Monday, January 16, 2012

My defining moment

Tomorrow is my 1 year anniversary in Alanon and the time has flown by for me. My home group has asked me to be the lead for Tuesday night. Initially, I said no, that it should be whoever had signed up for that week.  But after I thought about it for a bit, I decided that maybe I could say a few words about what got  me here in the first place. However, the more I thought about it the more nervous I got. I kept feeling like I was putting pressure on myself to say the exact right thing. I don't have a problem sharing or talking when it is my turn on any other Tuesday night, so what is it that is preventing me from coming up with a good lead that would be inspiring to the others in my home group? I know what brought me to these doors, and I know what is going to keep me coming back here week after week. How to simplify the story though?? I knew that I wanted peace in my life, but what I needed was peace in my soul. My HP was working on the soul part for me, and it was up to me to me to figure out the peaceful life part. Nothing I had done in the past 26 years had given me any peace whatsoever. So how to find it now? And where? Thankfully I found an Interventionist that was as concerned about me as he was about the alcoholic. His wise words saved me from myself and I shall be forever grateful to him for giving a damn about me, when I didn't give a damn about myself. With his support and direction, I found myself at the doors of Alanon and once there, I have never looked back. The blessings and life lessons started pouring in almost immediately. To say that I was on a pink cloud was/is an understatement, only I am still on that pink cloud! Life is still wonderful, I am still learning what I need to know, and I am still being  moved to tears by what I hear and witness and share in these rooms of Alanon. What I learned was this:
1. I can't  2. HE can  3. Let HIM  and Let go or be dragged.
When I learned to let go it literally changed my life. I came to Alanon frightened. I came here sad and crying; sick in my soul, angry, afraid, hateful. And at the end of my rope.....without any hope at all. It is amazing to me what 1 year in the Alanon program has done for me. Saved me is what it did. Now is that a lesson or a blessing?!

1 comment:

  1. I really dislike being the chair person....I'm trying to stop using the word "hate." lol I am not a good public speaker...but every now and then I remember what it was like when I was new and someone was brave enough to share their experience, strength and hope and how much it helped me. That helps me to step around the obstacle of my own discomfort and to share anyway. So many come into the rooms of Alanon in the same shape you did and find a new life there. I did. Happy birthday!