What I know for sure

On Instagram I cry for people I don't know, who I've never met, who live halfway around the world, whose dogs have died.
They share their dogs story and they post their pics- usually just the last pic of them ever with their soulful eyes and gray muzzles and my empathetic hearts breaks. Losing a pet can be so traumatic.

I cried yesterday when I read a sad part in the book I'm reading-The Poisonwood Bible. I love it when a book can take me somewhere else and I don't even realize that I'm gone. This book is based on the Congo. I don't ever want to go there.

I'm married to a passive/aggressive jerk who says mean rotten things to me one minute and in the next minute wants to know what am I thinking about and tries to be funny but he's not.
I don't cry about this but I silently fume and think of ways to get back at him.

If you spray the garden hose straight up into the small clump of trees in your backyard on a day when it is 86 degrees with 80% humidity, the little birds will come and sit on the branches and ruffle their feathers and take a shower right in front of you. And they will sing while they do it.
They will trill for their friends and flap their wings and more birds will show up.
When you finally turn the hose off you can stand there and listen to them chatter with each other  while the sound of the water drips off of the leaves in a lovely pitter/patter sound like rain.

My son and his childhood friend are thinking of moving to Minneapolis/St. Paul Minnesota.
His friend just got a job transfer so they are talking about maybe moving in together.
I'm not sad about this. I'm not thrilled but I'm not sad.
I don't want him 5 hours away but my son does need a change in his life.
He cannot live in his boyhood home forever.
(remind me of this when he leaves and I can't quit crying)
Plus I want his room for my own little nest. I could meditate and breathe and pray up there. It's got a great view of the backyard.

Summer break is almost over.
School starts for both of these grandkids of mine in 10 days.
He will be in third grade. THIRD GRADE!! And she will be in all day Kindergarten.
I've been Nanny/Granny or rather Mommy/Granny for 8 years.
What am I gonna do??? With myself? With my time? Without them here?
THIS makes me cry.

I can't believe I've got to start looking for a part-time job soon.
But I know I cannot sit in this quiet house and do nothing but cry for old dogs and young children going to school or for adult boys moving on and moving out.

Here's something that I do believe though; something that I know for sure-



Also?? This. ↓  This is me too.


(I can't get that little Wordables thing off of the picture I found on Google so just ignore it please.)

Something else I know for sure-
Water is holy whether it's from the hose, the sky, or our tears.
I am crying. I am laughing. I am paying attention.

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly