Todays happenings

Time seems to fly faster everyday. I last posted nearly 3 weeks ago!
Where does the time go??!!
My best friends dad says that for him it happens this way-
When he wakes up it is Monday morning so he eats breakfast
But by nightfall he is eating dinner and it is Friday
and that, he says, scares the crap outta him.

This morning our little dog is sick...I need to call the Vet for more meds.
She has a past history of Pancreatitis so this is just another flare up.

Weatherman said it will be 72 degrees outside today.
I can't wait to get these grandkids out into that fresh air!

I'm stuck in my prayer journey. I don't know how to get out of this rut I'm in.
I've been reading some devotionals but they aren't cutting it.
I've tried reading some other self help books but they aren't helping either.
A few years ago, Annette told me to start reading for pleasure...
Maybe it's time for me to give that a shot.
I did read The Humans and that was an excellent book.
Also I just checked out Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.
On the cover it says "Some Instructions on Writing and Life".
I'll let you know how it goes with this one.

I hope everyone is doing well. I miss you guys!

Dear Birdie

Dear Birdie,
I read one of your favorite books...The Humans and I loved it.
I loved all 97 of his life instructions to Gulliver too.
That was a really great book.

Also, last night, before he fell asleep my husband was watching
some World War II documentary on TV.
Usually I skip that sort of program but somehow I got sucked in.
Suffice it to say I slept about 3 hours last night.
I could not stop thinking about what those poor people in Europe
went thru...The Jews, the Germans and the Russians.
The military personnel and the civilians.
The Men, Woman, & children.
They showed a picture of a little Dutch child in a hospital bed
looking straight at the camera. The child looked like a boy.
He looked like he was starving and indeed he was.
Right then and there I wanted to start praying for that little guy.
Ohhh I hope he makes it was a thought that went thru my head.
Then the next thought was  oh no, he's probably dead already.

Those stupid shows don't allow any closure for me.
My brain keeps asking the question-
Wait! What happened to these people? Where are they now?
There is no possible way on this Earth to get an answer to my questions.

It makes me feel empty and sad.

I normally don't watch any type of world news, ever. Past or present.
All it does is upset me and prevent me from sleeping.
My husband has said in the past that I'm keeping my head in the sand.
I don't care if I am, I tell him.
I think the media likes to keep our minds filled with horrific things.
It hurts me in my soul to view these images. It gives me insomnia.
It makes me feel helpless and afraid.
And it takes me an extraordinarily long time to remove these images
from my brain, to stop the movie from replaying in my mind.

I remember reading on your blog that you don't like watching the news either.
And as I tossed and turned and waited for sleep (which did not come)
I thought of you and wondered if you would've been sucked in by
this TV show or if you would've walked right back out of that room.
Cuz' believe me, I am regretting my decision this morning.

Grandkids are coming in the door and this Granny is crabby and tired
from no sleep. Wish us all luck today.

Lolly

Camp Happy Granny

My cousin, who is a Nanny stopped by today.
She came bearing gifts for my two grandkids.
She got right down on my dirty hardwood floors
And spoke to them from their eye level.
She feigned interest in them and their toys and their chatter
Or maybe it wasn't feigned interest and I am just a jerk.

Most days it's all I can do to get them to Please! Eat Something!!
And pick up their toys and GO POTTY!!!

I realize that I am isolated.....that I have isolated myself.
My two closest friends are a 5 year old and a two year old.
I know all of the current cartoon characters on TV and what time they are on.
Lunch for them is a string cheese, a juice box and a few Ritz crackers.
How they exist on that I have no idea.

This morning I tried oatmeal for the 5 year old.
He gagged and choked and threw up the one bite back into his full bowl.
The toast I made for them after that fed the cold and starving Squirrels
that live in our backyard along with a partially eaten Apple that the
2 year old insisted on, and then refused to eat after that first bite.

 It is -4 degrees today with a Wind Chill of -27.
As I type this I am in bare feet and a tank top and sweat pants.
My unwashed hair is in a ponytail cuz I woke up late and had no time to shower.
But the kids don't seem to notice, so no big whoop.
It only started to bother me when my cousin walked in.
Then I felt like I should have been showered and dressed and blow dried.
It really didn't appear to bother her though.
She was all about them kids...talking, playing, listening.
I should be like that I thought to myself.

And  2 seconds later, I realized that I AM LIKE THAT!
I am on the floor with them. I do play the games and build the puzzles.
I play with Thomas Trains and Dolls and play food.
We watch cartoons and movies and DVD's  Ad nauseam.
We practice our word picture flashcards and go to the library for books.

Most days I'm tired and exhausted and do not want to wipe one. more. butt.
But their eyes....Their eyes are full of life and sparks and wonder.
I apologize to them at the end of every day for yelling at them.
And every single morning they trip over themselves to get to me
as they are coming in the front door.

While trying to think up a title for this post, these were my thought choices-

Camp Happy Granny
Camp Granny's Fanny
Crabby Granny's Fat Camp
Granny's Crabby Fanny Camp
Crabby Granny's Fanny
Granny's Camp is Crabby
Crabby granny is a Fanny

I went with the first one.
Having the grandkids here everyday DOES make me happy.
It makes me crabby too, but seeing their bright shining faces
smiling back at me every morning makes it all worth it.

 I am a jerk. I am crabby. I am a fanny.

Thanks for listening to me rant Ad nauseam about my grandkids.

True Love

The other day I watched and listened as my beloved put away an opened bag of potato chips.
He'd roll the bag down then squeeze out the air. Roll, crackle crackle, squeeze, crunch crunch.
Hey! I screamed... you're breaking those chips into crumbs!

No I'm not he replied. I'm just trying to force out the air so they don't get stale.

He did this 4 times...roll,squeeze,roll,squeeze,roll,squeeze,roll,squeeze.
I could hear those delicious, crispy chips with the ridges busting into teeny tiny pieces.
Don't believe me??

I took a picture.
Every chip left in that bag was no bigger than a dime.
Who gives a shit if they're stale when they're all the size of a dime or smaller?
They're garbage either way.

This is what we do, him & I.... He aggravates me and I yell at him.
He crunches an entire bag of chips and I tell him to stop it.
I forget to make dinner and he says no big deal..we'll find something.
He shovels snow for 3 solid hours and I do laundry for six hours straight.
He works outside while I work inside.
He likes sweet things, I like salty.
He could eat beef with a side of beef and extra beef for dinner.
While I'm not a vegetarian, I prefer to eat veggies for dinner.

I LOVE rice, couscous, Quinoa. He doesn't. Refuses to eat it. Period.
He needs the fan blowing on him at night.  And. I. need. it. off.
(You'd think I would want it on due to these accursed hot flashes.
But NO! The sound of it whirring makes me nuts and keeps me from sleeping)

I've gained 40 pounds since we got married 32 years ago.
So has he but his weight gain doesn't bother me in the least.
My weight gain appears not to bother him either or so he says.

I like to drink 2 glasses of wine every night to relax.
He is sober but not recovered.
Don't get me wrong...he is 100% sober and so much better than he was 5 years ago.
But then again, I am so much better than I was 5 years ago too
(Thank you Alanon)

Today is Valentine's Day. A day to proclaim and celebrate Love.
We have no romantic plans and I'm ok with that.
I'm babysitting for our grandson who lives 45 minutes away from us
while he is staying home to replace our awful bathroom floor.

We've done life together since 1981, married since 1983.

It took us a looonnnngggg time to get comfortable with each other.
It took us a long ass time to forgive each other
and an even longer time relearning how to love each other well.

Believe it or not, riding our Harley helped us with that.
For some reason being on that thing brings us closer
to each other and closer to nature.
Some of the things we've seen have Wowed us.

One time the color of the sky at sunset looked like pink cotton candy.
The amazing colors we've seen during Autumn or the way the top of the corn stalks
glistened and sparkled in the sun like gold glitter...
Feeling the temperature change when riding thru a grove of pine trees
and the smell...omg but the smell of pine trees is amazing when you're on a Harley.
So was that field of strawberries we rode past.

We ride for a weekend in the summer and spend the night in a hotel
feeling the cool sheets on our sunburned arms and faces
and realize how blessed and lucky we are to have each other
and the time and the funds to do this sort of thing.

We ride past broken down, dilapidated and empty farms
and I wonder what happened to the people living there.
I wonder what the last straw was for them...Finances? Hate? Apathy?
Him and I have gone through it all together.
Bankruptcy, unfaithfulness, separation, alcoholism, death of a child, job loss.

And through it all, I loved him and still wanted to be with him.
But it wasn't easy.
Some of those years we were so hateful and so hard on each other!








It just took us a while to figure out that we'd rather do life together than apart.
Thank You Jesus for nearly 32 years with this man of mine.

Mid Winter

Each grandchild has been sick, for a week, separately.
The oldest grandson got it first.
Fever, cough, runny/stuffy nose.

The following week our grandaughter got it.

The week after that our 3rd grandchild got sick
and I don't even babysit for him!

Thank You Jesus that neither I nor my husband
has gotten sick.....yet.

It's been 2 solid weeks of snotty tissues and naps
and Tylenol for the fevers over here.
Watching lots of movies on the DVD player
and lots of cartoons on TV.

We got 19 inches of snow on Sunday.
And today it feels like   -14 degrees
but the Sun is shining so brightly!!

I've got nothing new to report.
Nothing fun to talk about, no secrets to tell.
Still living the same old boring life.
I'm ok with that though.

I woke up and I'm breathing.
I thank You Jesus, for that.

And Thank You for sick grandchildren who get well
and for Tylenol and Kleenex, juice boxes and cartoons.
For the house that keeps us warm with its working furnace
and the new dishwasher that took him 2 days to install.
For chicken bones to make homemade soup while it snows,
To the bright sunshine coming in thru the windows.
For morning coffee and Bible Study and friendly Bloggers
that comment here....

Thank You Jesus for all of it.
Amen

Examen prayer 2015

I found this on another blog....I forget which one. 

Which is precisly why this might be a trifle difficult for me.

I can't remember shit anymore.

How am I supposed to remember a whole years worth of stuff?!

But it did seem to spark my interest, so maybe I'll get a special notebook

and write some of this stuff down or I could post something on the blog once in a while too.

A Reflective Review of the Past Year:

St. Ignatius Loyola's Examen is an opportunity for peaceful daily reflective prayer. 

It invites us to find the movement of God in our life. 

The Examen is simply a set of introspective prompts for you to follow or adapt to your own character and spirit. Begin with a pause and a slow, deep breath or two; become aware that you are in the presence of the Holy.

As I review the past 12 months, from a year ago through to the present moment -
What am I especially grateful for this year?

An event that took place
Courage that I mustered
Love and support I received

I ask for the light to know God and to know myself as God sees me.

Where have I felt true joy this year?
What troubled me this year?
What has challenged me?
Where and when did I find an opportunity for renewal and pause?

Have I noticed God's presence in any of this?

           In light of my review, what is my response to the God of my life?

As I look ahead, to the coming months what comes to mind?
With what spirit do I want to enter the next few months, the next year?

I ask for God's presence and grace, for this spirit, as I enter the next year

**********************************************************************************

I'll let y'all know how this works out for me.

* 1/13/86

Her name is Abigail. Today is her birthday.
I will miss her until the day arrives when
I get to see her again in heaven.
Until then Sweet Girl.....