There are times when there is no one to call.
Times when crying is the only thing that helps, if only for a brief moment.
Times when I am so lonely I don't have any other choice but to cry in the privacy of my own house in the privacy of my own pain.
It has been 3 years which means everything and nothing at the same time.
Three years... Aren't you over it yet??
Three years... My God it seems like just yesterday...
In my dreams you talk to me, you love me, hug me, sleep with me.
In the morning I am so disappointed that you are still gone and it was only dream.
I hate sleeping alone.
I hate that you aren't here to kiss me, hug me, to make me feel safe.
I hate that the RV is gone and that Kevin and his wife are loving it like we did.
The grandkids are getting older. And they are losing their memories of you.
I can't stand that. I can't stand the fact that you are disappearing from their lives!
I miss riding the Harley with you.
I miss going to the hardware store with you.
I miss cooking for you.
I miss you in our bed at night.
Some days the pain is still so damn raw.
It has been 3 years which means everything and nothing at the same time.
Grief has altered my life in so many ways.
I just want normal. And I am afraid that this IS my new normal.
Sometimes there aren't enough words to describe this feeling.
I am ruined. I am different. I am forever changed.
There is joy. But the heartache remains.
Love, Lolly
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