A Fall update

Hello!
I am alive and well in case you were wondering.
I've been trying to post for weeks now, but I keep getting interrupted by my life.
My very busy, it's wonderful to be alive, life.

Two grandkids spent the night this past weekend; we took them to Mcdonald's, their favorite place (blech) and played games and watched movies and fed them doughnuts for breakfast.
There have been pumpkin farms to visit, and colored leaves to gather, and mittens to search for.
One granddaughter had a ballet recital, one granddaughter sang in church on a Sunday.
One grandson plays soccer and has had a game every Saturday for eight weeks in a row.
I got sick for a week, felt short of breath and had a pulmonary function test done. No results yet.
I cleaned out the pantry and the cupboards and got rid off all of the expired cans and boxes.
What a wasteful creature I am. There was way too much that I had to throw out.
We bought an Instant Pot and made Pork Carnitas in 2 and 1/2 hours instead of the usual 10 hours.
The recipe is online at SkinnyTaste.Com...it's a good one.
I decorated the house for Halloween.
I cut down my gardens and bagged up all the clippings for the waste hauler.
Cleaned out the freezer and rearranged it so things were easier to locate.
Got my hair cut.
Took the grandkids to the library to decorate rocks on craft day.
Bought myself a new winter coat that is light weight...YAY!  Also bought a pair of jeans that don't pinch or bind or aggravate me in any way...Double YAY!!
We took our boat out one last time to see the fall colors on Lake Geneva. The colors of the trees weren't really at their peak yet and the water was as  black as crude oil. Froze our asses off too. It only made it up to 48 degrees that day.
Boating season is officially over for the year.
I'm feeling good, my anxiety is finally under control, life feels and seems and IS going smoothly.
I am happy and not stressed.  I am busy everyday which is a good thing. I miss reading your blogs.
I miss writing on my own blog. Hopefully late this Fall and during the Winter I will find more time to be attentive here.
I find myself much more reflective and thoughtful during the cold winter months anyway.
It's been lovely chatting with you all.

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

The remains of the day

We're getting our first hard freeze tonight which means my garden will be gone by morning.
I've discovered that the thought of my garden dying makes me feel especially vulnerable.
I am not yet ready to say goodbye to the color that is still blooming in my yard.
I have not yet harvested my Lavender or my Basil, nor my Pineapple Sage or Lemon Thyme.
There is a bush of Chives out front that I wanted to clip down and freeze dry.
And I have a pot of Lemon Balm that needs to be cut and dried too.
Just outside my window I have a large garden full of red flowers-
A small pot of geraniums, Begonias, Impatiens, Celosia, Salvias, Japanese Fire Grass and a potted strawberry plant.
Interspersed throughout these red flowers and plants are bird baths, bee hydration stations,  large stones, a whiskey barrel, a shepherds hook that holds a red lantern,  four baby pine trees and their giant mother and some Creeping Jenny; a lovely bright green ground vine.
This garden delights me in every way and I am sad to see it go.
I'm ready for Autumn and the cooler weather, with its gray days filled with blustery rain.
I'm ready for the humidity to get the F*** out of here, I just wish the flowers could remain.

My sister had to put down her dog this morning. Zoe was a beautiful, loving Golden retriever.
Three months ago she was diagnosed with Lymphoma. She was seven years old.
The vet suggested Chemo, but could only promise that it would extend her life by 8 months.
It felt like the wrong decision to give her Chemo and make her sick and tired but not to cure her, only to extend her life.  My sister wondered at what cost would that be to this dogs life...
To keep her alive pumped full of poison...would she run and chase Squirrels?
Eat and go for walks?
Only to die anyway at the end of eight months?
We all loved that gentle soul, and wished she could have remained here on this Earth, but a better life awaits her over that Rainbow Bridge.

The state of the world tells me things are changing and change makes me feel extra sensitive.
My husband and my son have been ill with upper respiratory infections this past week and  I can feel it starting in my own body. I have a sore throat a headache and my nose is running.
I've got Thieves essential oil in my diffuser and on my feet.
I've been drinking Emergen C and homemade Bone Broth and extra water.

I've also discovered that when there is a change in the atmosphere or season or an upheaval in my life, like a pet dying, or added stress or tiredness from not sleeping, I feel these changes in myself so much more vividly.  Perhaps that is why I am having so much extra anxiety lately.
Oddly enough, my anxiety is under control today. Must have been from all that crying I did this morning over my sister's dog.
Maybe I released the pressure valve.
For the remainder of my day I am hoping to rest and read my book.
Drink some hot tea and lemon.
Let my husband and my son eat whatever they want for dinner, I'm not cooking.
Going to call it a day and go to bed early.

What do you all do for self care when you're sick and a little out of whack?

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

Be still, my soul

I've been filled with anxiety lately...so much so that my Dr. suggested that I try medication for it.
NO! was my most emphatic answer.
I don't want a pill to cover it up. I want to know the reason behind it.
I want to know why  I am having so much anxiety.
She asks me when did I first notice it..."Was it at the start of Menopause?"
Yes! I tell her, "It was!"
But truth be told I've always had a bit of nervousness about me,
but nothing like what I've been dealing with lately.
This thing is a monster.
It whispers things to me, awful diagnosis's, and then makes me feel light headed or overheated.
It tells me there is something wrong with me and then won't let me sleep for the worry of it all.
It makes me believe in the lies it tells me, and then takes away my comprehension to read.
It makes my arms feel heavy and my hands ache, then punches me with a tension headache that makes me clench my jaw.
The other day it jumped on my back and told me I could no longer swallow.
It keeps me short of breath so when I try to inhale deep, it laughs and keeps me from doing so.
It keeps me isolated and afraid to reach out to others.
It stops me from writing or journaling or from learning anything new.
It lets me have my IPhone to take pictures of the Worlds beauty but then tells me not to share it.
It has me check out eight different books from the library on a single day,
only to become so overwhelmed that I take them all back without reading any of them.

I just can't imagine a pill fixing this.
I feel normal most of the day, then wham!
It trips me up and then it's off and running.
Meditation and/or Meditative breathing helps, a lot.
I pray all day long.
Sometimes I just whisper his name YAHWEH and that helps too.
I've stopped all caffeine and am weaning myself off of sugar.
I am using Young Living essential oils Stress Away and I just bought Tranquility.
I bought myself a Himalayan Salt Lamp.
I still take a low dose Klonopin every night even though it tells me not to.

I know this post makes me sound a bit psychotic...a bit deranged, but I'm not.
I don't have a brain tumor or any other horrible disease.
I have an Anxiety Disorder.
And I don't like it.

I'm open for suggestions if anybody's got anything else to offer.


Be still, my soul,
just for a moment,
be still, and know
the warm breeze
of God's Spirit
gently embracing.
Be still, and hear
the quiet words
of God's Spirit
gently uplifting.
Just for a moment,
just for a moment,
be still, my soul.
~John Birch
Prayers of Life


Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

Book Worm

Hey!  Hi !! Remember me?
I'm the lady who used to blog here.
It feels like it's been forever since I posted anything.
But in reality it's been a little under a month...just 20 days, so not that long really.

I've been reading a lot this past month.
So many books in fact that I can't concentrate on any of them.
I am breaking my own cardinal rule...Never start a book without finishing your current one.
Which is probably why I am having trouble concentrating on all of them.
Want to know how many books are in the works right now?
Nine. Nine! What am I doing???
But they are all so good... here's my list

* Finding I Am by Lysa Terkeurst
* Praying Body and Soul by Anthony DeMello
* Wellsprings by Anthony DeMello
* Handwritten Recipes by Michael Popek
* The Dirty Life by Kristin Kimball
* Waking Up To The Dark by Clark Strand
* The Green Witch by Arin Murphy-Hiscock
* The Hawk and the Dove trilogy set by Penelope Wilcock (Thank you Julie)
* Yoga for Pain Relief by Kelly McGonigal Ph.D


This is a picture of my library receipt from this past Saturday.



Who the hell reads this much??
Uh...Me, that's who.
I do.
I read this much.
Feels a little bit shameful.
Just a little bit, not enough for me to stop reading books for heavens sake.
I mean I'm not insane.
But if I couldn't read, or something prevented me from reading, I'd go crazy.
So why am I sabotaging myself by reading so many at once?
There's no hurry, it's not like the library is going anywhere.
Why am I taking the enjoyment out of my favorite thing to do in the whole world?
Maybe I need to check out a book on excessive reading...hmmm
You know, there's a word for that...for people who read too much.
It's called-

 Bibliobibuli

Do any of you read too much or read to excess?
Does anybody wonder what any of these books are about?
Or why I am reading them?
Do any of these books sound good to you?

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly