Still Golden

I've been re-thinking about my answer to yesterdays post.
After hitting publish, I went back and reread it. It seemed vague.
It didn't "feel" truthful, ya know?
My only missed opportunity was not worshipping Jesus with my kids as they grew up?
That's it?! That's my one regret? That was my golden opportunity?
I don't think so.
So I ruminated on it all night and came up with this post.

Let me give you a preface first.

When I read that original question, What golden opportunities have you lost?
it got me thinking of all the bad things, the wrong choices I had made in my life.
It started a running tape in my head of   "If Only's".
For me, that's a bad place to be. I don't like to live in a place of   "If Only".
It keeps me down, it keeps me regretful, keeps me miserable, keeps me on that razors edge of panic.
I can easily break into a cold sweat of panic when I think about "If Only" one too many times.

*If only I had called the Veterinarians office sooner, the dog wouldn't be dying in my lap at 3:00am.
*If only I had checked to see if that candle was still lit as we left the house.
*If only I had called my mom yesterday to ask her how she was feeling.
*If only I had made sure the pool deck gate was closed and locked before I left.

None of those bad things have ever even happened but the If Only's can keep me awake at night.

So that "What golden opportunities have you lost?"  question feels like a negative question to me.
It's asking me to go back and remember when I missed a chance to be good or do better.
It's asking me to relive a chapter of my life that was perhaps not the best chapter for me, and asks me to think  "Gee, what could I have done better here?"
It's asking me to remember a loss that perhaps I could have prevented If Only I had seen the golden part of that opportunity. If only I hadn't been clueless as to what I was passing up.

In Al Anon they teach you this- You did the best you could with what you had at the time.
And it took me going to Al Anon to learn that.
So maybe that is the golden opportunity I missed...not finding Al Anon sooner.
But Al Anon also teaches you everything happens when it is supposed to happen.
What's that saying???




So maybe, yes, I do have one real golden opportunity that I might have missed.
I have wished that I had found Al Anon 28 years ago. I believe we both would have been better off.
Holy Cow! Can you imagine what him and I would be like today if we had gotten our shit together....uh oh....and "If Only" rears its ugly head again.
See what I mean?
There seems to be shame attached to that.
And I am sick of carrying any kind of shame around with me anymore.
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
We find ourselves when we are supposed to.
And Jesus shows up when He is supposed to.
Eventually we come to realize that everything is golden.
Everything that happens to us will teach us a lesson or show us a blessing.



Thanks for reading,

Love, Lolly