Look and see

• The crystal blue/clear color of pool water
• The smell of chlorine and sunblock on skin
• Green iridescent Hummingbirds feeding on my red Bee Balm
• White puffy clouds floating overhead as I laze in my sister's pool
• The sound of a lawn mower and the smell of freshly cut grass
• The hilarity and laughter of happy grandchildren
• McDonald's Happy Meals for lunch with extra fries and apple slices
• A bright yellow Finch with a coal black stripe on it's tail feathers
• Rain pouring so hard it obscures the houses across the street
• White Chocolate Ice cream with a Raspberry Swirl
• The lime green color of leaves in direct sunshine
• The sticky burning hot acrid smell of fresh tar being put down
• Puddles on the porch and the scent of rain still in the air at dawn
• Romaine lettuce, Parmesan cheese and croutons for Caesar Salad
• Beach towels dried with wool balls scented with lavender & lemon e.o.
• Cool and creamy Caramel Macchiato coffee creamer in my refrigerator
• Homemade Bread & Butter pickles brining in a quart size Mason jar
• Black storm clouds moving in with flashing lightning and thunder
• Answered prayer and favors granted...even tho Jesus is still as silent as stone.

Love, Lolly

 

Got no complaint

None of my jeans fit. Not one pair.
I ordered the next size up last week.
When they got here I raced to try them on.
I waffled between elation THEY FIT! and despair THEY FIT!

Guess I shouldn't have eaten that whole package of cinnamon rolls myself.
(They were so damn good)
And also that bakery box full of mini-brownie bites that I bought for the grandkids
 and then never delivered to them. (They had chocolate chips in them!)
And 4 vanilla Oreo cookies every night after dinner dipped in a cold glass of milk.
And an occasional piece of Ghiardelli Chocolate Square with caramel inside.

I am aware that a certain percentage of the population is hungry.
I'm not hungry, I'm just bored. And lazy. And gettin' kinda chubby.
I haven't been inside a grocery store since March 20th. I grocery shop on-line now. Do you?
I really like it although the produce I get is just a smidgeon subpar sometimes.
I grew tomato plants from actual seeds and transplanted them outside in my garden.
It has rained 8 inches since then...........so, uh, yeah, no more tomato plants.
But my flower garden looks like a big green jungle. The blooms are huge and lush.

I haven't gotten a pedicure since last year...oh boo-hoo.  Poor me, right?
I gave one to myself today. And now I know why I pay someone else do my pedicures.
What a disaster!

I haven't gotten my hair cut since February. But I will NOT attempt to do that by myself.
I did buy a tiny little hair piece on line called a Messy Bun. I adore it!
My page boy hair style has grown out so I put my hair into an unfortunate tiny pony tail every day.
After I attach my little Messy Bun, my hair looks like I have it up in a bun. I love this thing!

I am a privileged white woman who can order anything I want on line,
from groceries to jeans in a bigger size, to Pulse Ox Meters (just in case) and have it delivered to my home in under 7 days using Amazon Prime and Instacart.
I don't say that with any sort of pride though. I want you all to know that I am aware of how privileged my life is.

I'm not complaining. I ain't. But I am awful lonely.
How are you all handling the loneliness of this pandemic?

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

My life in Quarantine

It's rainy and cool outside today.
The spring grass is stunning to look at...so vibrant and fresh and green!
The perennials are starting to grow back in the garden.
I've got Coneflower, Bee Balm, Phlox, Tiger Lilies, Hostas and Lily of the Valley.
Black-Eyed Susan's, Cranebill's, Periwinkle, a Japanese Fern and Salvias.
The Forget-Me-Not's that I replant every. single, year. never do grow back.
There are purple violets all over the yard and Dandelions too.
The neighbors have a lovely yellow Forsythia bush that creeps through the back fence we share.
Birds are making nests and singing!!! Oh my, the singing that I hear!
I filled the bird feeders with the last of the birdseed and then watched as the
Squirrels and Chipmunks emptied them. Their antics made me laugh.
But now I'm out of birdseed and I ain't going to the store for more.

We are fine, all of us. We are fine and healthy and separated.
Quarantined away from each other, if you will.

We get our groceries delivered or we order them and then pick them up curbside.
They sit in the mudroom until we wipe them all down with a bleach solution
and then we put them away.
Him and I have painted the bathroom and the living room.
The mud room is next followed by the TV room.
I've cleaned out the closets and the drawers and the cabinets.
Yesterday I gave the dog a bath.
Want to know what I haven't done?
Read. Books. I can't read anymore.
I've not been able to concentrate on or read a book since January.
Books used to be my oxygen. Now oxygen is my oxygen.
I practice deep breathing exercises daily.
Teaching myself to do a little bit of Yoga every day.
Meditation is more my forte.
But that doesn't get the blood moving and my body is starting to stiffen and hurt.*
Ten push-ups a day, a couple of Warrior poses, and I can plank for 3 whole seconds...😁

I need to reduce my calories. I'm not talking about dieting but I guess I should.
I mean, can I ask you about eating cookies? Like how many cookies is too many?
Whatever number you say I've eaten that many and more.
On my latest grocery order I requested a Key Lime Pie.
He hates Key Lime Pie! What am I gonna do with a whole Key Lime Pie?
Eat it, that's what.
Guess I DO need to talk to myself about dieting. Sheesh.

I miss seeing and hugging my grandkids. It's an actual physical ache not being able to hug them.
I miss going to the library for books.
I miss picking out my own fruits and vegetables from the grocery store.
I miss school drop off and pick up.
I miss that feeling of accomplishment; of getting my do-to list done.
*I miss my Chiropractor!!
(I called him Magic Mike cuz he kept my body feeling like a million bucks).

What is getting you through all this? What is saving your life right now?

My answer is coffee, Instagram, him and I having each other to talk to,
being able to sleep next to each other and being with our dog Kena.

Miss you ladies,
Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

The virus

Here's a quick update:

My oldest daughter most likely has Covid-19. She works at a geriatric Rehab Center.
My husband who is an essential worker is being tested for it today.
No symptoms but he did have an exposure at work.
I feel fine.....so far.  Been quarantined in my home for 5 weeks.
Grand kids are living with their parents through this. I miss them something fierce.
I am praying a lot. I am not panic stricken. But I am concerned.
I'll update you all when I can.
Love you all,
Lolly


4/24 Update-
My daughter tested positive for Influenza, not Covid-19.
She even got her flu shot back in October!
My husband tested  negative for Covid-19 too.
Is it inappropriate to holler out WOO HOO?!
I think not.

Sheltering in place

It's the waiting that is the hardest I think.
It gives my mind too much time to dwell on things.
Like right now I am waiting for this black plague to roll in to our town.
Waiting for it to snuff out the light and the life that surrounds me.
Should I believe what they are saying on TV?
Do I believe the reports from the CDC? Or HHS?
Is it black? Is it white?
Are we doomed? With no chance of being saved?
Our grocery store shelves have been emptied. Refilled then emptied again.
But I will admit...I am too afraid to go to the store anymore anyway.
I walk the dog around the block twice a day.
Other than that I stay inside my house.
I am too anxious to read. Too filled with worry to deep clean my house.
I find myself wanting to nap, a lot.
I ask myself if this is what I want to be doing with my time.
If this is the last two weeks I have on this Earth, do I want to spend them napping? And my answer is "I've got nothing better to do".
I lie on the floor in Yoga Corpse pose and stretch my cramped muscles.
I listen to ocean waves through Youtube on my laptop.
I drink coffee all morning and tea all afternoon. My appetite is waning.
Laundry gets done and dinner gets cooked and then after dinner the dishes get done too.
I sleep ok for the most part. Some nights are better than others.
I miss my grandkids something fierce. It's like a physical ache.
They are done with school for the year and have been at home with their parents.
I miss my boy who is way up there in snowy Minnesota.
He doesn't feel well and I am afraid for him not having his mama.
He's coughing and achy and a bit nervous himself.
Today my 11 year old grandson woke up with a fever.

I want to wake up from this nightmare. I want life to be normal again. I want to not be afraid.
I want to cry and laugh and listen to the birds in the trees. I want to go to the library and browse.
I want people to stop with the toilet paper. I want to put more creamer in my coffee than I should.
I wanted to buy a pot of Daffodils the last time I was at the store but I didn't.
Now I wish I had.

Him and I, we have each other. We have our little dog. We have supplies. We are not sick.
We have Facetime so we can see and talk to the grandkids and our far away grown up boy.
Jesus is real quiet. I like to imagine that He is helping out other parts of the world at the moment.
I keep praying though. I keep praying for all of us. Stay well and safe my friends.
Thanks for Reading,
Love, Lolly

Holy ashes

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

God's love resides in all of us

Love. Each. Other.

We anointed each other with homemade ashes last night.
Took me about an hour that morning to get one palm frond cooked down to ash.
I had to Google it to find out how to make it burn because they don't.
Burn that is.
I must have lit that thing about 20 times and it barely did a thing,
only slightly curling the edge with a slim ribbon of ash the width of a pen stroke.
When he came home for lunch I asked him how to make this palm frond smolder.
That's what Google said, the palm needed to smolder to make the finest ash.
He broke it into pieces placed it in a glass bowl and lit it, blew on it a few times
and sure enough it started to smolder.
Leave it to a fireman to know how to burn something to ash, eh?
I sifted the remains through a fine sieve and voila... ashes like silk.

I swiped his forehead with a perfect little cross and was proud of how it looked.
He on the other hand gave me a cross as wide and as long as his thumb.
I brought a little pot of ashes over to my sister's house so she could anoint her family too.

We used to go to church for every religious holiday.
We used to go to church every Sunday.
We used to go but haven't been in a while.
At first we just took the Summer off.
That led into Fall and we did go a few times.
Christmas Eve services were bittersweet as that was the last time we would have worship at our 150 year old historic church.
Winter came with blowing winds and biting temperatures and we just never went back.

There is restlessness in me. I don't know what it is.
But church isn't the answer and I feel that in my bones.
Please don't misunderstand...I love Jesus. I believe in Jesus.
I've seen and felt Jesus.
But He doesn't seem to show up at our church. I don't "feel" Him there, ever.
There isn't anything wrong with our church, per se, it's just that He's not there.

*I see holiness coming from the color of the winter sky in the morning.
*The smell of smoldering palm fronds made my kitchen smell like church.
*I feel the safety of His presence snuggled in bed with my fireman and our little dog on a cold winters night.
*I hear birdsong out my window or grandchildren uproariously laughing and it gladdens my heart.
*We have full cupboards and running water and we've never known true hunger and I'm so very grateful.

I fully expect to go to heaven someday and I'm not at all worried or concerned that Jesus will tell me that I can't come in because I didn't go to church.
I know there are people who would huff and puff at our "blasphemous" act of anointing each others foreheads with gasp!  homemade ashes.
As if only a holy and ordained man of the cloth should be able to perform such holy and ordained rituals. Like they are the only ones who know what it means to minister to each other.
It meant something to him and I and, for me, that  is what truly matters.

I believe that's what makes it holy and that is what matters to Jesus.

Thanks for reading friends,
Love, Lolly

January 31

The steady falling snow muffles the noises of the outside world.
There is something about a world of hushed quiet white that speaks to my heart.
This morning it is cozy and overly warm in this house...
I wear a T-shirt, jeans and am barefoot even though it is the end of January.
My husband and I continue with our thermostat war.
He tells me that our heating bill is 30% higher then our neighbors.
Don't look at me, I tell him
Many a morning it is that I have found that thermostat cranked up to 74.
Seventy four!!!
I've asked him was he trying to cook me to death?
As soon as he leaves I crank that sucker back down to 66.
It takes me most of the day to quit perspiring.
Seems like the moment I cool off I can hear his truck rumbling back into the driveway.
dang

I've been watching this impeachment trial on TV.
It alternates between mind numbingly boring to nerve wracking.
I don't have high hopes for the outcome anymore.
The senate appears to be overrun with old poopy white people (mostly men)
Who, IMOP,  have lost touch with the regular people of this country.

I've a full day ahead of house cleaning, laundry and babysitting.
The grandkids are staying over for dinner and being picked up at 9:00 pm
We babysit the other two grandkids tomorrow night.
The weather is supposed to be sunny and 50 degrees on Sunday...woot!
We haven't seen the sun in over a week.
This old gal could use some extra Vitamin D!!

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly