February 2nd
So much for starting my new 30 day writing challenge on time.
It's already day two and I didn't finish day one's prompt.
Not only did I not finish it, I couldn't finish it.
I couldn't find 10 things that make me really happy.
I found 8 things. But not the required 10.
I wracked my brain trying to come up with stuff.
After a while it all started to sound silly and fake and forced.
I found myself wanting to write down anything, just to get to that number 10.
I thought to myself -
"Are you really this unhappy? You can't even find 10 things that make you really happy?"
And that voice in my head started to feel like shame.
Because to tell you the truth I don't feel unhappy. I feel lonely sometimes.
I feel stressed and worried sometimes. But I don't feel like I am unhappy.
But I'll tell you something else...
My attempt at some misguided idea of perfection at finding all ten things
WAS making me unhappy.
For shitssake! Why was I driving myself crazy trying to find all 10??
Who gives a damn if I can only list 6 or 7 or 8??
I had to remind myself that this is a writing challenge, not a contest that I would win.
I still find myself struggling with writers block...still can't find reasons to post much.
For what it's worth though? I think it will help me in the long run if I push through this block.
So here's my list of 8 things that make me really happy-
1. The colors of sunrise- blue. white, gray, orange, yellow, peach, pink, red, lavender, lilac.
2. Riding our Harley- the sights, the sounds, the smells. Two weeks ago on a Saturday it was 55 degrees here in Illinois so him and I took the Harley out for a quick spin. It was glorious.
3. Grandchildren-beautiful, cute, horrid, smelly, wonderful, tiny humans with unconditional love.
4. Monday mornings- a brand new week with endless possibilities.
5. Friday evenings- the chance to unwind from that endless week of possibilities. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do.
6. Reading- I rate reading right up there with breathing, eating and sleeping. I need it in order to survive. It saves me daily.
7. Spring planting- Love the smell of dirt. Love putting in new plants and watching them thrive.
8. Pinterest- My favorite boards are my color boards. I used to feel guilty for wasting my time pinning pictures but I realize that I use these images as self care. These images make me feel good. Or really happy as the case may be.
So there you have it. Scintillating reading, yes??
Thanks for reading friends,
Love, Lolly
I am trying to come up with one graditude each day. I write it down on a slip of paper and put it in a jar. Some days it is really hard. As you say, forced. I'm thinking of bagging the whole project because it's February 2 and it's already a struggle. It's not that I am not grateful for many, many things. It's just that I am trying really hard to not go into a depression. Having to come up with things that feels like I am not acknowledging the sadness. I don't know. I'm rambling. sigh Life is not easy, is it?
ReplyDeleteI still think you are totally badass for owning a Harley.