had no movement yet I switched to straight up prune juice.
Then I went to the drug store and bought children's glycerin suppositories.
What happened when we got home was not a pretty sight.
I'm not sure who yelled louder... her or me.  No! Stop! NO!! Don't!! Stop it! NOOO!!
15 minutes later the only thing she had pooped out was the suppository. Great. Now what?
I decided to leave her be, I don't ordinarily worry so much about her BM's but she was straining and folded in half and severely uncomfortable with a tummy ache, she was clearly miserable, so I gave her a warm bath then offered her more juice and cartoons.
Four hours later the poor poor thing went potty and screamed and whimpered while she did it.

You'd think we would both be happy right now but, eh, not so much.

This morning our girl Chihuahua threw up on our bed. On our comforter.  Twice.
The third time she started retching I put her on the floor where she promptly threw up pink foam.
What the hell is this?
I Googled pink foam vomit dogs and found an explanation that I can live with.
Apparently when dogs throw up they can irritate the lining of their esophagus and that can cause blood tinged foamy vomit. As long as she had no other symptoms I figured she was ok.
She wanted breakfast and ate it all too. Other than being sleepy she does seem to be fine.
I prayed (without swearing) "Please don't let her be sick God."

Also this morning our other Chihuahua woke up and came into the living room with swelling near his eye socket.
His tooth is infected again! Yes...Again! He needs dental work to the tune of $600.
I thought I could maybe avoid having to pay for oral surgery for my 14 year old dog by giving him the Vet prescribed antibiotic.
So now I will be scheduling that procedure...I'm worried that he will die during surgery because of his advanced age.
Please God, don't let him die.

I wonder if God listens to me all day long.
Does He listen while I beg him to not take another child from this family?
Does He listen as I swear at Him through the ceiling?
Doe He listen as I yell at an unwell toddler to PLEASE POOP!
Does He listen as I pray to Him to not let my dogs die?
Is He irritated that I swear at Him one minute then pray for favors the next??

It's been a long week so far and it's only Thursday.
I apologize for always complaining on this blog.
Apparently it is where I do my best processing.
I'll keep updating as life progresses around here.
As always, Thanks for reading.
Love, Lolly


  1. Here's to a much better day today Lolly girl. It must go up from here.

    Prayers for your daughter being lifted.

  2. Oh, Lolly! Of course you are worried the most a person can worry over your daughter. I am pretty sure God understands. If *I* understand and I have never even met your personally I think God who loves you more than anyone understands.

    My daughter used to get constipated and it was so sad and awful. Those suppositories never worked, they only made her scream. I did find that having a stool (no pun intended) under her feet when she was on the toilet helped a lot. But in the end (Gah! Again, no pun intended!) she just had to push and get it out.

  3. I totally agree with Birdie's first paragraph. xxoo

    And yes to the foot stool---get her bent knees up as high as possible when she's on the pot.

    Hugs and prayers.