Thursday, December 22, 2016

The ebb and flow

I clean the house and feel excitement flow through me....Christmas is coming.
Jesus' birthday, presents for the kids, time spent with family.

I wake at 2am with a stomach ache and the gladness ebbs out.
I can't sleep so I will sit here in the dark and worry about a gut ache.

I wrap presents for the grandkids and the Christmas excitement returns;
Only to ebb back out again as my back cramps and my knees ache from kneeling on the floor, in the middle of a large pile of presents and gift wrap, for far too long.

In April I inherited my sisters Amish style cupboard. I don't know anything about the cupboards history but it smells old inside, like an antique store. The hinges creak and the wood shows some wear but I love it. It reminds me of my sister and I'm glad to have it.
It has sat in the garage since last year because we had no room for it, well, not really no room, just that we needed to rearrange and get rid of some other furniture first.
We got 9 inches of snow this past weekend and 8 inches of snow the weekend before that.
I tell you that because this cupboard was stored in front of our snowblower in the garage and we couldn't get the blower out without moving the cabinet first, so that is why the cabinet is now in the house.
It's been standing in the middle of the living room for a week now.
Blocking the flow of traffic and partially blocking  the view of our Christmas tree.

At 7:30 Sunday night, after cleaning the house and doing laundry all day and then wrapping presents for 5 hours I was ready for bed.
That's when he decided he wanted the cabinet moved into the kitchen.
We moved it and now the cabinet is in the kitchen and it doesn't look all that great. It's wider than I thought. Bigger too.
And the stain on the cupboard is darker than the stain on the kitchen cabinets.
Crap crap.
Maybe I just need to get used to it being there, to seeing it there.
Maybe it'll grow on me.
Maybe I can fill it up with all the junk and clutter from around this house and never have to open the doors of this cupboard again.

Up, down, back, forth, in, out, high, low, ebb and flow.
It surprises me how quickly I can go from one to the other.

Most of my issues are first world problems, I know.
Should I use the red paper with holly or the blue paper with snowflakes?
Kneeling in the middle of a large pile of gifts purchased for our grandchildren.
Sometimes a stomach ache is from the fact that I ate too much at dinner.
I own too much clutter and need to get rid of it instead of hiding it in my sisters cupboard.

I didn't start out writing this post as a lament. But that is what it has turned into.
Somewhere on the internet I read that people who feel too much are called Empaths.
The news is frightening and I cannot watch it. And yet I have.
People are starving and dying and fleeing through the dark and the rubble.
While I complain that my knees ache from kneeling on the floor.

In the town next to ours, a car was stolen from a grocery store parking lot.
Left inside that car was the family's tiny little Chihuahua.
It was all over the news.
The weather was slated to turn sharply colder with temps well below zero at night.
Two days passed. No sightings, no updates, no car, no dog.
The family just wanted their dog back- no questions asked.
It disturbed me greatly. I knew what could happen to a Chihuahua abandoned and out in the cold.
Please God, I prayed. Please bring this dog home. Please! Please let him be found alive.

A man out for a walk with his own dog found the Chihuahua shivering and alone on a bike path on the third day. The car thieves had indeed left him off somewhere, to battle the elements on his own.
He was alive! He was unharmed. He was returned to his owners.
I thanked God and cried tears of joy.
I think we all could use a bit of a Christmas miracle sometimes.

This little miracle didn't alter the course of the world.
Or maybe it did.
All I know is that it lifted my spirits and gave me a sense of all was right in the world again,
if only for that one small moment in time.

(This post is rambling and I apologize for that.)

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas and a very Happy new Year!

Thanks for reading!
Love, Lolly

1 comment:

  1. I have given much thought to similar things. Why when I am almost 60, do I ebb and flow so much in my own thoughts and life? And I can't tell you how many times I have wept and trembled over some suffering animal, and then rejoiced when the ending was a happy one as if it were my own child. I have never considered whether or not I am an empath, but I wonder now. Also, in another comment I left I was dictating, and it didn't come out quite right. Hopefully you can decipher it. Praying for you this minute. xxoo