I got to my Tuesday night meeting 20 minutes late. The grand youngin' has a fever and wants his Nanny to stay home. He cries and it breaks my heart to leave him. So I sit with him for a few extra minutes, knowing that I will be forgiven for being late. I am glad to be at this meeting. I had skipped it last week. I so enjoy being with this group. The sharing that is done by all and the friendships that have been formed are soothing to my soul. But because I was so late I had missed the first half of the Lead's speech. I soon realized that it was about Step 10-
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
We go around the room to share our stories and thoughts and I was going to be at the end of the line so to speak, but I still felt lost. I felt rushed and flummoxed. Started to feel a little panicky because I didn't have anything to add to the conversation. Nothing was coming to my mind. I had nothing to say. Wait. Let me type that again. I. Had. Nothing. To. Say. Boom!
I grabbed my Courage to Change and started flipping through the index looking for a good page about the 10th step. Nuttin'. Crap! What am I gonna do?? I was racking my brain....c'mon, c'mon..... and still I had nothing to add. It was getting closer to my turn. Only 3 more people to share before me, wow, that was quick, now only 2 more to go until it's my turn... I can feel that I am anxious....my mind has reached a fevered pitch....searching, searching for something, anything to say... now it's Bob's turn.....and he chooses to pass. He passes!!! And a split second before I open my mouth to say something completely stupid or irrelevant on account of I really hadn't been listening to anybody 'cuz I was so worried about my own thoughts and what I was gonna say, I realize that I too can pass. Just like Bob. Bing! Just like that I realize that I too can pass when it is my turn to share. I don't always have to open my mouth to say something. Which is one of my biggest defects, the feeling like I always gotta add my two cents to the conversation. And you know what?? It was a relief. I felt relieved when I heard myself say that I was gonna pass. I apologized for being late, explained about the sick grandson and the fever and his wanting his Nanny to stay with him and then I passed. And it felt good to do it. Like a cold wash cloth feels on your head when you have a fever; like a sigh of relief.
My only regret of the night was that I hadn't really heard a word of what the others had said about Step 10. So here is my share about Step 10. I'm sorry that I missed all of the shares at my Tuesday night meeting and I promise to be a better listener in the future. I will try to remember that I can learn from listening to you all and I can pass and not share and that that is ok with all of you too.
And with that I'll pass.