A tisket, a tasket...

I stole a purple basket.
I didn't mean to.
But I did and it made me cry.

Last week I watched as the neighbors across the street moved out.
Every day, for 4 days moving vans showed up and people loaded them up.
Furniture, clothes, toys and home goods came out of both doors-
the front and the back.

On Friday, before they left for the night
they placed a huge stack of stuff next to their garbage cans.
A dolls house with its roof smeared with magenta nail polish,
2 chairs and a table without its glass top,
a child's motorized car, something that looked like a hammock,
a broken bathroom vanity with a shell shaped sink and
a stack of Easter baskets...yellow, blue, pink and purple.

After they left I asked my husband did he want to go garbage picking with me.
Truth be told I had my eye on that doll house.
He said "I don't think that stuff is garbage".
I said "Yes it is..Look! it's all sitting next to the garbage cans".
We waited til dusk because, you know, um.....garbage picking.

That is when we saw that most if not all of this stuff was damaged in some way.
Like I said missing glass, smeared polish, broken wood.
But I saw that basket and it was purple and sparkly and I grabbed it.
We linked arms and sauntered back home in the very near dark
with my newly acquired basket looped over my arm.

Imagine my surprise when later that night the neighbors came back!
They brought back the van to finish loading the rest of their stuff!!
They loaded everything except that broken bathroom vanity and sink.

In my ear, as I watch them thru the living room curtains with one horrified eye,
my stupid husband whispers  "I told you it wasn't garbage."

Crap crap crap!
My entire body went hot then cold...I wanted to throw up.
I wanted to run it over to them quick but I was embarrassed.
Too embarrassed to admit that I had gone through their stuff.
Too embarrassed to admit that I had stolen their purple basket.
They packed up the rest of their "garbage" and left.
I don't know where they went nor do I even know their names.
But I have their sparkly purple basket.

My husbands whispered words made me feel even more shameful.
When our grown son came home, I told him what I had done.
I asked his advice...what would HE do with this basket?
He suggested giving it to the Goodwill Store.
NO! I yelled. I like it....I want to keep it.
Except it isn't mine...it doesn't belong to me.
I don't know how I will ever enjoy it now.

I felt ruined. I shoved that basket in a bag and put it
in the spare bedroom, refusing to look at it, trying not to think about it.
I prayed to GOD asking Him what to do about it.
I confessed it to my sister at our Bible study and cried when I told her.
She said that I hadn't taken it in a malicious manner, and she believed
that GOD would forgive me for it.
My husband said-"I bet they don't even know that it's missing".
My son agreed with him.
They both also guessed that this family would assume that
this basket had accidentally gotten thrown out or lost in the move.

God forgive me, but I started to believe them.
I had to or the guilt I felt would have eaten me alive.

I realize that this really is a small thing here...
I hadn't robbed their home. I had mistakenly assumed that their
junk sitting by the garbage cans was meant as trash.
If I could undo it I would.
If I had the chance to go back in time I swear I wouldn't take it.
I have learned my lesson well. Garbage picking isn't for me.

So now that I still have this basket...what do I do with it???
Will I ever be able to use it or enjoy it without feeling guilty?

What would YOU do?


>Spray paint this basket a lavender type of purple and add some sparkly glitter...and there you have it.

1 plus 3 = I hate math

My husband came home for lunch today at noon.
He walked in the door and complimented me on how nice my hair looked.
He wondered if I liked my hair cut, and said that I appeared happy.

My hair cut appointment is today at 2:30..... (sigh, men.)

I had just finished changing our 2 year old granddaughters diaper.
It is her 3rd diarrhea diaper of the morning....(sigh, kids.)
As I was changing her, I saw our 5 year old grandson sprinting
for the bathroom...sick with diarrhea himself...he didn't make it
to the bathroom in time...(sigh) more shitty laundry.
(lest you forget, my husband stated that I looked happy.
I assure you...I wasn't)

Got a call this morning from our other daughter.
She needs a sitter for 4 days next week.
Her babysitter got called out of town on a family emergency.
She wants to know if I can babysit for our 1 year old grandson.

So in case you're doing the math folks...
That means that THIS granny will be watching all 3 grandkids next week.

3 grandkids all at the same time.

3

Three

A one year old, a two year old and a 5 year old.

So let's DO that math, shall we?!?

There is 1 of me.
There are 3 of them.
I will be babysitting 1 girl and 2 boys for 4 days.
One will arrive at  7:00 am and stay til 6:00 pm
Two will arrive at 7:45 am and stay til 5:00 pm

2 of the grandkids still wear diapers.
1 of the grandkids has daily accidents in his undies.
They all feed themselves...give or take a few bites shoveled in by granny.
How many cans of Spaghettio's will I need? How many juice boxes?
They all constantly take off and lose their little socks.
They will all need more than 1 change of clothes during the day.
How many loads of laundry is that?

How many fights will I break up cuz  "He's not sharing?"
How many times will I say "It's her turn, now?"
How many times will I shout "Stop chasing those dogs?"
Where are your socks? Pick up your toys? Do you hear me?
Give it back?  Go Potty?  Spit that out!   No No NO!

And 1 final question-
Granny is going to the liquor store after she gets her hair cut.
She needs to buy more Pinot Grigio for next week.
By the time next Friday rolls around, approximately how many
glasses of wine will she have consumed each night after all 3 of
the grandkids have gone home?

Little Bunny Foo-foo

Last summer we found a baby bunny in our yard.
Adorable doesn't adequately describe it.
Our neighbor started feeding it little bits of lettuce.
He would set out leaves of Spinach or Romaine,
sometimes stalks of Celery or Carrots sticks.
Every morning the leavings would be gone.

We would stumble across it on occasion, hiding under the lilac bush.
Poor thing in a panicked and frozen state...
So still that even the dogs didn't notice it was hiding there.

It was fun to watch it getting bigger over the last months of Summer.
I always wondered where it's mama was.
It seemed too tiny to be all on its own.

When Autumn and then Winter came around,
I must admit that I forgot about it.
Until one day when the temperature was freezing
and the wind was blustery and the snow was flying.
Looking out the window at the snow coming down,
I saw it running, its ears flat back, over the frozen mounds of snow
While the shadow of the neighborhood hawk cruised over its head.

The next day while I was shoveling the driveway I see
a tiny little pile of what looks like coco puffs...Yep...bunny poops.
I have to tell you that I was thrilled to know that the hawk hadn't caught him.

I realize that Rabbits can do so much damage to plants and shrubs
But I was pulling for the little bugger to make it, to survive and thrive.

Last week I noticed a carcass on the road in front of our house.
I squinted through the window trying (hoping) to make out if it was a squirrel.
We have so many squirrels in our neighborhood and our road is so busy...
There is always a squirrel or two laying in the roadway.

But the fur was different. The shape was different. And I knew.
And it made me sad to think that it almost made it home.
It was 100 feet from it's little hidey-hole under the lilac bush.
So close to safety when a damned car took its life.
I was glad that at least the hawk hadn't taken it.

I watched as the city truck came along and scraped up
what was left of it and I have to tell you that I cried.
I cried over a silly little adorable bunny.

What's the moral to my story you ask?? I don't have one.
Easter is a few days away and there are cute pastel bunnies
and chocolate bunnies in every single store.
It feels like a constant reminder.

I want this story to have a happy ending.
I want there to be some sort of redemption.
But there isn't.
And I'm sorry that I told this story so close to Easter.

Todays happenings

Time seems to fly faster everyday. I last posted nearly 3 weeks ago!
Where does the time go??!!
My best friends dad says that for him it happens this way-
When he wakes up it is Monday morning so he eats breakfast
But by nightfall he is eating dinner and it is Friday
and that, he says, scares the crap outta him.

This morning our little dog is sick...I need to call the Vet for more meds.
She has a past history of Pancreatitis so this is just another flare up.

Weatherman said it will be 72 degrees outside today.
I can't wait to get these grandkids out into that fresh air!

I'm stuck in my prayer journey. I don't know how to get out of this rut I'm in.
I've been reading some devotionals but they aren't cutting it.
I've tried reading some other self help books but they aren't helping either.
A few years ago, Annette told me to start reading for pleasure...
Maybe it's time for me to give that a shot.
I did read The Humans and that was an excellent book.
Also I just checked out Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott.
On the cover it says "Some Instructions on Writing and Life".
I'll let you know how it goes with this one.

I hope everyone is doing well. I miss you guys!

Dear Birdie

Dear Birdie,
I read one of your favorite books...The Humans and I loved it.
I loved all 97 of his life instructions to Gulliver too.
That was a really great book.

Also, last night, before he fell asleep my husband was watching
some World War II documentary on TV.
Usually I skip that sort of program but somehow I got sucked in.
Suffice it to say I slept about 3 hours last night.
I could not stop thinking about what those poor people in Europe
went thru...The Jews, the Germans and the Russians.
The military personnel and the civilians.
The Men, Woman, & children.
They showed a picture of a little Dutch child in a hospital bed
looking straight at the camera. The child looked like a boy.
He looked like he was starving and indeed he was.
Right then and there I wanted to start praying for that little guy.
Ohhh I hope he makes it was a thought that went thru my head.
Then the next thought was  oh no, he's probably dead already.

Those stupid shows don't allow any closure for me.
My brain keeps asking the question-
Wait! What happened to these people? Where are they now?
There is no possible way on this Earth to get an answer to my questions.

It makes me feel empty and sad.

I normally don't watch any type of world news, ever. Past or present.
All it does is upset me and prevent me from sleeping.
My husband has said in the past that I'm keeping my head in the sand.
I don't care if I am, I tell him.
I think the media likes to keep our minds filled with horrific things.
It hurts me in my soul to view these images. It gives me insomnia.
It makes me feel helpless and afraid.
And it takes me an extraordinarily long time to remove these images
from my brain, to stop the movie from replaying in my mind.

I remember reading on your blog that you don't like watching the news either.
And as I tossed and turned and waited for sleep (which did not come)
I thought of you and wondered if you would've been sucked in by
this TV show or if you would've walked right back out of that room.
Cuz' believe me, I am regretting my decision this morning.

Grandkids are coming in the door and this Granny is crabby and tired
from no sleep. Wish us all luck today.

Lolly

Camp Happy Granny

My cousin, who is a Nanny stopped by today.
She came bearing gifts for my two grandkids.
She got right down on my dirty hardwood floors
And spoke to them from their eye level.
She feigned interest in them and their toys and their chatter
Or maybe it wasn't feigned interest and I am just a jerk.

Most days it's all I can do to get them to Please! Eat Something!!
And pick up their toys and GO POTTY!!!

I realize that I am isolated.....that I have isolated myself.
My two closest friends are a 5 year old and a two year old.
I know all of the current cartoon characters on TV and what time they are on.
Lunch for them is a string cheese, a juice box and a few Ritz crackers.
How they exist on that I have no idea.

This morning I tried oatmeal for the 5 year old.
He gagged and choked and threw up the one bite back into his full bowl.
The toast I made for them after that fed the cold and starving Squirrels
that live in our backyard along with a partially eaten Apple that the
2 year old insisted on, and then refused to eat after that first bite.

 It is -4 degrees today with a Wind Chill of -27.
As I type this I am in bare feet and a tank top and sweat pants.
My unwashed hair is in a ponytail cuz I woke up late and had no time to shower.
But the kids don't seem to notice, so no big whoop.
It only started to bother me when my cousin walked in.
Then I felt like I should have been showered and dressed and blow dried.
It really didn't appear to bother her though.
She was all about them kids...talking, playing, listening.
I should be like that I thought to myself.

And  2 seconds later, I realized that I AM LIKE THAT!
I am on the floor with them. I do play the games and build the puzzles.
I play with Thomas Trains and Dolls and play food.
We watch cartoons and movies and DVD's  Ad nauseam.
We practice our word picture flashcards and go to the library for books.

Most days I'm tired and exhausted and do not want to wipe one. more. butt.
But their eyes....Their eyes are full of life and sparks and wonder.
I apologize to them at the end of every day for yelling at them.
And every single morning they trip over themselves to get to me
as they are coming in the front door.

While trying to think up a title for this post, these were my thought choices-

Camp Happy Granny
Camp Granny's Fanny
Crabby Granny's Fat Camp
Granny's Crabby Fanny Camp
Crabby Granny's Fanny
Granny's Camp is Crabby
Crabby granny is a Fanny

I went with the first one.
Having the grandkids here everyday DOES make me happy.
It makes me crabby too, but seeing their bright shining faces
smiling back at me every morning makes it all worth it.

 I am a jerk. I am crabby. I am a fanny.

Thanks for listening to me rant Ad nauseam about my grandkids.

True Love

The other day I watched and listened as my beloved put away an opened bag of potato chips.
He'd roll the bag down then squeeze out the air. Roll, crackle crackle, squeeze, crunch crunch.
Hey! I screamed... you're breaking those chips into crumbs!

No I'm not he replied. I'm just trying to force out the air so they don't get stale.

He did this 4 times...roll,squeeze,roll,squeeze,roll,squeeze,roll,squeeze.
I could hear those delicious, crispy chips with the ridges busting into teeny tiny pieces.
Don't believe me??

I took a picture.
Every chip left in that bag was no bigger than a dime.
Who gives a shit if they're stale when they're all the size of a dime or smaller?
They're garbage either way.

This is what we do, him & I.... He aggravates me and I yell at him.
He crunches an entire bag of chips and I tell him to stop it.
I forget to make dinner and he says no big deal..we'll find something.
He shovels snow for 3 solid hours and I do laundry for six hours straight.
He works outside while I work inside.
He likes sweet things, I like salty.
He could eat beef with a side of beef and extra beef for dinner.
While I'm not a vegetarian, I prefer to eat veggies for dinner.

I LOVE rice, couscous, Quinoa. He doesn't. Refuses to eat it. Period.
He needs the fan blowing on him at night.  And. I. need. it. off.
(You'd think I would want it on due to these accursed hot flashes.
But NO! The sound of it whirring makes me nuts and keeps me from sleeping)

I've gained 40 pounds since we got married 32 years ago.
So has he but his weight gain doesn't bother me in the least.
My weight gain appears not to bother him either or so he says.

I like to drink 2 glasses of wine every night to relax.
He is sober but not recovered.
Don't get me wrong...he is 100% sober and so much better than he was 5 years ago.
But then again, I am so much better than I was 5 years ago too
(Thank you Alanon)

Today is Valentine's Day. A day to proclaim and celebrate Love.
We have no romantic plans and I'm ok with that.
I'm babysitting for our grandson who lives 45 minutes away from us
while he is staying home to replace our awful bathroom floor.

We've done life together since 1981, married since 1983.

It took us a looonnnngggg time to get comfortable with each other.
It took us a long ass time to forgive each other
and an even longer time relearning how to love each other well.

Believe it or not, riding our Harley helped us with that.
For some reason being on that thing brings us closer
to each other and closer to nature.
Some of the things we've seen have Wowed us.

One time the color of the sky at sunset looked like pink cotton candy.
The amazing colors we've seen during Autumn or the way the top of the corn stalks
glistened and sparkled in the sun like gold glitter...
Feeling the temperature change when riding thru a grove of pine trees
and the smell...omg but the smell of pine trees is amazing when you're on a Harley.
So was that field of strawberries we rode past.

We ride for a weekend in the summer and spend the night in a hotel
feeling the cool sheets on our sunburned arms and faces
and realize how blessed and lucky we are to have each other
and the time and the funds to do this sort of thing.

We ride past broken down, dilapidated and empty farms
and I wonder what happened to the people living there.
I wonder what the last straw was for them...Finances? Hate? Apathy?
Him and I have gone through it all together.
Bankruptcy, unfaithfulness, separation, alcoholism, death of a child, job loss.

And through it all, I loved him and still wanted to be with him.
But it wasn't easy.
Some of those years we were so hateful and so hard on each other!








It just took us a while to figure out that we'd rather do life together than apart.
Thank You Jesus for nearly 32 years with this man of mine.