What I lost and then found

My hard drive has been replaced.
$260.00 later and my lap top works again.
I use the term my lap top loosely.
MY  lap top is essentially gone. Not essentially. It IS gone.
I had pictures of our kids and grandkids on my lap top.
Vacations and holidays, birthdays and Harley rides.
The computer guy promised me that he would back up my pics before they switched out the hard drive. He only saved 4 years worth.  4 years of pictures are completely gone. Vanished.
My videos of the grandkids are gone.
Most of my music is also gone. ITunes makes it easy to recover the songs I downloaded thru their app. But all of the other CD's that I've burned over the years are gone.

When I turned on this lap top after we got it home, the first thing I did was cry.
It was, IS, so empty.  No apps, no icons, no favorites, nothing...basically it's.......empty.
I guess I thought it was going to be just like it was but I was sorely mistaken.
I was shocked at it's emptiness. I sat staring at it dumbfounded.
When I checked for the file that the computer guy said was holding all of my saved pictures I was initially happy. Phew! He saved them!
Until I looked at the date of the last file and noticed it said 2012.
2012!?!?  It's 2016! Where are 4 years of pictures??
And right then, for real, I wanted to throw up.
I felt betrayed. Didn't he say he had saved them all? Yes, he did say that.
I closed the lid of this foreign dumb stupid lap top, drank 2 glasses of wine and went to bed.

In the morning, I had no joy about opening this lap top up. Why bother? I thought. It felt like a chore. The fun was gone. My stuff was gone.
I felt bad for being attached to a stupid computer.
Or I felt stupid for being attached to a bad computer.
Whatever...I don't know.

"We need to reinstall the firewall" my husband said. So we did that.
My son helped by reinstalling some of my apps... Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram.
When I tried to print out a copy of the firewall protection I realized that I had no printer connected.
Where in the world did we put that CD that would restore my printer??
I found it by accident in a pile of music CD's. What are the odds that I would find that exact CD for the printer in a pile of old music CD'S??

It was then that I started to notice that I was pouting. Wanting to cry and rail at what I had lost.
What had I actually lost? Pictures? Videos? Music?  A computer?
Could I not find a way to put this in perspective?
Compared to some people I had it made.
I had simply taken the credit card and made an appointment to have my lap top fixed.
No hardship, no deciding if we should buy groceries or pay rent or fix my lap top.
4 years of pictures were actually saved. All of my music on ITunes was saved. That's 173 songs!
I found that restore disc for the printer by mistake. The firewall went in with out a hitch.
I knew all of my app passwords but one. So I only had to come up with one new one.
(Is it just me or is it hard for you guys to think up new passwords too??)

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I friend I've known since kindergarten was involved in a severe car accident 5 days ago. She's been in a coma since the accident.
On day three of her coma, her 16 year old disabled daughter died unexpectedly.
There are 3 more disabled siblings at home.  Do I really want to cry about pictures missing from my computer?

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My son went on a solitary vacation. Rock climbing, hiking and camping.
By himself.
I hugged him when he left and asked him to please be careful.
He slipped on some loose gravel while hiking and strained his Achilles tendon and had to come home a day early. If he had stayed he would have been caught in the flooding rains that engulfed the campground where he had been staying.
Slipping on loose gravel while hiking bluffs could have been....I shudder to think about it.
Flooding rains could have washed away his car, him, his supplies...

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I realized that while I was sitting here lamenting my newly fixed computer, 3 people that I knew had been affected by life altering scenarios.
In 4 weeks I'll have a new granddaughter. My other 3 grandkids are thriving.
Him and I are enjoying doing things by ourselves-riding our Harley, taking pictures, watching movies, walking our dogs.
My son did not slip off that bluff nor get caught in that flooding rain.
No one in my family has been involved in a car accident. There have been no deaths.
Can I , should I, still complain about lost pictures and music?
Suddenly I found myself ashamed to be complaining or pouting or even sad.

There are so many things to be thankful for on a daily basis.
I need to be careful lest I forget this and worry over the loss of stuff.

I'm happy to be back. I've missed you girls.

As always, Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

I'll be back- I promise.

I had a long drawn out post ready to go about the awfullness of my grandkids and the end of Summer and grocery shopping on a very hot day.
And then I realized that it was a very angry post about me loosing my shit when its too humid outside.
So... here's what's happening-
My computer is crashing daily. My hard drive has been affected.
Today I am calling the Geek Squad to see if anything can be salvaged.
I'm mostly concerned about saving my blog entries and my photos.
I'll keep up with you guys on Facebook and Instagram.
Say a prayer for me...I'm nervous about this dumb old computer.
Thanks for reading,
Love Lolly

Summer news

My computer turned on today but only after a You need to do a file scan disc letter C warning type of thing appeared  on the screen.
Dread washed over me followed by a hot flash and then a cold sweat.
Yahoo  says it might be an early warning sign of my hard drive going bad. Eek....

I'll type as fast as I can before it seizes up again.

Life is rolling along nicely for us.
My six year old grandson starts first grade next week.
It's been a fun Summer but I am ready for school to start up again.
He says he is excited and nervous about going to a new classroom.
My husband and I went on a couple of Harley rides the past two weekends.
I posted a pic or two on my Facebook account.
Ha! Bad ass indeed, Birdie...your comment made me laugh.
I am so not a bad ass.
And to be truthful I rather like the pic of me and him.
I usually cringe whenever I see a pic of me. All I ever see are my flaws.
My 3 year old granddaughter is starting to potty train. She pees on the potty all day long.
Now we just need to get her to poop on the potty. She is resisting all attempts. sigh...
My daughter is due to give birth to her second child, a girl, in 8 weeks.
This will give us 4 grand kids- 2 boys and 2 girls.

Computer is starting to go out again.
I'll be back

Undoing

My son and his girlfriend have called it quits.
He won't be moving to Arizona after all.
He's sad and she's sad.

My computer has been emptied of everything possible that could be causing the problem.
And still the problem remains. I give up. I am not computer savvy.
I will post when I can.

Tomorrow him and I are taking off for a 3 day mini vacation on the Harley.
I'll be back on Sunday. Hopefully with some great pictures.
I need this break more than I can say right now.

I miss you guys.
I miss posting my own ramblings and I miss reading your stuff too.

School starts for my grandson again in two weeks.
Maybe I can figure out what is causing my computer to act up once I get some free time again.

It's been a busy Summer so far.
I'll try to fill you in when I get back.

Miss you lots,
Love Lolly

Broken

Real quick post.
Something is wrong with my laptop. It's broken.
I don't know if I need a knew one or maybe fix this one.
I'm trying to figure out how to put my blog on my IPhone.
Anybody know if that is even possible?
If I don't post for a while you'll know why...

My heart is broken.
My son got a job in Arizona. He'll be moving in three weeks.
It makes me extremely weepy to think about it.

My body is broken.
I'm sick with a sore throat, body aches and a headache. Blech.

Gratitude List-
1. I'm glad my son got a job.
2. I'm glad he found someone that he loves. (His girlfriend moved there in June)
3. Advil for my headache and sore throat.
4. My IPhone.
5. It's Friday night and we have no plans...Yay!
6. Hot Tea and Honey
7. Chicken Noodle Soup
8. Getting to sleep in tomorrow morning
9. Rain that benefited my garden today
10. The grandkids didn't fight at all today- no hitting or yelling or crying!


Wish me luck with this old laptop.
Thanks for reading,  Love Lolly

(ps- You could friend request me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram.
I've got both of those apps on my phone.
I believe y'all know my real name.
If not let me know in the comments and I'll figure out a way to get it to you.)

Saturday

I bawled all the way home from dropping the grand kids off at their house on Saturday.
I told my husband that it felt like I had just given back my foster children to their real parents.

They are here with me 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, and they only live 3 blocks away from us,
so yes, I am being dramatic.

In my own defense, my 3 year old granddaughter also bawled and cried and yelled NOOOOO
when she noticed it was their street we were driving on.

I thought it was going to be harder on me than it actually was, to have them with us for 4 days.
Now, don't get me wrong...it was stressful and I am as bone tired and weary as I have ever been.
But honestly I think the stress of the A/C and the fridge going out was worse.
I'm still tripping over that damn cooler. (New fridge comes tomorrow! So does the new A/C unit!)
The Summer heat and humidity 'bout drove me crazy though.
Getting them in and out of the car is such a hassle when everything inside the car
feels like a million degrees.
They were such troopers too. Going to Dr. appointments with us and then driving back and forth
to the physical therapy building...that's a hard thing to do when you are 6 and 3 years old.
They got Happy Meals on the day we had to go to both places in the span of 2 hours.

We took them to the local ribfest and let them play games on the carnival midway-
They both won huge blow up floaties and small stuffed animal snakes.
I fed them barbequed chicken and they ate it faster than I could pull it off the bone.
They danced like 2 little fairie sprites on our way back to the car at sunset.

I miss watching them sleep and looking like perfect angels.
I miss seeing their fuzzy little bed heads in the early morning.
When I have them during the day they don't act like perfect angels nor are their heads fuzzy :)

I appreciate all of your comments of support. It lifted me up when I was feeling mighty low.
With that being said, I realize as of late that I haven't been seeing or feeling much gratitude
in my life.So I thought I'd try something here-

For everything I complain or whine about I must find something for which to be grateful for.
So here's my gratitude list for this bright and sunny Monday morning-

1. I woke up healthy, happy and whole.
2. The portable A/C window units are doing a great job of cooling our house.
3. Both my daughter and my husband are healing better and faster than I thought they would.
4. My grand kids are coming back over today and we are going to the beach and then the library.
5. Tomorrow we get a brand new refrigerator and a new central air unit.
6. My gardens are thriving in this heat and humidity...they look amazing and lush and green.
7. My daily devotionals that have been pointing me back towards praising and worshiping Jesus.
    (Sorry Lord, I forget about that when I am stressed)
8. A sister who prays for me and with me.
9. A leisurely morning shower.
10. How wonderful coffee tastes in the morning.
11. A comfy sundress.
12. Tomatoes growing in my garden. Celery too.
13. The smell of Pineapple Sage.
14. Grilled Steak and veggies for dinner last night.
15. My new Steam mop that we got for free with our credit card points.
16. Pictures on Instagram. I love this app

That's it for now.
Thanks for reading!
Love,  Lolly

Venting

I don't want your sympathy. I just want to vent.
The AC went out today. The compressor is seized up.
Also.... today it felt like 91 degrees and my house feels like an oven.
Two days ago the fridge stopped working.
The new one arrives on Monday.
I have a cooler in my kitchen that is pissing me off cuz I keep tripping over it.
A month ago the water heater burned up and was replaced.
Things come in threes, right?? I'm thinking we should be good now.

My husband had shoulder surgery a week ago.
My daughter had a hysterectomy yesterday.
My husband has physical therapy every day for two weeks.
I've had my grandkids for 3 straight days- 24 hrs a day.

I'm tired.
I'm tired of being the family nurse/caregiver.
I'm exhausted.
The dishes keep piling up as does the laundry.
When in the hell am I supposed to get to it???
How did I do this before?

Sitting in hospitals, waiting at Dr's offices, dropping off him at PT...
I'm stretched real thin right now.

Does that sound bad? Do I sound like a jerk because I'm being pulled in too may directions?
It's so hot in my house that it is making me cranky and short tempered.
The grandkids won't eat what I give them for breakfast or lunch. They're hot and cranky too.
They want Popsicles. Fine by me. I pretend that they are made of fruit instead of sugar and dye.

My daughters husband is an actual ass. I dislike him immensely.
He was dirty, drunk and disheveled at the hospital during her surgery.
He was combative and threatening to the staff. He accused them of mistreatment and lying.
I wanted to kill him myself. The ASS!!!

I'm thinking that Tuesday night meetings might still be a good idea for me.

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I sent my husband out for a night with the guys tonight.
Go, I said. Go and enjoy yourself. I hope he has a good time.
I bathed the grandkids, put them to bed, did all the dishes, started the laundry and typed this post.
I could use a break myself. The kids go home tomorrow afternoon.
I bet I miss them once I drop them off.

This sounds like a rambling post, and maybe it is.
All I know is I'm tired and in need of a shower.
I need for someone to NOT need me for just a blessed minute.

I'll keep ya posted. Right now I'm heading to bed.
Things will be better tomorrow I hope.