Undoing

My son and his girlfriend have called it quits.
He won't be moving to Arizona after all.
He's sad and she's sad.

My computer has been emptied of everything possible that could be causing the problem.
And still the problem remains. I give up. I am not computer savvy.
I will post when I can.

Tomorrow him and I are taking off for a 3 day mini vacation on the Harley.
I'll be back on Sunday. Hopefully with some great pictures.
I need this break more than I can say right now.

I miss you guys.
I miss posting my own ramblings and I miss reading your stuff too.

School starts for my grandson again in two weeks.
Maybe I can figure out what is causing my computer to act up once I get some free time again.

It's been a busy Summer so far.
I'll try to fill you in when I get back.

Miss you lots,
Love Lolly

Broken

Real quick post.
Something is wrong with my laptop. It's broken.
I don't know if I need a knew one or maybe fix this one.
I'm trying to figure out how to put my blog on my IPhone.
Anybody know if that is even possible?
If I don't post for a while you'll know why...

My heart is broken.
My son got a job in Arizona. He'll be moving in three weeks.
It makes me extremely weepy to think about it.

My body is broken.
I'm sick with a sore throat, body aches and a headache. Blech.

Gratitude List-
1. I'm glad my son got a job.
2. I'm glad he found someone that he loves. (His girlfriend moved there in June)
3. Advil for my headache and sore throat.
4. My IPhone.
5. It's Friday night and we have no plans...Yay!
6. Hot Tea and Honey
7. Chicken Noodle Soup
8. Getting to sleep in tomorrow morning
9. Rain that benefited my garden today
10. The grandkids didn't fight at all today- no hitting or yelling or crying!


Wish me luck with this old laptop.
Thanks for reading,  Love Lolly

(ps- You could friend request me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram.
I've got both of those apps on my phone.
I believe y'all know my real name.
If not let me know in the comments and I'll figure out a way to get it to you.)

Saturday

I bawled all the way home from dropping the grand kids off at their house on Saturday.
I told my husband that it felt like I had just given back my foster children to their real parents.

They are here with me 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, and they only live 3 blocks away from us,
so yes, I am being dramatic.

In my own defense, my 3 year old granddaughter also bawled and cried and yelled NOOOOO
when she noticed it was their street we were driving on.

I thought it was going to be harder on me than it actually was, to have them with us for 4 days.
Now, don't get me wrong...it was stressful and I am as bone tired and weary as I have ever been.
But honestly I think the stress of the A/C and the fridge going out was worse.
I'm still tripping over that damn cooler. (New fridge comes tomorrow! So does the new A/C unit!)
The Summer heat and humidity 'bout drove me crazy though.
Getting them in and out of the car is such a hassle when everything inside the car
feels like a million degrees.
They were such troopers too. Going to Dr. appointments with us and then driving back and forth
to the physical therapy building...that's a hard thing to do when you are 6 and 3 years old.
They got Happy Meals on the day we had to go to both places in the span of 2 hours.

We took them to the local ribfest and let them play games on the carnival midway-
They both won huge blow up floaties and small stuffed animal snakes.
I fed them barbequed chicken and they ate it faster than I could pull it off the bone.
They danced like 2 little fairie sprites on our way back to the car at sunset.

I miss watching them sleep and looking like perfect angels.
I miss seeing their fuzzy little bed heads in the early morning.
When I have them during the day they don't act like perfect angels nor are their heads fuzzy :)

I appreciate all of your comments of support. It lifted me up when I was feeling mighty low.
With that being said, I realize as of late that I haven't been seeing or feeling much gratitude
in my life.So I thought I'd try something here-

For everything I complain or whine about I must find something for which to be grateful for.
So here's my gratitude list for this bright and sunny Monday morning-

1. I woke up healthy, happy and whole.
2. The portable A/C window units are doing a great job of cooling our house.
3. Both my daughter and my husband are healing better and faster than I thought they would.
4. My grand kids are coming back over today and we are going to the beach and then the library.
5. Tomorrow we get a brand new refrigerator and a new central air unit.
6. My gardens are thriving in this heat and humidity...they look amazing and lush and green.
7. My daily devotionals that have been pointing me back towards praising and worshiping Jesus.
    (Sorry Lord, I forget about that when I am stressed)
8. A sister who prays for me and with me.
9. A leisurely morning shower.
10. How wonderful coffee tastes in the morning.
11. A comfy sundress.
12. Tomatoes growing in my garden. Celery too.
13. The smell of Pineapple Sage.
14. Grilled Steak and veggies for dinner last night.
15. My new Steam mop that we got for free with our credit card points.
16. Pictures on Instagram. I love this app

That's it for now.
Thanks for reading!
Love,  Lolly

Venting

I don't want your sympathy. I just want to vent.
The AC went out today. The compressor is seized up.
Also.... today it felt like 91 degrees and my house feels like an oven.
Two days ago the fridge stopped working.
The new one arrives on Monday.
I have a cooler in my kitchen that is pissing me off cuz I keep tripping over it.
A month ago the water heater burned up and was replaced.
Things come in threes, right?? I'm thinking we should be good now.

My husband had shoulder surgery a week ago.
My daughter had a hysterectomy yesterday.
My husband has physical therapy every day for two weeks.
I've had my grandkids for 3 straight days- 24 hrs a day.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of being the family nurse/caregiver.
I'm exhausted.
The dishes keep piling up as does the laundry.
When in the hell am I supposed to get to it???
How did I do this before?

Sitting in hospitals, waiting at Dr's offices, dropping off him at PT...
I'm stretched real thin right now.

Does that sound bad? Do I sound like a jerk because I'm being pulled in too may directions?
It's so hot in my house that it is making me cranky and short tempered.
The grandkids won't eat what I give them for breakfast or lunch. They're hot and cranky too.
They want Popsicles. Fine by me. I pretend that they are made of fruit instead of sugar and dye.

My daughters husband is an actual ass. I dislike him immensely.
He was dirty, drunk and disheveled at the hospital during her surgery.
He was combative and threatening to the staff. He accused them of mistreatment and lying.
I wanted to kill him myself. The ASS!!!

I'm thinking that Tuesday night meetings might still be a good idea for me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I sent my husband out for a night with the guys tonight.
Go, I said. Go and enjoy yourself. I hope he has a good time.
I bathed the grandkids, put them to bed, did all the dishes, started the laundry and typed this post.
I could use a break myself. The kids go home tomorrow afternoon.
I bet I miss them once I drop them off.

This sounds like a rambling post, and maybe it is.
All I know is I'm tired and in need of a shower.
I need for someone to NOT need me for just a blessed minute.

I'll keep ya posted. Right now I'm heading to bed.
Things will be better tomorrow I hope.

a quick note

I'm going to use bullet points for this post to see if I can type it faster.

• My husband is having shoulder surgery tomorrow. He will be off of work for 6 weeks. Yikes, he is a terrible patient and I am a cranky nurse. Pray for the both of us.
• 
  
• I've taken the grandkids to the beach twice so far this Summer. They love it! They swim around near the shallow shore like two tiny funny fish! I'd like to see these two as brown as nuts by the time Summer ends. I don't want them to sit inside and watch cartoons all day long. Which is basically what they want to do all day long.
• 
  
• Yesterday I weeded my gardens while the grandkids played outside with Thomas trains. Much crying and fighting ensued as they refused to share with each other. Did I mention that we were in the front yard...on the busy street where we live...where all the drivers in all the cars can witness this crying and not sharing?
• 
  
• I made Chicken Avocado Enchiladas for dinner last night. They were easy and amazing. I got the recipe from Six Sisters Stuff on Pinterest.
• 
  
• I putter around on Pinterest every morning. I pin pictures that I like or recipes or haircuts or garden ideas I want to try out. I used to feel like this was just wasting time. I don't anymore. With the exception of my latest hair cut, most of my pins have brought me nothing but happiness.
• 
  
• Oh! I got my hair chopped off...they call this style a Long Pixie. I hated it for a solid week. Thanks for nuttin' Pinterest.    Today it looks sorta cute tho, so maybe there's hope.
• 
  
• I'm coming up empty looking for a good book to read this Summer. Any ideas?? I'm really not a fan of murder mysteries, but I'll give it a go if it's a good story.
• 
  
• Just so you know I read your blogs daily (or whenever you put up a post). I don't comment mainly because I'm reading on my Iphone and it won't let me comment unless I connect to Google and I don't know how to do that. Sometimes technology befuddles me. If I want to comment then I need to fire up the old laptop. With the two grandkids hanging on me, I usually don't open my computer. I'm afraid of little fingers pressing the delete keys when I'm not looking.
• 
  
• And also...reading blogs on my Iphone is going to make me go blind. The print is soooo tiny.
• 
  
• FYI- Using bullet points did NOT make writing this post any faster.
• 
  
• We're making a craft today. Popsicle sticks and red, white and blue paint, then gluing them  together to make American flags. I'll regret this later. Trust me. I will.
• 
  
• Gotta go, here they come, racing each other down my front sidewalk to see who gets to be first in the door. The loser always cries. I wish they would stop playing this game. 

Thanks for stopping by!

Love, Lolly

This is for you Birdie

School's out for Summer

It surprises me how quickly it came back.
The roaring heat of Summer. (it is only June 8th)
How it makes me so damn irritated.
Simply put I cannot stand to feel warm anymore.
Blow drying my hair makes me sweaty and uncomfortable.
I'm a millisecond away from grabbing the dog shears
and getting rid of these offending locks for good!

I find myself snapping at the grand kids who won't stop arguing!!.
We're all bored and school has been out for precisely 5 days.
They agree on nothing.
Let's take a walk...No! says one.  Let's ride bikes...No! says the other.
They can't agree on a DVD selection either.
Much howling ensues when I try to reason with them that next time they can pick first.

We took two "field trips" last week to Aldi and Walmart.
Why I thought that would be a good idea is beyond me.
They begged for every sweet thing they saw saying -pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?????
Candy, cookies, fruit snacks, Poptarts, chocolate chip granola bars, cereal with marshmallows, a bag of brown sugar....
That'd be like feeding them rocket fuel...I hurry past that first aisle.
They squabble and fight and torment each other through the rest of the store.
I alternate between cold silent indifference and sweaty angry yelling.

But Hey! What's this???
Could it be that I'm not alone in this Summertime squabbling thing?!?
In Aldi I spot another overwrought mother trying to corral her two young boys.
She is threatening them to keep quiet and to keep their hands to themselves.
Stop fighting she says to them. Get away from that she hollers.
Behave PLEASE she begs them.
Meanwhile my two grand kids are on the dirty floor wrastling with each other like two angry cats.

I touch her on the arm and tell her she's not alone and thanks for making me feel more normal.
She tells me she left two of her four kids at home and that she is scared cuz it's day two of their Summer vacation and she's already lost the battle.

Onto the library we go because of course...why not?!
They split up and run in opposite directions as soon as we get in the door.
I chase my granddaughter first mainly because she is three years old.
He, at six, is more familiar with his surroundings, so I'll get him after I catch her.
Listen we need to stay together, I tell them. We can get books and DVD's and play with legos and trains and ginormous building blocks but we need to stay together!
Soon he sees a friend from school, then another and yet another.
The library is full of children signing up for the Summer reading program.
As we wait our turn in line to do the same, I see one of my grandsons friends
being pulled over to the side of the room by her aggravated mother who starts talking through her gritted teeth non too quietly telling Lindsey to behave or they are going home.
Alex's mother then approaches us to lament that it took them two and a half ours to get dressed and out of the house this morning.
I commiserate with her and tell her of our grocery shopping expedition this morning.

Most days I let myself become defeated with what I feel are my failures at raising this second generation of children. I cannot seem to stop yelling. It feels so much harder and I'm not sure why.
I've done this before, I tell myself. So what is the problem??
They are sweet, wonderful, adorable, regular children.
Why can I not just enjoy them?
Why must they aggravate the hell out of each other??
It feels like so much work on this second week of Summer vacation.
When they get along and play nicely together it works.
It's the fighting and crying that keeps throwing me over the edge.

Whether it's mine or theirs I'm not quite sure yet... haha

Let Me Live Grace-fully 
Thank you, Lord, 
for this season 
of sun and slow motion 
 of games and porch sitting, 
 of picnics and light green fireflies 
 on heavy purple evenings; 
 and praise for slight breezes. 
It’s good, God, 
as the first long days of your creation. 
Let this season be for me 
 a time of gathering together the pieces 
 into which my busyness has broken me. 
O God, enable me now 
 to grow wise through reflection, 
 peaceful through the song of the cricket, 
 recreated through the laughter of play. 
Most of all, Lord, 
let me live easily and grace-fully for a spell, 
 so that I may see other souls deeply, 
 share in silence unhurried, 
 listen to the sound of sunlight and shadows, 
 explore barefoot the land of forgotten dreams and shy hopes, 
and find the right words to tell another who I am. 
A Summer Prayer by Ted Loder in his book of prayers, "Guerrillas of Grace/Prayers for the Battle"





Here's hoping that my next post will not be about my fighting grandchildren.
(I need to find something else to blog about!)