Friday, April 29, 2016

Duck season

There are times when I have absolutely nothing to say.
Nothing to write about. Nothing I want to share.
I sit in front of my laptop and I hear a humming....a buzzing.
I'm not entirely sure that humming and buzzing isn't coming from inside my head.
The cursor blinks at me. I blink back.

Friends invited us out last night for a free prime rib dinner.
Told us it was a 30th anniversary/raffle type of affair for some company they are familiar with.
It ended up being a banquet room full of duck hunters.
Their were a few wives present but mostly it was paunchy middle-aged and older gentlemen.
Some sporting baseball hats, others dressed in camouflage with beards, loud talkers all of them.
The kind of affair where the booze flows and the stories get told and retold and the laughter feels forced as do the smiles pasted on the faces of the listeners.

The night starts with everyone walking past tables full of items
(in this case duck hunting items)
to be raffled off or purchased at the auction being held after dinner.
I was done perusing those tables in about 60 seconds flat.
Duck decoys, hip wader bags, beer steins, a thermos that resembled a shot gun shell, camo lawn chairs, artwork depicting Labrador's holding retrieved ducks in their jaws.
My husband lingered over the merchandise longer than I did.
He likes to think of himself as a hunter, though truth be told he's never shot anything yet and when the day comes that he does, I hope he cries and cries and cries and never kills another living creature again.
We are on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to guns and hunting.
I realize that the Prime Rib I ate came from an animal.
I realize that an animal had to die so I could be fed at this banquet.
I just don't want to be the one that shoots it.
And I don't want him to shoot it either.
Would it matter if he was out hunting cows? I don't know.
But he doesn't hunt to put meat on our table, and that makes all the difference to me.
I'm not going to debate the topic with you, this is my personal opinion, that's all.
Moving on...

The four of us sit at a table with 2 other people whom we do not know.
Turns out he is one of the auctioneers and she is his girlfriend.
They appear to be well into their forty's.
Why is that detail important?? I don't know.
He leaves her alone most of the evening and so we (and by we I mean the people I am with) are left with the unenviable task of small talk.
Which puts me in a cold sweat. Small talk?! Fucking small talk...are you kidding me??
I'm way out of my comfort zone and I know it.

She's "so excited, and can't wait for this shindig to start," she tells us. "Woot!"


"Woo-hoo!" she says aloud. "I can't wait for duck hunting season."

As ya'll know, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to talk to strangers.
I either stutter or stammer or blurt out huge family secrets.
I end up embarrassing myself 10 times out of 10.
My best defense is to keep my head down and my eyes averted.
Which I'm sure doesn't come across as rude at all.....

She ends up winning 3 separate raffle prizes during the course of the evening.
Each time her winning numbers are called she raises her arms over her head and hollers  "Woot!! That's me!!"
She giggles and laughs her way through the evening sitting with four complete strangers. How do people do this I wonder??

She must be an extrovert I think to myself. She has no problem talking to us or talking period for that matter.
She carries the conversation by herself for most of the evening.
I can't decide if I'm jealous or repulsed.
She laughs at her own jokes and shows no remorse or embarrassment when we four don't respond.
She's sucking down her Vodka Tonics as she snaps her gum.
Her jeans are too tight and her bosom is straining her too tight shirt.
But she's having the time of her life at this thing. Extroverted or just plain happy?

Her boyfriend comes back to the table during dessert and the two of them giggle and flirt over the vanilla ice cream topped with raspberry sauce.
If they're like this during duck season, what happens during rabbit season?? lol

But they do make me think....
.....when was the last time my husband and I giggled and flirted over dessert??


  1. I have no problem with other people hunting but it isn't something I could do. I actually believe more in hunting than buying from a grocery store but I know I would never be able to shoot anything.

    Oh, dear friend. I am with you there at that dinner. It seems most of the world took a class that I evidentally missed on social situations. The problem is I want to talk to you and have a deep meaningful conversation. I want to know what you love and what you hate, what scares you and what brings you so much joy that you want to burst. I want to know about your family and your interests and what you want to do after the party. I want to know "you". I don't want to hear silly jokes and small talk. I don't want to get drunk or flirt with anyone but my husband and that will be done when we are at home.
    Don't wish to change who you are. I believe there will be a great change someday where personalities like yours will be honored and valued. xo

  2. Oh Birdie and Lolly....we three are all such kindred sisters! Lolly you crack me up! That evening sounds absolutely awful to me! And that woman is probably bi-polar! LOL

  3. Hahahahaha, You ladies crack me up. I am a total introvert that gets anxious before the event but, for some reason, I can usually pull it off at the table. I can seem like an extrovert for awhile. But the exhaustion I feel afterwards is like after running a race. Alone, alone, ALONE!

    Duck hunting, Rabbit's all the same to me. No thanks!