A Gardener's work is never done.

So the other day I saw this pic on Instagram of Melania Trump "gardening".
It was 85 degrees Fahrenheit in Washington DC that day.
She was wearing a long sleeved red plaid flannel shirt and skinny pants and her long brown hair was hanging down by her face and down her back, her usual style.
Also, she was wearing a pair of gym shoes that I like to call Chucks.
Pristine Navy with snowy white bottoms; also known as Converse gym shoes.
I did a Google search so I could find that pic to post here on my blog when I stumbled upon this video instead.
At first I didn't realize it was satire.
Once I heard what words the voice over actress was actually saying I laughed my arse off.

The comments about her in this "gardeners outfit" on Instagram were brutal.
Brutal but truthful.
I mean honestly...who gardens in clean new Converse gym shoes?
Nobody, that's who.
One of the commenter's said it best when they said something along the lines of-
Gardeners come in two categories-
They're either bad ass and wear knee socks and tall rain boots
or they're the Earth dwellers, the kind that go barefoot in the dirt trying to connect to nature.
Ding ding ding. That person hit the nail on the head.
What a farce she is. Same fake shit as her spouse.

Today I went out into my own garden to get some weeding done.
The grand kids are on vacation with their parents up north
so I find myself at a loss as to what to do with myself.
I've tried gardening with them here with me, but Alas!
They always want to play in the backyard when I need to garden in the front yard and vice versa.
There's too many mosquito's or it's too hot or there's too much humidity...
uh, yeah, I'll blame that on them too.
Ahem...Anyway...

I was needing to weed a woodsy garden patch out back behind the garage.
No problem, I thought to myself, it won't take me long, it's 74 degrees Fahrenheit but only a little bit humid. It'll be partly shady back there too, I'll be fine.
I'll wear my bad. ass. socks and rain boots, and a long sleeve light weight denim shirt to keep the bug bites to a minimum and my capri's.
And I tied my hair back in a pony tail!!

Half way through with the sweat running in my eyes, it started to get hot. HOT!
My light weight denim shirt all of a sudden felt like a suit of armor.
Even my gardening gloves were making me feel too hot.
I kept going though...at this point I just wanted to finish it.
I felt myself started chuff...like a little bit short of breath. I was feeling light headed too.
I developed a headache and my back was aching from being bent over.
When I finally stood up half the world turned black in my vision and I felt like I was gonna pass out.
Hurry, I told myself.
So I raked the weeds and the sticks and the whatnot into a pile and then stuffed everything into a garden recycling bag.
It took all I had to carry that bag to the curb in front of our house.
By the time I got in the house my heart was banging in my chest.
It felt like a fist was pounding on the wall of my chest. Bam! Bam! Bam!
I grabbed two wash rags out of the linen closet and held them under the kitchen faucet till they were nice and cold, and I grabbed a cold bottle of water out of the fridge and headed to my bedroom.
I turned on the oscillating fan and put one cold rag on the back of my neck and the other I held across my forehead and both temples, I drank as much as that water as I could, then laid down and let the fan cool me off.
My heart was still pounding so hard I even had to take my bra off.
For a split second, I thought of calling the rescue squad.
But I didn't want to get up and put that bra back on, so...
I wasn't in pain, except for the headache but my heart felt like it was for real gonna just pound it's way out of my chest. I started to do my slow meditation breathing... Inhale for a count of 8, then exhale for a count of 10. In and out. In and out.
The fan started cooling me off finally so I sat up and drank more water.
Laid back down again until my heart wasn't pounding so hard, about 15 minutes more.

I realized then that I hadn't eaten any breakfast, only drunk two cups of coffee that morning.
So I ate a yogurt with some granola and drank another bottle of water.
My hair was wrecked from sweating outside and from the wet wash rags being placed on my head and neck.

Now I ask you...how did that woman "garden" with her hair down, and her shirt buttoned up and keep her shoes clean and white? How did she smile at the camera while she did it? How did she not develop fucking heat stroke like I did?

I know it makes me seem like a mean person to hate on her, but C'Mon!!
She wasn't even really gardening! She was posing for the camera!
And now I'm wondering if that Youtube video was really a voice over or maybe it really was her saying those stupid things!  (not really but, still)

Anyway, that title up above is a lie. I am done gardening...at least for today.
I still have the raging headache, so I'm going to hang out in my air conditioning for the rest of today and finish my book in peace and quiet.
Let me know what you think of the Youtube video.
Hopefully you have, and understand, my same sense of warped humor.

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly