#9 part deux

Question number 9 threw me for a loop-When have you felt heartbroken?
I answered the heartbreak question only as it pertained to death and dying.
After I posted it I thought to myself    "Wait a minute!"
There are so many other things that one could claim as heart breaking.
Such as-
1. Both of my daughters being told that they could no longer bear more children. They both have one of each..a boy and a girl. But neither one was done having children yet. Or so they thought. And while my older daughter had no choice but to get a hysterectomy, she has handled it better than my younger daughter who wanted at least two more children and still mourns the loss of more.
We, all of us, understand the weird selfishness of this...there are women in this world who would like to have had one child, and here are my girls mourning the loss of future non existent children but the feelings are still there all the same.
And as for me, I too feel a little heartbroken that I will only have 4 grandchildren.
My blogger friend Julie has eleven grandchildren. 11 !!! Another woman I know at church has 7. My own mother was blessed with 17  grandchildren. I would've liked to have more too.

2. Our early years of being married were rough. Really rough. We had 4 children in 6 years and to be honest I don't know how that could have possibly even happened. We were always at war him and I.
I didn't like him all that much those first 10 years. He had started to drink heavily and was a miserable bastard when he was drunk. The booze turned him mean and ornery. There were rumors of affairs, but he claims not. There were occasions of women calling the house, phone numbers found in his pockets, lapses of time with no explanation of where he'd been.
If I had to take a guess, I'd say that he left me and the children at least five times.
Each time he left it broke my heart a little bit more until that last time when he threatened it and I told him to just do it all ready. That I was tired of living with a foot in either world. Pee or get off the pot!
Why does a body put up with shit like this? In my case, I was young, I had 3 kids and no way of supporting them on my own. We were too poor to get a divorce. There was nowhere for either one of us to go. Well...he could always go home to his mother which he did sometimes. But he hates his mother as much as I do, so her house was not a place of respite if that's what he was looking for.  I don't honestly know what he was looking for back then. I know he kept trying to find his answers at the bottom of a bottle. Took him 28 years to discover wasn't nothing at the bottom but more heartache.

3. Sick, injured or abused animals make my heart break. I can't tell you how many times I have cried over some animal I've seen on the news being mistreated. It makes me hate human beings. On Instagram when someone puts up  a pic of their beloved pet saying "Rover went over the rainbow bridge today" it makes me weep. Some of these people I don't even know! I don't know if that Rainbow Bridge makes me happy or sad.

4. The final thing I'd like to say about being heartbroken was when I was fired 9 years ago.
The heartbreaking part was all of my co-workers who I thought were my friends, not calling me or not remaining friends with me afterwards. I reached out to them. I needed to talk to people who I thought were my friends, people who I thought would stand by me or stand up for me or defend me or at the very least listen to me as I cried and swore and railed about the injustice done to me. But to a man, no one answered my calls. No one texted me back. It was as if I had been Shunned. I couldn't get anyone to respond to me or talk to me at all. I felt abandoned, heartbroken, alone, shamefilled.
It was one of the loneliest times of my life.
But that was also when Jesus found me. I can't say that I found Jesus when I was at my lowest. Jesus found me, He did. He picked me up and He saved me. And my life has never been the same.
Now if Jesus could help me find a few close friends, well... that would be swell.


All of this heartbreak convinces me that I truly am an Empath. I feel things differently than others.
I feel things deeper, things stay with me longer. Things hurt me easier. My mother always told me I was too sensitive for my own good.
Was that a warning or an insult?



I got 8. Eight out of eight.

I'm exhausted. Maybe I'll take a break and come back in a day or two. We will see.
Thanks for reading,
Love, Lolly

p.s. I could go on......
hungry children
social injustice
native americans
djt
global warming
homeless people
victims of schoolyard bullies