Never say never

Holidays come and go, friends come and go, Blogs and bloggers come and go. That's just life, I guess. Always and forever moving forward. Always changing, always needing to change. With that being said..the same goes for me. I feel that my life will be better served if I try to write my thoughts into my journal pages instead of here on this blog page. I don't want to keep posting about Alanon and I haven't quite figured out what else I want to post about. Maybe it's time for me to move on; to find a different way to write about my life and how God is changing me. Never say never....I might be back. All depends on what I find to write about or whine about or whatev. You get my drift. Blessings to all. Thanks for stopping by. Thanks for reading these words.  Lolly

CT

My 3 children were in high school when the Columbine shooting happened. After that I worried about bad things happening to them until they were all out of high school. My husband was an active Fire Fighter when the Twin Towers fell in NYC. From then on I worried about him whenever he went to work, but in a different way than I had before. My daughter was a student at NIU when a shooting happened on that campus February 14th and for the next two years anxiety ruled her life as she continued her studies there. I learned after that to become more anxious myself. My son was a student at SIU when gun violence erupted at the Virginia Tech campus. He was 8 hours away from home and I worried about him every single day. Today, my daughter is a grade school teacher in Illinois. And I am worried again. We don't now nor have we ever lived in Colorado, New York, Dekalb IL, Virginia or Connecticut. But I gotta tell ya....it doesn't and didn't make me any less sad or grief stricken for other parents or any less afraid and anxious for my kids safety. This latest thing in Connecticut????  It proves to me that I am not a writer. I've read the posts of my favorite bloggers and have been rendered mute, awestruck, and moved to tears by the heartfelt emotion I've experienced coming from their souls. After I read this one, and this one, and then this one, I started crying and have yet to stop. I did not know any of those sweet little kids, but my heart feels broken just the same. Their words are exactly the words that are written on my heart and I didn't know how to put my own heart thoughts into written form. I am struggling to type out even this post. Maybe it's true what she says....maybe my silence is my way of grieving. Maybe I'm not supposed to put my thoughts to words. Maybe, for this, I am supposed to just feel the grief and process it a different way. My daughter? The one who was at the NIU campus?? She teaches 3rd grade. I can only imagine how she feels. I've talked with her of course, but still and all....it's gotta be difficult to  actually be in a classroom after something like this happens. She says that on Friday, when she heard the news of the shooting at lunch time, her kids were coming back in from lunch recess, and all she could do was stare at them. Their little 8 year old faces. And she told me that she just could not imagine anything like what happened in Connecticut happening in her own classroom.  She talked about their cute little innocent faces, all red cheeked with the cold as they came through the door of the classroom. She talked about the upcoming winter break and how the kids were already going stir crazy knowing that Christmas was only days away, how they were excited and loud, and  boisterous. She talked about her own fears of what she, herself would do in a situation like Sandy Hook. And both of us cried. For the loss of life of those little children. And then she kept crying because she's stressed and over scheduled. On Friday she and her husband are leaving for their honeymoon and she needs to pack and do laundry and she needs to lesson plan and grade report cards and clean her house and mail out Christmas cards. And I comforted this daughter of mine. Do what you can I tell her. Don't stress about cleaning the house or sending out those Christmas cards. Pack your bags and get ready to go on a much deserved vacation. On a much needed vacation. I don't think I helped her very much though. My daughter is a worrier. It's what she does. She learned from the best.

Wait....

Wait...I want to exchange my miracle...is it too late to exchange it for something else? Can I ask for something else instead of Christmas presents? I feel horrible, in more ways than one, thinking that I needed a miracle for gifts, when some other mother was praying for her own kind of miracle...
Sometimes, there are no words....

Miracles

So my sister and I do a Bible study every Thursday. In the last year we've done a whole series of Bible studies by the Women of Faith Study Guides. We noticed that each study guide, no matter the title or subject, ended by asking us to tell "our story" to the other Bible study members. "Our story" meaning how we, as individuals, found ourselves or our way back to Jesus. Well, since it's just her and I, it got a little repetitive to say the least. After we finished the final chapter, we'd just look at each other and then I'd say..."Do you really want to hear that part of my story again?" It became a joke between us. Kept us laughing and Bible study light hearted anyway. (I know, we sound like a couple of good times girls, don't we?? Laughing at ourselves and making jokes about our stories of how we found Jesus...Hot Damn! We're having some fun now!) So we decided to try a different type of Bible study. Something with a little more depth to it. Something that made us think a little bit more, something that really made us dig into the chapters of the Bible; to really find some meaning and insight. What we ended up choosing was Forgiven by Josh and Sean McDowell. Last week was chapter one. Two paragraphs in to chapter 1 we discovered that this was no easy peasy Bible study. "Oh, man" my sister says. "This is gonna be hard to do." Ya, no shit, I'm thinking to myself.  We struggled to get through chapter 1. It took us the better part of 2 hours. This is not feeling light hearted and fun anymore. But we kept pushing through the hard parts and yesterday we found ourselves at chapter two. Miracles. Chapter 2 is about miracles. The study guide has us read about the 3 separate miracles that Jesus performed. The first is His healing the sight of the blind man, the second is Him changing the jars of water into wine at the wedding and the third is Jesus bringing his best friend Lazarus back to life. In the middle of this study on miracles, the book suggests that we discuss with each other a problem we are experiencing in our lives right now and for us to ask for a miracle for ourselves. So, I tell my sister that we have more bills than money right now and that Christmas is gonna be real, real, lean this year. I need to grocery shop but I have no money until next week Friday. I also need to Christmas shop but if I can't buy food, I certainly can't buy presents! So together, her and I, we hold hands and pray for a miracle for me. Just a small one. I ask Jesus for a miracle regarding Christmas and buying presents and we ask Him if He can find a way to help me in this. And here is the answer I got to this my prayer of mine for a miracle.....
After Bible study, I headed to our local department store.  My daughter has asked for a tea pot for Christmas and I wanted to check out the prices on them. Tucked into my purse is a $5 gift card that we got for filling a prescription at this store. As I made my way down the aisle I saw an end cap that had 2 pair of children's mittens for $2 and a sign above it said 50% off. My grandson had no mittens the other day when he came over and his little hands were sooo cold. So I grab them (2 for the price of 1) and keep going. A few aisles over I find the tea pot. It is $9.99. I add up the purchases in my head, add a little tax, and figure that it's gonna cost roughly $11.00 and some change to buy these things.  Now also at this department store, they have what they call Reward Points. Every time we shop there, we get a percentage back as rewards for, well, shopping there. My Hubs gets his prescriptions at this store, so we usually have a few points to use towards future purchases. So with this in mind, I head to the checkout counter. The nice lady rings me up, asks me do I want to use my reward points and enters in the amount we have in our rewards account. Next I hand her my $5 gift card and she adds that to my transaction. When the cash register finally totals up everything, my cost is......are ya ready for this ???
39 cents. This is what I owe the department store. 39 cents.  39 cents for a tea pot and two pairs of mittens. And I can barely hold in my glee. I almost  pee'd myself. It felt like such an answer to my prayer. I practically ran out to my car so I could call my sister. "You'll never believe this", I shout to her on my phone! So I tell her my whole story and the both of us agree that, YES!, it is indeed an answer to our prayer. It is a tiny little Christmas miracle. Just enough of a miracle to help us both see Him and His answer in the middle of this prayer of ours. A tiny little miracle to remind us to keep the focus on Him this holiday season. I know it may seem like such a  little miracle, but for me, for her, it WAS a miracle none the less. We asked Him to give us one and He did. He does indeed answer prayer and sometimes, He throws in a tiny little miracle because two sisters needed Him to, because two sisters asked Him to. And I am grateful for it.

I've got a secret

I've got a secret board on Pinterest. A board no one else can see but me. I call it  My God moments. As in My God not OH MY God!. It's beautiful pictures and amazing quotes and Bible verses (that can stop me in my tracks); that "speak" to me about God and His grace and the Universe and my place in it. I don't want to share this board with anyone. I like keeping it secret. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy and a little bit holy when I look at what I have pinned to this board. So why then, if it's a secret, am I telling you about it?? I don't know. It's been a while since I blogged and I really don't have much to say. It was  the first thing that popped into my head and I just started typing.  Ellen over at Sweetwater blogged today about ordinary life. She says ....."Sometimes daily life stuff doesn’t seem like much to write about. But that is what I am doing over here. Just daily life."   
Same here. Ordinary life. Daily life. And really, that feels pretty darn good. Nothing new to blog about isn't necessarily a bad thing. It may make for a boring blog post, but I'll take boring over burned out. I'll take mundane over meltdown. Serenity over sadness. God's grace and forgiveness over shame and anger.  Secret Pinterest boards about holiness over secrets that hurt and damage your soul.
The house is decorated for Christmas and I've got half of the presents bought. Got a load of towels in the washer and I need to go to the store and get Kleenex and paper towels. Hasn't snowed yet this season and I am hoping to have a white Christmas. Hubs is at work, Chihuahuas are sleeping, beds are made.....plain, old, ordinary life. And I've never felt better about that in my whole life.
See??? That's Gods grace. And it feels amazing! Peace and serenity and a secret Pinterest board that reminds me of what's holy in this life, what's holy in MY life. My plain, old, ordinary life. I am so blessed!

Fever

I got to my Tuesday night meeting 20 minutes late. The grand youngin' has a fever and wants his Nanny to stay home. He cries and it breaks my heart to leave him. So I sit with him for a few extra minutes, knowing that I will be forgiven for being late. I am glad to be at this meeting. I had skipped it last week. I so enjoy being with this group. The sharing that is done by all and the friendships that have been formed are soothing to my soul. But because I was so late I had missed the first half of the Lead's speech. I soon realized that it was about Step 10-
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
We go around the room to share our stories and thoughts and I was going to be at the end of the line so to speak, but I still felt lost. I felt rushed and flummoxed. Started to feel a little panicky because I didn't have anything to add to the conversation. Nothing was coming to my mind. I had nothing to say. Wait. Let me type that again. I. Had. Nothing. To. Say. Boom!
I grabbed my Courage to Change and started flipping through the index looking for a good page about the 10th step. Nuttin'. Crap! What am I gonna do?? I was racking my brain....c'mon, c'mon..... and still I had nothing to add. It was getting closer to my turn. Only 3 more people to share before me, wow, that was quick, now only 2 more to go until it's my turn... I can feel that I am anxious....my mind has reached a fevered pitch....searching, searching for something, anything to say... now it's Bob's turn.....and he chooses to pass. He passes!!!   And a split second before I open my mouth to say something completely stupid or irrelevant on account of I really hadn't been listening to anybody 'cuz I was so worried about my own thoughts and what I was gonna say, I realize that I too can pass. Just like Bob. Bing! Just like that I realize that I too can pass when it is my turn to share. I don't always have to open my mouth to say something. Which is one of my biggest defects, the feeling like I always gotta add my two cents to the conversation. And you know what?? It was a relief. I felt relieved when I heard myself say that I was gonna pass. I apologized for being late, explained about the sick grandson and the fever and his wanting his Nanny to stay with him and then I passed. And it felt good to do it. Like a cold wash cloth feels on your head when you have a fever; like a sigh of relief.
My only regret of the night was that I hadn't really heard a word of what the others had said about Step 10. So here is my share about Step 10. I'm sorry that I missed all of the shares at my Tuesday night meeting and I promise to be a better listener in the future. I will try to remember that I can learn from listening to you all and I can pass and not share and that that is ok with all of you too.
And with that I'll pass.

Thankful anyway

I believe Ann Voskamp said it.....
"You only know how to give thanks always when you know how to give thanks, anyway".  

Holidays make the Hubs crazy. My guess is that it brings back too many memories for him of what it was like growing up in that crazy atmosphere. Celebrating any holiday, really, makes him edgy and well, sometimes just plain mean. He shuts down and becomes reclusive. Thanksgiving at my sister's house finds him sitting alone in the living room while the rest of us are in the dining room and or kitchen. Sometimes he "hides" in plain sight...standing outside using his I-phone or sitting in her garage smoking cigarettes or reading a magazine or a newspaper that he has brought along. Yes. He brings along something to read or otherwise occupy himself when we go to family parties. That way he can maintain the distance he feels he needs to keep people from getting too close to him. So he can say " See?? No one talks to me. I am always alone at your family's parties. No one cares about me". This used to bother me in past years. Pretty much had myself jumping thru hoops back then trying to insure that he had a nice holiday. Running around like crazy, trying to make everything perfect so he would be happy and not drink but it always ended up with both of us being miserable. Me because I was emotionally exhausted from trying to please a man who was unpleasable. Him because he was just plain miserable without a drink in his hand so he would invent reasons to make his drinking necessary. I would say to him  "Hon, foods done, come and get a plate. Whatcha doin' out here by yourself? Don't you want to watch football with the other guys? Can I get you anything? You feeling ok? Did you eat yet? Whaddya mean did I save you any potatoes? Why didn't you get a plate of food when I told you to? Do you wanna go home?" 
Ugh!!! All those years of trying to read his mind and  anticipate what he wanted or needed when all he wanted was to feel sorry himself. When all he really wanted was a damn drink. He would cause just enough of a rift between us with his attitude or his nasty comments that he would have his drink and have an excuse and a reason and a person to blame it on, so that when his drink became drinks and he became drunk it was never his fault. Does that make any sense to you ??  It does to me. And it makes me cringe thinking back on all those years of being so miserable and not knowing what was wrong with him or me or how to fix it or us. Thank God for Alanon. Saved me from myself if nothing else. Saved me from wearing myself out trying to please him when in truth nothing was going to do that. So these past 2 Thanksgivings have been pretty good for me at least. I'm not sure if he has had a good time or not. I know that I did and in the end that 's all I can ask for. I am responsible for my happiness and I am not at fault or going to take the blame if he is still unhappy or feeling reclusive at our family gatherings. I am thankful for him and my family and our kids and grand kids and for being healthy and having a home and a car and groceries.....etc. I have learned to be thankful anyways, no matter what's happening in our lives. 
Christmas will be here before we know it and I have been bitten by the Christmas spirit. So I'm off to get my house decorated. I'll check back in later. Thanks for reading.

May we, please?

Here's hoping that you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends. And in regards to the prayer below, can I just say Amen??   Amen.

May we be the blessing today and not the curse.
May we encourage one another towards an abundant life.
May we seek peace and reconciliation in our own hearts and with the hearts of those around us.
May we live humbly.
May we give people, all people; our family, our friends, our neighbors, our communities and our leaders, the benefit of the doubt.
May we let LOVE lead us.
May we let generosity guide our actions.
May we stand for what Christ stood for or rather stand with those whom Christ stands with. ALL.
May we get down off our fences and high posts and come down into the level ground, into the open space where all truly live.
May we dwell in this fertile ground where our lives WILL eventually turn outward toward others.
May we allow our focus to turn from me to them to you and finally to us.
May we live united.
May we seek SHALOM.
May we be reminded of the image of God in all of our lives.
May we seek communion with all.
May we be the blessing not the curse.

 Melissa Greene 

Samson and Delilah

Two weeks ago Friday, I had typed the first paragraph of a post about my new hair cut. I really thought that I had something to say about the way it made me feel. Strong, powerful, fifty and fabulous! Was even gonna try and somehow compare my lobbed off tresses to the biblical story of Samson and Delilah. I bet it would have been a great post. But I'll never know. Cuz right then, real life stepped in. Our beautiful gray cat, Baby, started to look sickly. Started acting strange. And I knew, within a matter of minutes what was happening or rather what was going to happen fairly soon.
 Baby started acting sick. She sort of stumbled when she walked. She wasn't eating. She was gasping for air. And I remembered that she was 13 years old. The same age our other cat Fluffy had been. And since the poor baby hated going to the Vet, my daughter and I decided to let her pass on at home so she wouldn't be traumatized by the car ride. We tried to feed her all her favorite things....bacon, potato chips, a saucer of milk. She wanted nothing but to be left alone. And that was something that we just couldn't do. Leave her alone. We could tell that she was uncomfortable, that she couldn't find a position that allowed her to lay down and breathe at the same time. And we felt so helpless.  We took turns being with all day long. Petting her, crooning nonsense words to her, trying to make her feel better when actually it was ourselves that needed the comforting. Finally after 8 hours of watching her struggle she laid herself down and breathed her last. I ugly cried after that. Felt to me like I was howling. Probably wasn't actually howling tho it felt like it at the time. Losing an animal is always so hard for me. I hate the hole that their absence leaves behind. And sometimes I hate that Rainbow Bridge. Well meaning friends have in the past, sent me copies of it or have posted on my Facebook page the Rainbow Bridge poem and I know that they mean well, but I am usually so upset and sad about my pet's passing that reading this poem doesn't comfort me in the least. In fact it usually makes me cry harder. So with that being said, I have not read that poem nor have I watched the video that I linked to this post. I've watched it in the past and I bawled the whole time. So life goes on and my house is a little quieter now. Baby was a vocal cat...always meowing and chirping at us. I will miss the sound of her voice and the sound of her squeaky purring. I will miss her one gray toe and her beautiful green expressive eyes. I will miss her dander but I won't miss the sneezing. I will miss calling her name and having her respond by peaking her head around the corner as if to say "Did you call for me"?  God Speed to that Rainbow Bridge Baby. Tell Mojo and Fluffy that I said hi and that I think of them and miss them every single day. Gonna go ugly cry now. I'll be back later.

The ABC's of me

Found this on the internet so I did it just for fun. What about you? Wanna play?

The ABC’s of me:

Age:  50

Bed Size:  Queen

Chore I Hate:  Folding socks

Dogs:  Chihuahua’s. We have 2. Chico and Makena

Essential to start my day:  Coffee and Devotional readings

Favorite Color:  Chocolate Brown

Gold or Silver:  Gold

Height:  5’3”

Instrumental to have in my life: God's grace

Job Title:  Grandma

Kids:  2 daughters living, 1 daughter deceased, 1 son

Live:  Illinois

Month I was born:  September

Nicknames:  He calls me Babe

Overnight hospital stays:  6

Pet Peeves: Lying and public drunkeness

Quote from a movie:  Gustav! You horrible little snipe! From Ever After

Right or Left Handed:  Right

Siblings:  2 sisters living, 1 sister deceased, 1 brother

Time it takes me to get ready:  About an hour. Start to finish.

Ultimate Vacation:  Italy

Vegetable I hate:  Artichokes. And Tomatoes. I know that they're a fruit, but whatever.

What makes me run late: Having a bad hair day. And him. He always runs late.

X-rays I’ve had:  Dental and a chest x-ray once. Oh and mammograms.

Yummy food that I make: Roasted Pork and Apples and a warm Cherry Crisp to die for!

Zoo animal:  Polar bears. Especially baby ones.

When the words won't come

What do you do when the words won't come? How do you pray for people in the midst of a storm when you've never been through that kind of a storm before? What do you pray for when you hear of the horrific things that have happened to people in the middle of that storm? Are my words, thoughts and prayers enough? Is anything I ever pray for really going to be enough of a balm to someone else's injured spirit? Can I really pray long enough and hard enough to ease someone's sorrow?? This morning I heard on the news that 2 small children, ages 2 and 4, had died during Hurricane Sandy. Their mother had been driving with them in the family minivan through flooded streets when the van stalled. As she exited the car both boys were swept out of her arms by rushing flood water. I cannot imagine her horror. I cannot wrap my brain around the enormity of what that did to her. I can imagine the keening howl of a mother, and I can imagine that that keening howl would have rivaled the howling sound of a hurricanes wind. I usually don't watch the news so I have to wonder what it is that God wants me to learn from this, since He showed me this and since today is one of the few days that I did turn the news on.  What's the lesson? What is He trying to show me? What does He want me to use this for?? Why show me something so gut wrenching??  I have buried a child. I know how that part feels. I know how it feels to have those dreams about what she would have been like as an adult, or who she would have looked like, Mom or Dad? or what her first word might have been. My child never looked at me or her Daddy. Never uttered a sound or got to cry for her Mama because she was scared or tired or hungry or lonely. She never got to walk or have a first tooth or even take her first breath. But my child wasn't washed away in flood waters. My full term child died 12 hours before she was born. My child died in her own amniotic waters. So what is the question that He is  trying to get me to think about? Is the question which situation is worse?? A child dying before they were born or a child dying before their 5th birthday? Is it worse never knowing the color of their eyes or the sound of their voice or the smell of their hair ? Or perhaps it would be worse not being able to forget the color of their eyes or hearing their voice or smelling their hair? I only lost one child. She lost two. At the same time. Neither one of us had a choice in the matter. And I can tell you that in my case, praying did nothing to rid me of my anguish. I begged. I pleaded, I keened. Maybe there is no comparison. Maybe I should just pray for that Mama. But the words won't come. And all I want to do is cry. For her. For her and her unbearable loss. Lord....please........Give me the words.

Grace and Light

I light a candle everyday during my morning prayer time. Usually it is a scented candle that matches the decor in my living room and has something to do with the season we're in or an upcoming holiday. Lighting a candle also helps to dispense with the darkness that this time of year brings and makes the room feel warmer and somehow more cozy. Somewhere I heard that the candles flame signifies the light of God. So I also light my candle as a way of reminding myself to let the Light of God into my home.  And each time a lit candle catches your eye, you are supposed to say a prayer for peace in your home. I love this idea. Kinda like asking for God's grace and light to shine down on me and mine. And if God's grace and light comes with the added bonus of smelling like Pumpkin Spice or Autumn Leaves well then I consider myself twice blessed!
(I know the picture is blurry. It was the best that I could do.)

31 days of prayer 31

Day 31

 Finally! Day 31! What a relief. Blogging for 31 straight days was a lot harder for me than I thought it was gonna be. I have to admit that at the end, it did seem to pick up a little bit of momentum. I thought that the posts and the prayers were getting much better than in the very beginning. So, do I have a wonderful, heartfelt, knock your socks off kinda prayer to end this series with??? Nope. I went with simple. Sometimes simple is best. I'll keep blogging, but you'll forgive me if I retreat a little bit, yes? I like this blogging thing much better when I don't feel so much pressure to find something to post about. So until next time...here ya go...the final prayer for the 31 days of prayer-

Here are the two best prayers I know: 
'Help me, help me, help me' and
 'Thank you, thank you, thank you.' 

Anne Lamont

31 days of prayer 30

Day 30

Love that first line, don't you?? Trying to fix other people's problems that AREN'T mine to fix. This prayer is a good reminder to me to keep my mouth closed. So often I believe that I know the right way a person should act or speak or behave. What makes me always think that I know it all?


Dear Lord, forgive me for trying to fix other people's problems when they are not mine to fix. Today, I'm committing to watch, to listen, to pray, and to love. Help me not to get in Your way of what You are doing in someone else's life. In Jesus' Name, Amen. 
By Sharon Jaynes

31 days of prayer 29

Day 29
Yes Lord. Please do. Heal me. I am all of this and more. Bless me with your comfort and silence. And thank You very much!


Dear God,
I resist meditation, I resist prayer, I resist my spiritual practice at times, for I am not comfortable with the empty spaces.
I know, dear God, that I am out of balance with my spiritual nature.
I need to be healed.
Please heal me.
Bring me to the silence within myself, and give me comfort there.
Show me the fierce and quiet center of Your love, which is within me.
Thank You very much.
Amen.
- from Illuminata by Marianne Willamson

31 days of prayer 28

Day 28

For all of those in the path of Hurricane Sandy:

Before the Storm
God of heaven and earth,
Source of All,
The storm approaches,
A tribute to the force of creation,
Your power and might.

What chaos will blow with the wind?
What destruction will strike?
Who will suffer? Who will stay secure?

God of mystery and awe,
Grant us safety as the tempest engulfs our homes and our lives.
Protect us. Shield us. Guard us.
Grant peace of mind to those in fear.
Grant food and clothing,
Warmth and shelter to those in need.
Bless emergency and rescue workers with the tools and skills they need
As they risk their lives for the sake of our families, communities and friends.
Grant healing to those who are sick or injured.
Bless us with common sense throughout the squall [the wind, the rain and the tides]
And with kinship and cooperation when the storm [hurricane] passes.

God of awe and wonder,
Our Rock and our Refuge,
See us through the gale
And watch us through the night,
For comfort, security and well being,
So that we may serve You in love.

© 2012 Alden Solovy 

31 days of prayer 27

Day 27
Thankful and grateful for a sunny day. And thankful that me and mine live in the midwest and not on or near the east coast. Sending out prayers for all of those in the path of the storm.


Morning Prayer 
By Rev. Elliot Rothschild

Let me awaken every morning and be thankful for 
what the universe has brought me 
Let me awaken every morning knowing 
Things are as they are meant to be 
Let me awake every morning knowing life is a 
Journey and I am just part 
Let me awaken every morning knowing 
The day will bring challenges, 
Opportunities and learning experiences 
Let me awaken every morning with 
Self-love and self-acceptance 
So that I may be more tolerant of myself  
and others 
Let me awaken every morning with  an 
Open heart, so love may rush in and 
Out like the tide of the mighty ocean 
Let me awaken every morning trusting 
My higher wisdom to guide me, even 
When I am afraid or can not see. 

31 days of prayer 26

Day 26
Author Unknown to me. But this could have been written about me...

Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from the craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details - give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for the grace to listen to the tales of others pains.  Help me to endure them in patience.

But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they are increasing, and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet.  I do not want to be a saint -- some of them are so hard to live with --

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people.

And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so. 

Make me thoughtful, but not moody;  helpful, but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all - but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends in the end.

Amen

31 days of prayer 25

Day 25

This is a long one, but it is so totally worth it. Gave me lots of peace at the end.
Just. Be . Still.

God Speaks to Man: The Vision of Enoch: Inspirational Prayer

I speak to you. Be still. Know I am God. I spoke to you When you were born. Be still. Know I am God. I spoke to you At your first sight. Be still. Know I am God. I spoke to you. At your first word. Be still. Know I am God. I spoke to you. At your first thought. Be still. Know I am God. I spoke to you At your first song. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the grass of the meadows. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the trees of the forests. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the valleys and the hills Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the Holy Mountains Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the rain and the snow Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the waves of the sea. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the dew of the morning. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the peace of the evening. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the splendor of the sun. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the brilliant stars. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the storm and the clouds. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the thunder and lightning. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you Through the mysterious rainbow Be still. Know I am God. I will speak to you When you are alone Be still. Know I am God. I will speak to you Through the Wisdom of the Ancients Be still. Know I am God. I will speak to you At the end of time. Be still. Know I am God. I will speak to you When you have seen my Angels. Be still. Know I am God. I will speak to you Throughout Eternity. Be still. Know I am God. I speak to you. Be still. Know I am God.

Read more: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/Inspirational-Prayers.html#ixzz2AKXdQJaL

31 days of prayer 24

Day 24

Today I had planned to put up Ann Voskamp's Blogger Prayer. And yesterday, this is what her blog was all about!! How crazy is that?? This site!! Oh, man, this site!! Love, love, love Ann Voskamp. Love her blog A Holy Experience. Love her book One Thousand Gifts too. I could stay on her blog page and read all day long. But since I've got stuff to do today, I'll leave you with  her blogger prayer.

A Prayer for Bloggers

I am no longer my own blogger, but Yours.

Refine me with each post how You will, rank me how You will.

Put me to service, put me to suffering.

Let me be a follower — instead of seeking followers
Let me post for You —  or be put aside for You,

Lifted high, only for You, or brought low, all for You.

Do with me and each post whatever You will, because You alone know best.

Let me not strive but submit
Let me not compete but care
Let me not desire hits but holiness

Let my blog be full of You, and let it be empty of me.
Let me crave all things of You, let me care nothing of this world.
Let my words be focus only on the greatest of audiences: You.
And You are enough.

May I write not for subscribers… but only for Your smile.
May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement not the size of my audience.
May my identity be in the innumerable graces of Christ, never, God forbid, the numbers of my comments.
May the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen — but the ones I live with my skin.

I freely and heartily yield every sentence, every title, every post, every comment… or no comments… all to Your pleasure and perfect will.

My only fame is that I bear your name
My only glory is the gift of Your Grace
My only readership, Your eyes that seek to and fro to find
Make this so. Lord…

Yawhew, you alone are my God, not Google
Jesus, you alone are my Savior, not sitemeters
And Holy Spirit, you alone are my Comforter, not comments

So be it, today, yesterday, and every post to come.

O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
thou art mine, and I am thine.

This is my prayer I have made on earth, over this keyboard…
let it be ratified in heaven.

In Jesus’ Name…. Amen.

31 days of prayer 23

Day 23

  I babysit for my fabulous grandson 4 to 5 days a week. He is 2. And a half. He is getting ready to take on the age of 3 and the world at the same time.  He seriously is one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. And this feeling of being a grandparent and loving a grandchild is so different and so much better than loving your own kids. Most days the Sun rises and sets for this beautiful little guy. However, yesterday he locked me out of the house. Yep. Locked out. With no key. Not that a key would have even helped. He slid the floor bolt closed. I heard the floor bolt slide right into its casing as I was reaching for the door. Through the window I could see him smiling at me with his perfect little white Chicklet teeth. He was laughing even. I, on the other hand, went into panic mode in about 2 seconds! Started screaming at him to open the door...OPEN THIS DOOR!!! Patrick! Open this door!! And he laughed some more. So I started banging on the door and the glass while I was screaming at him to  OPEN. THE. DOOR!!
I figured if he knew how to slide the bolt home, he would know how to pull it back out. And I was right. He did know how to unlock the door. It was only for a minute (felt like an hour) that I was locked out of the house, but I learned my lesson well. From now on Grandpa can take the garbage out when he gets home from work and I'll keep myself inside with my grandyoungin'. So here is today's prayer:

31 days of prayer 22

Day 22

31 days of prayer 21

Day 21

I didn't sleep well last night. So this morning when I was searching for a prayer to post for today, I found this one.

Watch dear Lord, with those who wake

Or watch, or work or weep tonight,                                           

And give your angels charge

Over those who sleep.

Tend your sick ones, O Lord God

Rest  to your weary ones.

Bless your dying ones.

Soothe your suffering ones.

Pity your afflicted ones.

Shield your joyous ones.

All for your love’s sake.

Amen     ~St. Augustine

31 days of prayer 20

Day 20

Thank You God for everything. Amen

31 days of prayer 19

Day 19

A friend's daughter is stranded in an airport 3,000 miles from home. She is alone and tired and hungry. Let's all say a prayer for safe travels for Kate today. Thank you Holley Gerth for your amazing words.

Lord, Thank you for the one reading these words right now. You know her name, her needs, her heart.

I pray you would give her what she needs most.

Bring peace that settles her soul and brings calm to her life.

Fill her with joy that bubbles up from deep inside again.

Provide hope that sees her through to the plans you have for her.

Surround her with love every step of this journey.

Most of all, give her more of you. I'm so glad you're with her right now and that you will be always. Amen

31 days of prayer 18

Day 18
When our desire to be understood begins to cause divisiveness…we simply must let it go. It’s good to clear up confusion, but to belabor a point is…well, pointless…and hurtful. God knows our hearts and motivations and sometimes we just have to smile and move on. It’s a practice in extending grace, don’t you think? Patrica @PollywogCreek

Every ungracious moment means someone doesn’t understand grace.  Ann Voskamp


A Prayer for Grace-
O my God and my all, 
in Thy goodness and mercy, 
grant that before I die 
I may regain all the graces 
which I have lost through my carelessness and folly. 

Permit me to attain the degree of merit and perfection 
to which Thou didst desire to lead me, 
and which I failed by my unfaithfulness to reach. 

Mercifully grant also that others regain the graces 
which they have lost through my fault. 
This I humbly beg through the merits 
of the Sacred Heart of Jesus 
Amen

31 days of prayer 17

Day 17


When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

"It Is Well with My Soul" is a hymn penned by hymnist Horatio Spafford and composed by Philip Bliss.

Some days, ah..not so much. But today?  Yes. It is well.

31 days of prayer 16

Day 16

Sometimes I don't need to add my perspective at all. The words of a prayer can be, and are, enough.

Dear God, May my spirit be reborn that I might be a better person.

I give You my shame over whom I have sometimes been,

 and my hopes  for whom I wish to be. Please receive them both. Amen

31 days of prayer 15

Day 15

Our beautiful little Chihuahua, Makena, is sick, again! I wish that the Vet could find the cause of her illness. I will be calling the Vet just as soon as they open this morning. Maybe Makena needs a different type of antibiotic. I'm frustrated, anxious and nervous. I just want her well again.
Here is today's prayer.....

Heavenly Father,
Please help us in our time of need,
You have made us stewards of Makena.
If it is Your will, please restore her
to health and strength.
I pray too for other animals in need.
May they be treated with the care and respect
deserving of all Your creation.
Blessed are You Lord God,
and holy is Your name for ever and ever. 
Amen.
Basilica and Shrine of Our Lady of Consolation.

31 days of prayer 14

Day 14

By Maya Angelou

Father, Mother, God,
Thank you for your presence
during the hard and mean days.
For then we have you to lean upon.
Thank you for your presence
during the bright and sunny days,
for then we can share that which we have
with those who have less.
And thank you for your presence
during the Holy Days, for then we are able
to celebrate you and our families
and our friends.
For those who have no voice,
we ask you to speak.
For those who feel unworthy,
we ask you to pour your love out
in waterfalls of tenderness.
For those who live in pain,
we ask you to bathe them
in the river of your healing.
For those who are lonely, we ask
you to keep them company.
For those who are depressed,
we ask you to shower upon them
the light of hope.
Dear Creator, You, the borderless
sea of substance, we ask you to give to all the
world that which we need most—Peace.