Be still, my soul

I've been filled with anxiety lately...so much so that my Dr. suggested that I try medication for it.
NO! was my most emphatic answer.
I don't want a pill to cover it up. I want to know the reason behind it.
I want to know why  I am having so much anxiety.
She asks me when did I first notice it..."Was it at the start of Menopause?"
Yes! I tell her, "It was!"
But truth be told I've always had a bit of nervousness about me,
but nothing like what I've been dealing with lately.
This thing is a monster.
It whispers things to me, awful diagnosis's, and then makes me feel light headed or overheated.
It tells me there is something wrong with me and then won't let me sleep for the worry of it all.
It makes me believe in the lies it tells me, and then takes away my comprehension to read.
It makes my arms feel heavy and my hands ache, then punches me with a tension headache that makes me clench my jaw.
The other day it jumped on my back and told me I could no longer swallow.
It keeps me short of breath so when I try to inhale deep, it laughs and keeps me from doing so.
It keeps me isolated and afraid to reach out to others.
It stops me from writing or journaling or from learning anything new.
It lets me have my IPhone to take pictures of the Worlds beauty but then tells me not to share it.
It has me check out eight different books from the library on a single day,
only to become so overwhelmed that I take them all back without reading any of them.

I just can't imagine a pill fixing this.
I feel normal most of the day, then wham!
It trips me up and then it's off and running.
Meditation and/or Meditative breathing helps, a lot.
I pray all day long.
Sometimes I just whisper his name YAHWEH and that helps too.
I've stopped all caffeine and am weaning myself off of sugar.
I am using Young Living essential oils Stress Away and I just bought Tranquility.
I bought myself a Himalayan Salt Lamp.
I still take a low dose Klonopin every night even though it tells me not to.

I know this post makes me sound a bit psychotic...a bit deranged, but I'm not.
I don't have a brain tumor or any other horrible disease.
I have an Anxiety Disorder.
And I don't like it.

I'm open for suggestions if anybody's got anything else to offer.


Be still, my soul,
just for a moment,
be still, and know
the warm breeze
of God's Spirit
gently embracing.
Be still, and hear
the quiet words
of God's Spirit
gently uplifting.
Just for a moment,
just for a moment,
be still, my soul.
~John Birch
Prayers of Life


Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly