Thanks for giving

My 2 year old grandaughter had a temper tantrum as we were leaving the library today.
The quietest building on the face of the earth and she was howling at airplane decibels.
She had punched her brother in the gut and then run off down the aisle of books.
She fell off the step stool backwards while we were checking out and howled some more.
She was screaming by the time we got to the door that led to the parking lot.
And screamed louder when we didn't go out the automatic handicapped door, but pushed the door open by ourselves.
She dropped to the ground in between the vestibule and the outside world effectively blocking the flow of foot traffic coming in AND going out.
I let her lay there for a second and scream her damn fool head off, too tired to give a shit anymore.

I felt myself heave in a deep breath, and then heave the bag of books on to my back while I bent over to pick her up and out of the way of library patrons.
She kicked and screamed and flailed like I was a kidnapper.
So I put her down and started walking away. I'd had enough.
She wailed louder and took off running only to trip over her own two feet, clad in Elsa and Anna sparkly snow boots, and face planted on the icy cement sidewalk.
For a split second, I have to tell you, I. Did. Not. Care.
Her 5 year old brother was already half way across the parking lot of moving cars!!
I yelled for him to come back and stand by me until I could get ahold of her and the situation.
"My knees", she is shouting, "my knees!"
I hoist her up on my hip still carrying the load of books on my back.
I grab his hand, she's crying in my ear as we head to the car.
Once they are buckled in, I realize that I'm exhausted and frustrated and so very fucking warm in my T-shirt and jeans and wrap around sweater.
I haven't worn a winter coat in 7 years....I am so tired of being overly warm.
I take my frustrations out on that poor sweater by tearing it off and wadding it up and then non too gently pitching it onto the floor mat of the front seat.
I need a breather so I sit and collect myself for a sec.
What I really want to do is cry.

It's been a rough couple of days with these grandkids of mine.
I've lost all grace and gratitude for them at the moment.
Today especially this feels like so much work.

I see the cop car pull into the slot next to me out of the corner of my eye.
Crap.
I hope he's here for me, I privately think to myself.
I hope he hauls me off to jail for not beating the crap outta these two.

He walks past my window and continues on into the library.
As soon as he enters, I start my car and make a clean getaway.

I don't know what he's doing at the library, but I think I might have gone with him if he asked me to.
I need a break from these kids.
And isn't that the most ungracious thing you've ever heard?
This week especially, we are told to be thankful and grateful and I feel too tired to give a shit.

I didn't sleep well last night. I watched the news before bed...big mistake...and had nightmares.

So I think to myself..Man! You've been really short tempered with these kids today.
What's a good way to make it up to them? That's when I remember that I have ready to bake Turkey cookies in the fridge...Hey guys! Who wants to bake sugar cookies?!
Yay!! Let's all head off to the kitchen to bake so I can be a nice grandma again.

5 seconds after we're in the  kitchen they are rolling around on the floor hissing and clawing like two cats fighting over the colored sugars.
They forget about baking the cookies and start asking for stuff to drink.
I want chocolate milk! More juice..more juice!!
(I could use something to drink myself ....heh heh.)

I send them off to watch cartoons while I finish the cookies....sigh.
I hear then fighting and I hear a crash and I hear crying.
Who's crying I don't know. It very well could be me.

When did this become such a chore, I ask myself?
By 4:00 pm most days I want them to go home.
I'm tired of them fighting and not listening to me as I scream at them to stop it!

It's not even Winter yet...good Lord but that's a frightening thought.
What are they going to be like when we're all trapped inside this house due to the weather?

As I'm typing this my grandson sidles up to me and whispers in my ear-
"Thanks for giving me cookies today Granny. You are the bestest Granny ever."

And boom. There it is.
The sweetness of hisself as he whispers thanks for the cookies in my ear,
and I can smell that he has wet his pants again.
I want to yell at him but I don't have the heart to yell about pee'd pants anymore.
She is over tired...way over tired and is asking to crawl onto my lap with her blankie.
"Granny, I sit with you pwease?"
And boom. There it is again.
That tug on granny's heart strings.

I need to wrap this up.
But can't think of a nice way to do it.
So here....
I'm going to go rock my 2 year old grandaughter to sleep on my lap.
And when she's asleep, then I'm going to read my 5 year old grandson a book from the library.

And when I go to bed tonight, I'm going to thank God and my lucky stars that I have them in my life.
Have a great Thanksgiving everybody.
And don't forget to be Thankful and Grateful for the small things.