Saturday, February 11, 2017

What if

Feb. 11th

Something you always think "What If"... about

Good Lord! but isn't this prompt going to open up a can of worms!
I could "What If" myself into a mental institution.
As a person who lives with anxiety- "What If" is my daily mantra.

My daughter was 10 minutes late picking up the grandkids.
What if she has been in a car accident?
My grandson is sometimes the last kid to come out of school at the end of the day and I wait in dread.
What if he doesn't come out? Where is he? Is he sick, injured, stuffed in a locker, missing?
Neither of my girls can physically have any more children.
What if, heaven forbid, one of the grandkids dies? How will we all bare that kind of loss?
What if that colonoscopy comes back with bad news?
What if a tornado obliterates our home?
What if the airplane my son is on crashes?
What if I accidentally left that candle burning?
What if I can't remember my passwords?
What if my wallet gets stolen?
What if I can't find my phone?

And on and on it goes.
Isn't it silly? Isn't it awful? Isn't it a huge waste of my time and energy?
Yes! to all of the above.
And yet...isn't it strange for me to say I am afraid and filled with anxiety and in the next breath tell you about my God and how I love Him and trust Him? About how I believe that He cares for me, and that He shows me His grace, His mercy, His love, His forgiveness, His redemption, His comfort?
Where is my faith? Where does it go when the anxiety starts? Why do I not open up my clenched hands more often and give it all up to Jesus?
"What if" I did that from now on?
"What If" indeed.

Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly


  1. Oh, Lolly. You are not alone. And I know God doesn't expect us to "get it" because then we wouldn't need Him, right, We fail, we reach out and He reminds us of his love. If we could do this on our own we would become arrogant. We need to remain contrite and broken. Remember the words of Leonard Cohen. There's a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in.
    Remain broken, Lolly. God is using you this way.