Wednesday, August 29, 2012
It works for me
Went to my Tuesday night meeting. So glad that I did. The lead talked about compassion and learning to forgive with love those members of our families that can be and are less than lovable. Her main focus was on her ex-mother-in-law who had just passed away. She spoke about how this woman had mistreated her throughout her marriage. She spoke about the dislike between the two of them and how it had manifested into something painful and ugly. She also spoke about being able to move on after the divorce and she was even able to forgive her ex-mother-in-law all of the slights and problems that she, the MIL had caused her in the past. She said that it felt freeing to do so. Well...... When it was my turn to speak, I let my home group know that I have always been able to play the game I Can Top That when it came to the proverbial Mother-in-law story. I also told them that most of my MIL horror stories could and would make them weep. But I didn't tell them any of my horror stories. What I told them was that I had decided that I could no longer have a normal relationship with her and that sometimes it is ok to walk away from a situation without there being any resolution. Alanon taught me that it was ok to be compassionate to myself, to be forgiving of myself, to like myself enough to walk away from those that were doing me harm. Alanon taught me that it was ok to move forward with my life and that I did not have to drag any unnecessary baggage along with me. That sometimes there wasn't any possible solution for fixing a situation and to stop beating myself up over it. And that has been freeing for me. I don't talk to my MIL anymore and I no longer go over to her house for holidays. It works for me. It gives me a sense of peace to not have to be in her presence. Although I believe that she still likes to stir up trouble with the other family members simply because I am not there. She makes that the issue, my absence, instead of her behavior towards me. Ugh! Not gonna go there! I feel better about myself for having made a big decision. It wasn't easy. I made sure that my husband was ok with my not going over to her house anymore. He said it was fine by him, that he wished he didn't have to go over there anymore either. Ha! Sometimes he does speak the truth to me. The lesson I learned here was that it's ok to let go of something or someone that hurts you. Right now I am feeling blessed that I have done so.