Monday, April 15, 2013

Pity Party In the Garden

Sarah wrote a post about friendship today.

Part of her post talked about who you'd want to be with you in the Garden of Gethsemane.

If you, like Jesus, were in that garden and knew what lay ahead for you,
who would you want next to you?

Who would you want to share that unimaginable moment with?
Who would you need to share it with?

She talked about having inner circles of friendships.

I know church people.
People I only encounter at worship services.
I wouldn't consider any of them friends tho, with the exception of one woman.

Is that bad?! That I don't have friends at church?

I have a few acquaintances that I consider friendlike.
Michelle and I used to be best friends in high school. I miss her like crazy. We are Facebook friends now, and not much else. It feels awkward to talk to her. She left the relationship first. I have no idea why, other than she got married first and had a baby first and our lives were never the same after that. And yet...
If she gave me half a chance, I would smother her with this need I have to be her friend once again.

Is that bad?! That I want to smother her with my friendship?

Michelle's sister and I became friendly after Michelle went off into her married mommy life.
Her sister and I were very much like best friends for 20 years before we stopped talking.
That relationship ended because I could no longer stand to listen to her brag about her children.
I just stopped calling.
She was so into her kids, that I truly don't believe she noticed I had stopped calling.
She was hysterically funny, with a wicked sense of humor (most of it aimed at her husband).
She saved me from Post Partum depression back in the day and I am forever grateful to her for that.
I do miss her friendship, terribly, but I don't miss those brag sessions.
Never could figure out how to tell her to shut up a sec and listen to me about my own fabulous kids.

Is that bad?! That I couldn't figure out how to tell her to shut up about her kids for a sec?
Cuz if I call her and try to tell her, she's gonna start bragging about her kids again. (I know. I've tried.)

Is it bad that Dawn moved to Nashville for a job, met a new man and we just lost touch?
Is it bad that Angie moved to Texas and then to Colorado without giving me her forwarding address?
Is it bad that Pepper moved away when we were 6 years old and I still wonder whatever happened to her?
That Pam died of an asthma attack in the middle of "Bumfuck" North Dakota too far away from a hospital to be saved?
That Evelyn married Mark and they both just disappeared? Off the face of the Earth?
That Debbie got married and divorced, married and divorced and married again and only lives 20 minutes away from me and I did not know it??

I am starting to see a pattern here.

Who's gonna sit with me in this garden??

My best friend and Sister-in-law CC will sit with me.
This I know to be true.
This. I. Know.
We've known each other for 31 years.
Ups, downs and all arounds.
I no longer do life without her.

My sisters too, of course.
Since one of us is already gone, we remaining 3 seem to have tied our ships together.
Where one ventures, we all venture.
And I would have it no other way.

My kids will sit with me cuz, well, they're my kids.
I hope that I would keep my big fat mouth shut and just soak in the amazing beauty of each one of them.
Usually I issue commands and instructions...blah, blah, blah.
I would hope that they would want to sit with me cuz they like me as a person.
I ain't holding my breath on that one.

My husband would probably want to sit with me.
I love that man down to my very bones.
I love his face, and his eyes.
I love the look of his hands and the shape of his legs.
He's so smart that it's scary.
And the way he smells???
Heaven. Pure heaven.
Just like heaven smells I imagine.
That man of mine smells so good it is sinful.
Did I mention that he smells good?
He just thinks about himself too much.
His own needs, his own comforts, his own wants.
It would be hard on me, him sitting next to me, thinking about hisself,
whilst I'm in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Lastly, I would want Jesus there with me.
Jesus would BE there with me whether I wanted Him to be or not.
Jesus is always there, with me and for me.
In the Garden of Gethsemane or my garden in the back yard.

He's there when I'm feeling lonely or mistreated.
When friends move away or when friends stop calling, Jesus is there.
He was there when Pam died, when Debbie got her divorces, when Angie moved across the country.
He's with Dawn and Pepper and Evelyn and Mark wherever they are.
He's there when Michelle messages me on Facebook.
And when I forget for a moment about her history of bragging
and I call Michelle's sister to talk about something,
He is there while I sit and listen to her brag about her kids.

Thank you Jesus.
For old friends and new friends.
For church friends and sister-friends.
For family friends and husbands who want to be friends.
Thank you for them all.

I'll meet You in the garden of your choosing.

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