I've often heard the saying that to assume something means to make an ASS out of U and ME. That was the two of us this past Sunday, my husband and myself. Our day started out glorious. We were on a motorcycle ride with my sister Darlene and her husband Raul, and my cousin Michelle and her husband Peter. Just out for a day of riding to Wisconsin to see the sights and the scenery. I absolutely adore Wisconsin. Must be the Midwesterner in me. I love the rolling hills and the lush green countryside. It is our usual destination when we take the Harleys out. (There ain't nothing much to look at here in Northern Illinois.) Anyway....
Darlene has the map and knows which way we need to go. She is the "Cruise Directer" as she like to call herself. We were in a rural area (dairy country remember. Lots of farms) and the radio station started getting all fuzzy and static-y. As Raul started fiddling with his radio station dial, Darlene said to him..." Our turn is coming up here.....You need to turn left here....here....HERE!!! LEFT HERE!! And poof....we drove right past them because my own Harley "pilot" was also adjusting the dial to the static filled radio station and wasn't paying attention until too late. We had no choice but to swerve around them, in order to avoid crashing into them and we kept on driving down the road a little way. As soon as we spotted a place to turn around, I said to my spouse "We need to get you a copy of the map." And he assumed that I meant that he was at fault for not turning or for not knowing where to turn. What I meant by saying that he needed a copy of the map was that I felt bad for him that Darlene had a map and he didn't know where we were going. I felt badly that he was dependent on Darlene for giving him directions on when the turns were coming up. So he gets mad and tells me that it isn't his fault and if I think that I can do a better job of driving the Harley then I should take over the driving. He said that the radio was distracting him and that it needed to be kept off, so I said "Fine...shut it off and nobody is at fault for anything here... you missed a turn..no big deal" and he still wouldn't let it go. Bitched and harped about missing that turn and whose fault it was or wasn't ad nauseum for the next 10 miles. When we finally stopped at a restaurant for lunch, he was spoiling for an argument. In the past, I wouldn't have obliged. I would have kept my mouth shut and fumed all day but instead I addressed his loud, angry, argumentative tone by stating rather loudly myself "You want to fight about this right here in front of the whole town of Pleasantville Wisconsin ? Cuz I'm fine with that if you are! LOOK!!! You missed a turn and it wasn't your fault. There is no one to blame and NO ONE is at fault. Shit happens! Raul got distracted by the static and so did you. Darlene may or may not have given out the left turn indication to late...Whatever! I said you needed a map not to infer it was your fault. I said it cuz you needed a map so you would know where we were going and not get caught up short like that again." I had meant it in a positive way and he just couldn't see past it. He assumed I meant it in a negative way. To fast forward just a smidge...we ended up talking it out right there, with our voices low and calm and we came to an understanding and our day wasn't ruined the way it would have been in the past. And I can only thank the powers that be at Alanon for teaching me a better way to handle volatile situations. It works when you work it.
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